Hi Bill,<P>You know I don't get the financial thing at all. You're supposed to subsidize Lousy Rat Boy's accomodations so that HE can be with your wife in the manner in which she's become accustomed??? No wonder she doesn't want to leave, & he's hanging on to his meal ticket. I thought the perfect Plan A was meant to make YOUR home a safe and attractive haven. Not feather THEIR nest, at the expense of your whole financial future, not to mention your sanity.<P>I'm sorry, but I think if it were me, this is where I would draw the line. I guess I'm not a Plan A purist.

Will,<BR> I just read your profile.How long does your W think this relationship can last? A 17yr- old? She's not related to Mary LeTournoe,is she?And I thought my 43yr-old W was robbing the cradle with a 31yr-old.It truly is temporary insanity,isn't it?It's amazing how people can screw their lives up(and everyone else's)for the notion of"romantic love".I,too,make a lot more $$$ than her.If her trophy-boyfriend dumps her,she's going to miss the life style I gave her.The same is true with your W.When it's gone,it's gone.Hang in there. --Murph

Syd,<P>I have concidered that. The real reason I have been helping financialy is mt D lives there half the time and she has to eat and have clothes. We have no formal arraingments. As far as LRB about the only thing they can do for a date is go to blockbuster video. I think he can afford that on his painter salary.<P>As far as our home being safe, I think I have to be a safe place for her to come to.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Murph,<P>I promise you LRB is far from a trophy.<P>I know this POS kid. I think he graduated 8th grade, I'm not even sure if he can read, he needs to stand a little closer to the toothbrush, if you know what I mean. He's also on the run from his PO. If I really wanted to I could have him arrested tomorrow. That would LB.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

well I have to agree with a few of the other posts....maybe the well should run dry if you know what i mean.<P>I am on the other end....my H pays the car payment 300.00+ and then gives me 200.00 a month for me and two boys. I am looking for a job but have not found one that will support us in any way shape or form yet. Sometiome he makes me feel like we mean nothing to him at all.....<P>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

You're a good man Bill, maybe too good sometimes for Robin's own good. I do wonder if Steve Harley would advocate you going in the hole, supporting her while she lives with the POSLRB. I can understand seeing to the needs of Abbey while she is there, but as for anything else it should be up to LRB and R.<BR>Just my opinion for what it's worth. BTW, is there anything else in that sugar drink? It sounds as if it has calmed you down some, could I have the receipe?

If I allow the well to run dry at this point in time it would add to her abandonmet issues, that could be construed as <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> I also don't want that home foreclosed on.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

<B>sidney,</B><P>LRB means Little Rat B@astard - at least to me it does!!!!! <P><B>Bill,</B><P>yeah, it would be awful if Abbey had to smell that suagr on your breath! LOL!<P>I think Murphy and amanda make a good point. The point is NOT to make R (or Abbey)suffer - but to bring a sense of REALITY to the situation. Are you prepared to pay like this indefinitely?????? R should have to realize what she will or will not have to live on in the event you guys divorce. That is the reality and consequence of her actions. <P>If the financial security is her #2 need, then this might really have a positive impact on her future decisions!! Please do discuss with Steve. I am pretty sure that financial security is high for my H too. But, I also did insist on the separate checking accounts. In order to not LB, I have not insisted on fully separating our joint assests. I mentioned several times and H resisted, so I did not pursue this. I don't want to LB, but I DO want to feel comfortable with some things, too, hence the separate checking accts. Since the joint assets are just sitting there anyway, there is no impetus to split the and it would be a major LB so I haven't.<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

D-Day +3 I opened my own checking accuont, and removed 10k from our savings. This went to finish the remodeling of our new home.<P>She will be able to live on her salary. Not comfortably but her needs will be met.<P>I guess I have been misunderstood. I have already protected myself in this area, however I find myself getting behind on my bills, I can't swing the new mortgage on my salary lone. My parents thank God for them, have offered to pay some of the childcare expences ie. daycare. I have asked my S,BIL, and SIL to move in with me it looks as if they will. This will remove a huge burdon from me. R knows none of this yet. I am going to make her borrow some money from her grandmother, after all that is only fair.<P>I have to be in where she can see me as the financial security she needs. In no way am I just going to bend over and grab my ancles on this issue. I've already been screwed bad enough as it is. <P>She is lucky I love her.<P>Like I said I am going to exicute a flawless plan-a, so when I go to plan-b it will be a seamless transition. That way she will want to reconcile. If I cut her off now she will cop a resentment. It's not fair it's just how it is.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill, <P>Gotcha! Glad you have the family members moving in - a help witht he finances as well as a little help with Abbey. Youa re a GOOD person and yes, R is STILL an idiot!!!<P>Good night,<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Bill,<BR>I will give you a story to make you feel better.When H and I separated he moved in with OW.He paid me child support for our 2 children when he felt like it.Because of not supporting us like he was supposed to we got behind 3 months on our mortgage and were forced to sell our home.I loved my house and had poured my heart into it.This devastated me like you would not believe.We did manage to make quite a profit off the sale of our home and chose to pay off all of our credit card bills with it.At this time we did not have any intention of getting back together and thought getting these bills off our backs foremost would be the best thing.So at least I had a fresh start.We got back together 10 months later and little did I know while we were separated he had went on a credit card spending spree.Got himself in about 20,000 dollars in debt in a matter of 10 months.God only knows how.I had no idea this had happened when we got back together.Not only did he rack up all of this debt but but he never made payments on them the whole time he was gone.I fell behind on my credit card payments and now both of our credit is shot.We now live in a townhouse and because of all of our debts and horrible credit I do not see us getting another house anytime in the near future.<P>I feel I have lost so much all because of H's foolishness.I feel like we are back in the same position as we were 13 years ago when we were first married and it sucks.I know I have a lot of resentment but I try to get past it.<P>There,feel a little better?It could be worse.I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Gee Bill!<P>I wish I was around when you posted this- My question would be, are we all sure that after putting up with so much s**t when the S comes back, we'll want them? Tim (Medic) made me doubt a couple of days ago- for different reasons, but sometimes I think that if I have to go to plan B would be a B forever, like BYE-BYE, FAREWEL, ADIOS, ARRIVEDERCHI, ABOUA, AUDFIDENSEN, ADIEU, FARE-THEE-WELL, SAYONARA, ALOHA, SO, LONG B***H!!!<P>Alex<P>PS: Glad you're feeling better.<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

Hey WilliamJ,<P>I'm a little late to this thread, so how are you today ??<P>How's that hangover. I have no idea whether you guys are talking alcohol, or soft drink (soda) !!! Don't recognise the names of the drinks at all.<P>I got the feeling (from the iced tea line) that perhaps it was the soft variety ??<P>You are such a good person - I don't know that my H would ever do what you are doing.<BR>Robin is so very lucky to have you - I know I've said it before but the attaction ??? (to pimples, blockbuster, heavy metal head banging music, "lets see how fast we can go in the car" pizza, lollies................) will fade.<BR>It's unfathomable - a 30 yo woman and a 17 yo idiot. I couldn't think of anything worse.<P>anyway, enough sledging, I don't even know LRB !!!<P>Keep your chin up, and hang on.<P>Big hugs for you<P>Jo<BR>

WilliamJ -- Some times if you can find a safe place to express the rage, it won't come out when it shouldn't and it also helps drain it permanently away. Venting can be good for the soul and the body.<P>Alex -- If you've read my recent posts, that's how I feel and the point I've been trying to make. Plan B isn't for everyone or every situation.<P>--DeWayne--

Just a short note and thought. If this marriage does not work out (sh?? happens, it did to get you to this stage in your marriage, right?) the judge WILL take into consideration her salary, your salary, and what was provided by you during the Seperation. The wrong party/right party plays a role nowdays but a very minor one. LB aside, the old motto, "IF you play, you pay" doesn't always protect the innocent. <P>23 years, lots of reconciliations and trying, HEED<BR>my warning, PLEASE. And yes NOW life is GOOD!!!!!_But not together.