WW/STBXW, I do still love you. I have been trying to convince myself otherwise, but can't because those feelings are still there. A big part of me still wishes we could work this out, but in order for me to want to do that I would need the following things from you. If these are not things you think you can do for me please let me know. I need to know you love me for me and want this to work out. I have felt like your second choice in this matter and if I am going to remain your husband I need to know I come #1 with you. If you can't do these things for me then I think it's best if we have as little contact as possible until you can decide what you truly want. Do you want our family? Do you want to start new with OM and *hope* it turns out better than what we could have? I again am willing to put in 110% toward bettering myself and our marriage *if* you are willing to do the same and that means I would need the following things to be met by you. I realize you too have a list of items that you would need for me to do, and I have no problem doing any of those things, but am only willing to do them should you reciprocate on your end.
1) No more contact with OM, ever again.
2) Do as you say, and say as you do.
3) Cut up all credit cards, close all credit card accounts, agree to not open a new credit card without speaking with me first. Set budget and live by it.
4) Continue with independent counselling and speak to your him about being raped and try to put that behind you so you are more open to sex and possibly able to finally enjoy it.
5) Continue with marriage counselling
6) Come to me with any issues you have, especially if they are with me. I promise I will listen this time around. I now know better.
7) No more secrets or lies, I need complete honesty, live life as an open book.
8) You would have to understand that until that trust is regained I will be verifying things so that I can feel secure that you are not still hiding things from me. Please don't be upset with that. Remember - "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing"
9) Upgrade you cell phone to detailed billing.
I do still love you and hope for our family you will be willing to work on us. If you can't do these things for me, then it is best if we go our separate ways. I do love you, I do love our family, I do want to work this out, but I need you to want this just as badly. If you can't do these things then you do not want this badly enough and I know it is not meant to be. I wish you happiness in your future as you deserve it. I hope you do not regret the choice you have made. I know I will be fine as I have expressed to you my feelings and my desire to do whatever it takes to make this work. If you choose not to believe that then there is nothing more I can do but walk away. I have done all I can, and I will be able to live with myself knowing so. One person cannot save a marriage. Just as it took two of us to get to the point we are at it will take two of us to repair what went wrong. You would need to allow me to love you, but with OM in your life you do not allow me to love you the way I want to or should.
Love,
BM,BO
