Well, I'm back. My H us is moving into an apt in 3 days and I'm beside myself. The EA is still happening and he claims he needs to get away from me to sort through his feelings (mostly anger). It is a short term lease with rented furniture and sounds as though he thinks he will come back. I personally see this as an opportunity for him to raise the EA to a PA. My question is this. He did disclose where he is moving and even gave the address. He is going to have his little escape and will be able to have his secret life over there. How do I get the same respect and keep him from randomly showing up and coming here when I'm not home? He has keys and alarm codes and I don't want him to get homesick and have the ability to just stop home and visit the dog or anything. Help?

som,

After d-day, my H told me that if I moved out, our M was over, period, but that’s not using the MB principles. It worked on me, but I read on your other thread that your H doesn’t take ultimatums very well.

Then again, sometimes my H wonders if it might have been easier on both of us if I had moved out and had some alone time to get my head out of my rear, but we'll never know.

Are you in a plan? You’re right that being in his own apt will make continuing the A much easier, but the general expectation at MB is that once left to their own devices, the A partners will find out what it’s like to be stuck with each other, start LBing, etc., and the A will die on it’s own.

It would help you to be coached by people more experienced than I am with all the plans. It doesn’t look like there’s much traffic on this forum. You might have better luck getting responses on another one. Maybe try the Just Found Out forum again, or there’s always a lot of traffic under General Questions II.

As far as keeping your H out of your house goes, some people have their locks changed, but it would be wise to ask an attorney about that before doing it!

God bless,

Rose

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

It is time for Plan B. Let him see what life without you will be like. Plan A and B go against everything we want to do, but they work. It is so difficult to do a good Plan B, but let him see what life with OW will be like.

We BS' think the OW is perfect. WS' life with OW will be perfect. She is human just like the rest of us. I was almost looking forward to Plan B, cuz I knew WS would be depressed and whining about missing his family. Let the OW see what he's really like.

Plan B is about letting the A go it's natural course. The more time WS and OW are together, the more chances for LBs. It's not gonna be all hearts and flowers for the few hours they saw each other when he was living with you.

And in the meantime, work on yourself. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? Turn all that energy and focus you had for the A onto yourself. You deserve it! Call up an old friend. Meet for coffee. Read a new book. See a new movie. Become the best you can be. Remember who you were when you met WS. Become her again.

Give him some rules for moving out. If he is moving out, you reserve the right to change the locks and alarm code. Tell him that you are protecting your love for him. You still have hope for your M, but it's not going to happen if he's having his cake and eating it, too. If he can't respect you as his wife, he will respect your living space.