"I, ......, do solemly swear, that at the first sight of trouble in my marriage, I will be unfaithful to my spouse, I will lie, deceive, blame and accuse them for how the marriage went wrong, and I will feel no remorse for what I have done."<P>Sorry, I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself tonight. But, I've got to tell you, that if I had known my H would run faster than a cheap pair of pantyhose at the drop of a hat, I NEVER would have said "I do."<P>H cheats on me, because I got angry at him over the years, because HE didn't love me. I loved him, I stayed committed to him. But, not my H. He has to find someone that he's 'in love with.' So, not only do I not get love from this man, I get blamed for the affair to begin with. I also get to stay behind and raise my daughter by myself, figure out a way to make the mortgage, etc, etc.<P>Sorry, I just needed to vent! Thanks for listening.<P>Cheryl

vent away ceecee, I don't think I took that vow, but maybe it is a secret one that our h's took.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

ceecee,<P>Vent away, you have every right. It's pretty sad that so many people run at first sight of trouble, huh? Unfortunately, I see that happening more and more as the years go by. We live in a sadly disposable society. <P>Just curious, what is your H's excuse for marrying you if he didn't really love you? It makes me nauseous when people say this to their betrayed spouse. Of course they're living in la la land, but to be so cruel? I just don't get it.<P>Well, I don't have much advice for you. Just try hard to realize that this is his problem, not yours. He's the moron! I hope that someday you can clearly see that. It's such a blow to one's self esteem. Just be sure and show your daughter as much love and understanding as possible. This isn't easy on children. Take care of yourself.<P>p.s. Be proud of the fact that despite everything, YOU'VE stayed true to your vows. That's nothing to sneeze at. <P><P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

ceecee - Not my choice of vows either. I even pulled them out and checked and couldn't find even a HINT of running and hiding in there anywhere!!<P>Bad night for you, too. This is my third in a row and I don't know what my problem is. I know I'm sick of crying tho'. I feel like I'm back to square one - trying to understand the "why's", when there's no good reason and beating myself up again. <P>So what's on the agenda tonight. I was posting at 1:00 am this morning, up at 4:30 for work. At this rate, I'm gonna really start to LOOK old - Preference or no Preference!!!!<P>I'll be checking in - probably sitting continuously (how's thawed Chardonnay, by the way?)- so keep on venting about that idiot!!! (Hey - just think about the cardss..........!)<P>Lori

Thanks for letting me blow off some steam. I know that I need to stop wondering WHY, but, it is so hard. Even as lonely and empty as I felt in my marriage, finding another man never even entered my mind. It still hasn't. All I can say, is that something must just snap in their heads. I am probably offending some, but I really don't get it. <BR>Thanks for the support, you guys are great.<BR>Lord, keep me strong!<BR>LOL,<BR>Cheryl

ceecee,<P>I have been watching your posts the last couple of days, but have been unable to post back because I was using a friends computer. <P>I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. My grandmother used to say to me, in every marriage, one person loves more than the other. Woe to the one who loves the most. I guess that I was that person, and so are you. But keep your chin. I like to think that if things are this bad, hopefully they will only get better.<P>I am sending you a HUGE hug and tight squeeze and I am willing strength and encouragement to you. Stand strong cc, because time will bring many changes. And perhaps, when your husband is ready to be the loving husband that you need him to be right now, you won't want that anymore. I hope he changes his mind before it is too late.<P>But in the meantime, we are here for you whenever you need us.<P>STAY STRONG.<P>------------------<BR>Luv, Liza<P>Never fear, because God walks right beside you, and if you get tired, he will lift you up and carry you.

I'm with you. <P>How could my husband who just loved me so much in the beginning (I mean it was fabulous for both of us in the beginning years) Become so distant, and start whining all over the place to just about anyone who would listen - about how everything is my fault, and then profess to get back together because this is what is right and he never has loved anyone as much as he loves me, and then cheat?<P>How can he look at me in the face when he knows the truth? How can he sometimes treat me so badly - because I am close to finding out? Does he think he is safer if he keeps everything a secret? Doesn't he realize that I love him forever, and I have already forgiven him? And we can have that intimacy back if he just tells?<P>We are 80-90% there on reconcilliation for our marriage. But there is something missing, and he doesn't even miss it.<P>Thanks for letting ME vent, CEE CEE. I understand how you feel.<P>I will not lovebust or share my thoughts until I know I can do it without lovebusting, nobody worry, okay?

TNT, I just had a conversation with my H about why he didn't tell me about his last go around with his OW. He didn't want me to know. He doesn't want a divorce. He doesn't know WHAT he was thinking. And this was all the while swearing/promising to me he was faithful, hadn't had ANY CONTACT (email, phone calls, a simple sighting)with her. I actually had him caught weeks earlier--the night he supposedly got drunk & stayed at his friend's house--but I wanted to believe him sooo much--it could have been true. Hindsight is so great...but I also remember thinking he was faithful...hindsight likes to remember what turns out to be true.<P>I'm being very nonreactive with him. No crying, no yelling, no anger. I don't know if it's God's grace, the new prescription for Paxil, or if I simply have nothing left.<P>I think of when he moved out this last time and told me that the way I was trying so hard for our marriage was killing him and he had to have space to find his own way. Duh. He had a date with her the night he moved out. Sometimes I don't know if I have the energy to want to make this work, yet I know it is what I want. What I yearned for the 7 (nonconsecutive) months he did not live at home.<P>Lowered expectations. And Chardonnay. <BR>

Thank goodness for BOOZE! I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Up and down, all the time. When does it stop.<P>cc