Just asking for prayers for this coming Friday (1/7/2000)…<P>This is relevant to Nellie, RWD(Bob), avance(Amanda), brownphdt, and a few more…<P>For those who don't know… <B>my background</B>:<BR>I am in Plan A… (long-distance since W left me and 3 kids August 28, 1999)<BR>Affair(Internet) started December 1998, 1st physical contact January 4, 1999, discovery April 7, 1999<BR>Divorce file by her late April 1999, counter-filed by me June 24, 1999 (for custody issues)<BR>On July 28, 1999 I got 3 restraining orders(ROs)<BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> OM cannot have any overnights with my children<BR><LI> OM can not enter my home (he did so earlier)<BR><LI> W was forced to choose to have a planned vacation with (our kids) or (OM and his kids)… she didn't choose ours! (this RO I didn't even ask for… it was given <B><I>sua sponte</I> </B>… judge's discretion!!!)<BR></OL><BR>W is desperate to leave me to be with OM(paramour/sponge)…<BR>She agrees to a preliminary Property Settlement Agreement(PSA)…<BR>W wants only every other weekend visits with kids… I get to keep them at least!!!!<BR>To help W move out (to OM's state/area) I would help her financially… under the explicit condition that <B>NO ONE</B> move in with her… this was also drafted in the preliminary PSA… but never signed by her or me (other changes had to be made as well to the PSA)…<BR>But the verbal agreement was clear… and I kept my part of the bargain financially…<BR>A few weeks later I find out OM has moved in with my W… (violating agreement)…<BR>Then… September 27,1999 I finally find MBs!<BR>Then when she files <B>this</B>(filed mid December 1999) latest court motion I find out…<BR><B>OM co-signed the lease with her 2 days before she moved out</B>!!! Liar… Liar… Liar…<BR>OM has been in the condo <B>the whole time</B>!<P><B>Now</B>…<P>I will be in court with my attorney then… on "oral arguments" initiated from a "notice of motion" requested by my W. She basically asked for 5 things…<BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> To allow OM overnight stays with my kids. (opposes PSA and verbal agreement)<BR><LI> To allow telephone access to kids to call my W… A non-issue… they can call whenever.<BR><LI> To get equal access to school and medical records… A non-issue… she can get them any time.<BR><LI> For me to give her "timely" info on kids activities… A non-issue… I do… she just refuses to pick up e-mails.<BR><LI> For me to stop asking questions about her from kids… A non-issue… I don't.<BR></OL><P>So the only real issue is that exists is the "Overnights with my kids"…<P>I've tried to the best of my ability to spell out to the courts that…<BR>This contradicts the existing RO…<BR>It poses immoral conditions, and opposes my kid's faith values…<BR>The desire of my oldest son to not allow the overnights (being wrong for him and his younger siblings)<BR>The deception (signing of lease while falsely negotiating with me) that allows OM to call her residence "home". And, the four-month long continuing deception…<BR>The verbal abuse OM has put upon me during the entire affair… dictates his time with my kids should be limited…<BR>The condition of one of the OM's child being in drug rehab, and being arrested for burglary and arson should be taken into account(since time spent with OM's kids is increasing)…<P>I hope and pray to protect not just the physical wellbeing of my kids… but their emotional, psychological and spiritual wellbeing too! <P>Steve Harley, in a counseling session with me, refers to <B><I>this</I></B> as a "gray" area of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting </A> in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>. I understand his idea of a "pure" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>… but in my book the <B>kids come first!</B> Steve didn't argue with me on this.<P>I'm really just asking for prayers for me on Friday…<BR>I think the temptation to lose it and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bust</A> will be there!<BR>Please pray for me… for more strength and patience! <BR>Most here know I am a patient man… but if my W shows up, or worse the OM shows up in court… I will be stressed!<P>Thanks one and all… <P>Jim

Jim, you can count on me. My thoughts & PRAYERS will be with you. I think it's very admirable that you are putting your kids first. Your priorities are definitely where they should be. They are lucky to have a dad like you.

Praying for you, Jim!<BR>The kids must come first, lovebusting or no lovebusting.<P>AD

Jim,<P>God will be with you on Friday!!!! I think you can PLAN that both your W and the OM will be in court on Friday, if for no other reason than to get your goat.<P>Why do people have to be so mean-spirited? I have no idea, but some of them are.<P>I am praying daily for you....<P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Jim,<P>You have my prayers and thoughts. It is so hard to understand why a parent would even want their children to be a part of this. This just goes to show how sick and strong the addiction is and how gone their minds are.<P>Again my prayers will be with you and our children.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Jim, you were correct in saying that we had a lot in common.<P>I will pray for you and your kids, and for her too. <P>we Seem to be going through the same sort of battle. I hope things work out for you.<P>I also noticed you foung MB on my birthday, pretty neat.<P>Good luck, Paul<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Jim,<P>I will light a candle and be praying for you and your children. Life can definately throw us all in left field without a map sometimes. <BR>Friday will be tense for you and that is completely understandable, been through these court deals before too. No fun, but you are doing what you should for your kids. <P>Hugs and prayers are with you.

Jim,<P>You are always in my prayers, this being no exception.<P>You are trying to be the righteous man God wants you to be.<P>I will pray that the Lord gives you the courage you will need to look both of them in the eye and take the high road, by not LBing whatever.<P>With the praise and faith you show Him daily on these boards I am certain you will not be let down.<P>No matter what His will shall be done.<P>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jim,<P>You are RIGHT that the children MUST come first. If your W sees that as a LB, that is her problem. You must protect them, in every way.<P>Of course you have my prayers. I pray that God give you the wisdom of Kings, the patience of Job, and the gentleness of a dove. My you feel His presence with you. May His love fill your heart.<P>You will be, and are always, in my prayers.<P>God Bless you, my friend,<P>Cheryl

Jim,<BR>From what I've read you sound like a terrific Dad. The kids do come first. God is with you, I know you know that but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else. I will be praying for you on Friday. I know this is tough. I told my husband that he and I make the decision when and if the ow meets my girls. The older one knows and if she goes over there on her own and she is in town so be it. She wants to spit in her face anyway. However, the younger one is only 9 and doesn't know about the ow. He has agreed to this. I understand your consern about them spending time with the om under the circumstances. It seems that the judge should take the children't concerns into consideration. Isn't it amazing that a 10 year old knows right from wrong and a grown woman can't see it. God be with you. He is your strength. In Christ.

<B>sidney,<BR>already divorced,<BR>Desiree,<BR>Di,<BR>Paul,<BR>devastated2,<BR>Bill,<BR>Cheryl,<BR>hw</B>...<P>It is heartwarming to hear the support you are giving me.<P>The basic unit on the face of the earth is "<B>the family</B>", not the individual! Poisoning that basic unit has to stop.<P>Your prayers for me, are prayers for <B>family</B>... mine... yours... everyones!<P>Thank you... <BR>My prayers are going out to you too! <P>Jim

Jim,<P>You have yet to stop amazing me with your humility and unwavering selflessness.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The basic unit on the face of the earth is "the family", not the individual! Poisoning that basic unit has to stop.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You shame with your understanding, I thank you.<P>God will reward you my friend, and I will pray for your family to be healed.<P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Ditto to what Bill said.

Jim,<P>I've appreciated your wisdom several times, you can count on me, I'll be praying for you Friday as well. And I share your sentiment that the kids come first. Frankly is seeking recovery from my addiction, I know I need to get well first, but immediatly after that (in importance that is) is to make every effort to prevent my children from living with the affliction of addiction.<P>Your in my prayers, God's will to prevail.

Jim, You have been in my prayers since I have known you, but tonight I'll say a special prayer just for you and your children before I say my nightly prayer.<P>By the way Jim if she shows up in court with OM, just blow it off (now just read on) just think of it this way she has that shallow person behind her but, look on this BB and see how God and many people are behind you! <BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

Add me.<BR>I'll be praying as well.<BR>Kat

JIM,<P>You have my moral support & prayers (whish we all could be in that courtroom cheering).<P>Now on the bargaining table & not knowing your state's law, is there still time to negotiate or the court has to decide? If there's still time, does your W know that points 2 to 5 are unimportant to you? If she is not sure, or her lawyers are not sure, you can use those same issues to bargain your position- if you give them away immediately there will be, as you say, only one issue and this will be hard to negotiate, or the court will have a hard time deciding. I would say go for all 5 points and then "graciously" trade four (#2 to #5) for issue # 1- the one that you don't want to give up. (Any deal you make put it in writing and/or with witnesses).<P>We're with you, hold that family together!!!<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

My prayers are with you...

<B>Bill,<BR>devastated2,<BR>Repenting,<BR>Lesa (special thanks for your very kind words),<BR>Kat,<BR>Alex,<BR>NoTrust</B>...<P>You guys have put tears in my eyes this morning... <BR>Thank you... God bless you too! <P>Sorry to say... there is no negotiating <B><I>anything</I></B> now...<BR>The way "notice of motions" are handled (in my state) is that all documentation is put up in writing by the initiator of the motions... I respond once in writing... and then she gets one final time to provide a written "reply". When we go to court for the "oral arguments", only the attorneys can speak; and only under the rarest circumstances will the judge question either myself or my wife. No additional 'evidence' of any kind can be admitted to the court on the date of review.<P>One bit of good news... We will have the same judge ruling on these motions, who ruled on the early Restraining Orders(ROs). In my W's initial motion... she questioned the 'judgment" of the court on it's ruling on the previous ROs... I hope the judge remembers that! This was the same judge that gave me that 'sau sponte" RO! I'm cautiously hopeful... but realistic enough to know anything can happen.<P>This is <B>not</B> the final decree!... We (my W and I) have, back in August, agreed to try an work out the final PSA without going through the lawyers... but I don't know how much of <B>that</B> now carries weight, because of all of lies during and since. The final decree comes after a judicial review, and my attorney is attempting to postpone an Early Settlement Panel (ESP) review due next Tuesday.<P><B>I don't want a divorce!</B><BR>Final judicial review will be scheduled 4-? weeks after turning down(postponing) the last ESP review. <P>It's still a bit of a rough day... <B>today</B> is the one year anniversary of my W having her first face-to-face meeting with the OM!... yuck! <P>Thank you again for your prayers... <BR>You all make my days so much more than bearable! <P>Jim

Hey Jim,<P>You can count me in to be in your corner. A good bit of luck? getting the same judge.<P>Boy that anniversary thing is certainly a bite in the @ss. The only date that stays in my mind is March 13, 1999 at 0230 hours. That is the exact moment I had hard proof that something was going on behind my back. Val was also STRONGLY urged to leave the residence and complied. That will be forever etched in my head.<P>I wonder is Halmark makes a card for that occasion?<P>Sending good vibes and prayers your way.<P>Take care Buddy,<P>Tim