I really feel like I am going nuts! My husband and I had another long conversation Saturday night. He insists it is over between him and the ow. He finally admitted to me that he still saw her after he said he had ended it. But, he said that when I found he had 20 hours missing on his paycheck that he knew he had to end it. He said he is not going to hide his paystubs from me or anything and that he understands that he will be scrutinized for everything he does. He said he knew that if he was with her again he would be throwing his marriage away. Well, I just have that gut feeling he was with her again yesterday. She lives in a town that is about 40 minutes away from us. Anyway, this may sound far fetched but I just don't know. My husband got home on time yesterday. He was working overtime so he was working with her. Anyway, as soon as he got home he said he wanted to go rent a movie. Then he said he had a headache. He knew we were out of aspirin. I was making supper. I said I would go and get the aspirin as soon as I was done with supper. Well, he said he didn't want to wait and that he wanted to go and get it right away. So, he left and didn't come back for 50 minutes. He went to Wal-Mart to get the aspirin and the grocery store to rent the movie. Well, I figured he could have done that in 25 or less minutes. I just have this sinking feeling that the ow followed him to our town and waited for him somewhere outside of town and that he went and met her. When he got back he could tell I was obviously shaken up. He asked if I was ok. I told him what I thought. He said he would be really stupid to do something like that. He said he was talking to one of the ladies at the grocery store about her hysterectomy and that took him awhile. I do believe he could have been talking to her as that has happened and I have talked to her about her surgery as well. Anyway, I just felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing. Then, he told me the ow had two dates over the weekend. He said one was with her soon to be ex and the other was with someone else. ONLY, she wouldn't tell my husband who it was. Now, I thought that was odd. Is it just me? Am I going crazy? My husband said that the ow is getting on with her life. He asked me if that made me feel any better. Well, it would but then I am sitting here feeling like he is just saying she is seeing someone else to make me feel like it is really over between them. I can't help it. I just don't trust the man at all anymore. I told him that too. I told him I remember how easy it was for him to lie to me before. I really hate this and I feel sick to my stomach all over again! I guess I don't know if he really was with the ow at all last night but if he was it does make me sick. It is like he is doing it right under my nose then. Also, he didn't bring any of the receipts home from the grocery store or Wal-Mart. He knows I check the times on them. Am I just obsessing? He was also being overly loving last night. I guess he is trying to reassure me but that really didn't help when he disappeared for 50 minutes. I told him when we had our conversation that I wasn't going to be made a fool of anymore and that I was not a doormat. I told him I would not live my life that way. I just hate him for what he has done! I finally feel hatred towards the man. I can say that now. I hadn't really felt that until now. I hate what he has done to our entire family. His mother told me last night that I may just need to leave him and tell him that when he is ready to start acting like a husband and a father again that he can come looking for us. That is so hard for me to do. I don't want to leave. I have no way of supporting the kids. I am so tied to this man. I have nothing. I have a lot of furniture and no where to put it. I have no education. Except for a high school diploma. I don't know what to do. I want out. Then I don't. I am going to keep a close eye on him and see if he slips up anywhere else. He cannot keep getting away with this. I can't take it anymore. I feel beat up everytime this happens. I am supposed to go back to work today and I just don't want to do it. I don't feel like facing anyone today. This is awful. I guess I will tell my co-workers that we are working on it but that I don't trust the man any farther than I can throw him. I don't trust him at all. What a wonderful feeling! NOT!!!!! I am so angry! He better get his act together and fast! I can't put up with this for much longer! <P>~Woozy

Who knows for sure with a recent discovery, but if your H came back with the stuff...then he only had a free 25 minutes at most. Suppose it could happen, but I don't think you have enough "proof" to really charge and convict your H of this particular crime.<P>It is hard, but you got to seperate what is real and threatening from that which is speculative.<P>I'm not telling you to trust your H. Sadly from what I experience from my own H, who was been very honest EXCEPT about the affair and all I read here, a betrayer can not seem to be completely honest for a while. It sounds awful, but I think the betrayed has just about got to expect lies until it is really over. Call it withdrawl or whatever, but even after they commit to the marriage, I think they actually think it won't hurt to have a little bit of contact. Maybe to ease their own pain, maybe because they feel guilty for dumping he other person, who knows?<P>Be watchful, be wary, but if you are making progress and your H demonstrates reasonable behavior, don't go overboard. It will backfire.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Confused,<BR>I can tell you from my experience with the OW that it would make little to no difference if she gets involved with someone new. If she had any morals, she wouldn't have been with your H, don't expect her to be faithful to a new boyfriend...do expect a new boyfriend (or ex) to drive your H crazy. <P>My H works with the OW as well, I think it makes for some of the worst continuing scenarios.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Well, I did a lot of talking at work today. One of my friends thinks that maybe my husband is suffering from a sexual addiction. Yes, I agree with that. I have also done a lot of thinking. I suppose that I am driving myself crazy! I hate that. I do truly want to believe my husband when he says he has ended it. It is like I said before though, he lied to me so easily that I can't tell the truth from the lies anymore! He is being very loving to me and I want to believe with all my heart that he is sincere. It is just hard knowing that he is working with this woman most days. If she did say she had two dates this weekend so that my husband could hear, it gives me the feeling she was saying it for his benefit. You know... to make him jealous. He didn't act like he was jealous when he was telling me about it. He just asked me if I felt any better knowing she was getting on with her life. Well, I would feel better if I could believe it. My sister-in-law told me I should call the ow. I said I would not do that. It would only make me look bad. She has been in this situation with her husband (my husbands brother). Only her husband (my husbands brother) had enough sense to really think things through and make the right decision when it came to sleeping with his ow. He didn't do it. Just the same, he had an emotional attachment and went out of his way to be with the ow. Anyway, my sil said she called his ow. She said it scared the ow and the relationship ended right there. Well, the ow I am dealing with is 11 years older than me and is a seasoned pro at screwing around with married men. I am not going to mess around with talking to a tramp like that. I would probably be the one to end up getting hurt and I have been hurt enough. I don't wish anything horrible on my husband but I think I could have faced his death easier than I can face this. Is that bad??? Well, the ow shouldn't be at work with my husband today as it is her day off. Unless of course she went in for overtime. I guess what is hard for me is the fact that my husband still does have contact with her at work. So, everyday he goes to work and I know she is going to be there, I just feel like he is doing it all over again. It is tearing my heart out. He is finally feeling remorse and regret though I think. We have had 4-3 hour car trips over the holidays and that has given us a lot of time to talk about everything. Well, after each time we talk, my husband says he just feels worse. I finally told him he feels worse because he is finally feeling regret and remorse for what he has done. At least I hope that is the case. <P>Thank you for the advice. I am trying to reassure myself about him being gone for 50 minutes last night. I guess the thing is, I just wouldn't put anything past him. Although we have had what I thought was a pretty good 11 year marriage, I just don't trust him after something like this. I am just trying to decide if my marriage is really worth saving. If I am going to go nuts and be sick to my stomach everytime he is gone for a little too long, I am just not sure that is fair to me. I will give the man until the beginning of this summer to get his act together. If he keeps doing things to make me suspect him of not being faithful, then I will have to leave. I think it would be easier on our boys to leave then rather than in the middle of the school year. Our plan is to sell our house anyway at the beginning of this spring. We are planning to move so that we can get away from the ow. My husband called me one day last week from work and said that he had a bad dream. He said he dreamt he brought the ow to our home. Then he said I came home and found them together and that things got nasty. Well, apparently that dream got him to realize that the only way we can get through this is if we move and he can get away from the ow. He told me he loved me. I am just rambling now. I must quit!<P>~Woozy

I was an OW and it was a horrible experience mostly. I have to say that at the worst part of it I would have driven for an hour just to see him for 10 min. People do crazy things when it is at its worst. Watch him all the time. Also I don't think a person is addicted to just one person. I think that if a person is a sex addict they are with many people one after the other. I worked with a man like this. He actually got help for it and recovered.<P>Del

Woozy,<BR>I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.I am going through the same thing right now.Read my last couple of posts for the story.My H still works with the OW also.I don't know about your H but mine says there is no problem and I have nothing to worry about.Hmmm,that's what i thought before the affair.<P><BR>I feel like if I keep questioning everything he does and take anything at all the OW says to heart I am going to actually drive him away.But is this fair to us?I actually followed my H last night and it turned out he went exactly where he said he was and he came straight home.I have also been told I am obsessing.I must have been crazy because I took my kids with me to follow him.Now what would have happened if I ahd seen something?An ugly scene in front of the kids?<P>I sometimes wonder when your doubts and fears get this bad if it would be better off on everybody to end it.I can't stand my kids seeing me this way.My 5 year old asks me constantly why I look so sad.That just breaks my heart.I don't want my child to remember his mommy always being sad when he was growing up.<P>Please let me know how youa re doing.It really sounds like we are going through a lot of the same things.<BR><P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Hi Tammy,<P>I know what you mean about it maybe just being better to end it. I hate having my boys see me sad all the time. The worst part is that they know it is their dad that is making me sad. When my husband came home from work last night, I told him I need him to be true to me. I told him that I need him to prove to me that he is being true to me. I explained that what he is putting me through is causing me extreme stress and that unfortunately, I am taking it out on the kids. I am not being horrible to them. It is just the fact that I don't have the patience to deal with them like I used to. I love my boys more than anything and I feel so bad that things have to be this way for them right now. Last night my youngest son came and sat on the counter to watch me make supper. He is my little comedian. I felt so sad and he knew it and he was trying to cheer me up. That just breaks my heart. No 7 year old should have to cheer up their mom all the time. I have posted about my 9 year old. I think that he is suffering from depression. I have been seeing the doctor for it. We will go back on Thursday for a complete physical. If they don't find anything out of the ordinary there, then we will see a psychologist for an evaluation. From there we will see a psychiatrist. If they think it is necessary, they will put him on anti-depressants. I have seen the signs of the depression in him for quite sometime now but just never put it altogether. After thinking my husband is suffering from depression, I did research on the web about it. I then figured out that my son must be suffering some form of it. My husband has been very supportive of me in seeking treatment for our son. On the other hand, he refuses to get any treatment for himself. His mother told me on Sunday that she is being treated for depression herself. She is also getting some counseling. So, that drives home my point even further about depression running in his family. He has lost 3 family members to suicide. His grandfather, his mom's sister and a first cousin. So, you can see why I take this seriously. The hard part is that since I have been discussing the depression thing with my husband, he has started trying to act like he isn't depressed. That makes me crazy! He isn't fixing the problem by doing that. I know things aren't ok yet because I don't feel ok yet. Do you know what I mean? So, we have lots of work to do and sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel! <P>Last night when my husband came home from work, I just let him do his own thing. He and the boys had bought a new computer game. So, he played that all evening. I just decided I didn't want to bother him. I read the boys a couple of chapters out of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" and put them to bed. I then came down and got on my computer. Our computers are side by side. I goofed around on it a bit and then told my husband I was going to bed. He was bummed that I was going to bed early. That was kind of nice. I told him that I was going to read my book on male depression and that I would still be awake when he came to bed. When he came to bed we snuggled like we used to do. It makes me sad because I still don't know if he is sincere. He says he is lucky because I didn't throw him out. He is right about that. <P>Well, this has gotten quite long! I just hope the man is behaving himself. I still keep going over that 50 minutes that he was gone Sunday night in my head. I know that sounds crazy but look at what he has put me through already!!!<P>Have a good day and I hope things are going to get better for you too Tammy!!!!! I mean that!!<P>~Woozy<BR>