Jim, <BR>As you know, my marriage is heading in the same direction...it will be final Feb 10th and while we have not had any major drag out fights in regard to custody and property settlement issues, I too have been very concerned that when this is final, he will leave to be with the OW and want kids to visit her. This will probably be the only issue I will not back down on. She is? still with husband, I think, but H has visited her several times in the past few months. While I am not a religious person per say, my kids are teens and I feel that this relationship he and her have had while married would be detrimental to them to be exposed to. Stick to your principles when it comes to the kids. They only have you now to raise them in a way that they can be full adults. I will be thinking of you this week!

Jim, <BR>As you know, my marriage is heading in the same direction...it will be final Feb 10th and while we have not had any major drag out fights in regard to custody and property settlement issues, I too have been very concerned that when this is final, he will leave to be with the OW and want kids to visit her. This will probably be the only issue I will not back down on. She is? still with husband, I think, but H has visited her several times in the past few months. While I am not a religious person per say, my kids are teens and I feel that this relationship he and her have had while married would be detrimental to them to be exposed to. Stick to your principles when it comes to the kids. They only have you now to raise them in a way that they can be full adults. I will be thinking of you this week!<P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>

Jim, <BR>Don’t worry every thing will work out for the best, I think it is a good sigh however to have gotten the same judge that helped you with the RO's But like I said if OM comes with her Friday just keep your head, don’t let the hurt and anger get the best of you. You have the broken agreement (about living arrangements) and every thing else on your side. And who knows OM may do or say something to prove himself an a$$ in front of her, and even if the D does go through it doesn’t mean its over you two are bonded for life through the children I know of many couples that even after 5 or 6 years have remarried and are the happiest they ever have been.<BR>So just keep putting all of those love units in her account and she will see (God help her see it soon) who and where she had it best, I will continue to pray for you and your family, you keep you chin up and show all of them that no matter what you and you kids are the winners because you have one another.<P>Take care and God Bless<BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

Jim, <BR>You are an incredible man. You have been an inspiration to me since I found MB. I respect you so much for your inner strength and devotion to God. You have been there in prayer and support when I needed it (by the way, the W and I are doing well) so I will be here for you all week in prayer. Hang in there, brother!<P>All my love and blessings,<BR>Peter

Jim,<P>I'll keep you on the prayer list. And I'll share a little tibit with you that I used to cope: the dealings with an unfaithful spouse that you dread the most also provide you the biggest opportunity to demonstrate your new (non-lovebusting) behaviors. Remember that the challenges are opportunities.<P>I'm sure you'll pull it off just fine.

Jim,<BR>You are and will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you and your kids.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

<B>Tim</B>...<BR>With all the problems you're having, I'm thankful you took the time to reply...<BR>Anniversaries like these are just the pits...<BR>I'm not sure "...etched in my head" maybe should really be "...jackhammered into my psyche". <P><B>Susan</B>...<BR>I'm sorry for your date with the inevitable...<BR>It looks we are going down that same path...<BR>You keep strong too... brownphdt is in the same boat...<BR>You're right... when all is said and done... what final values, before they reach adulthood have <B>you</B> taught your children... whether religious or not! <P><B>Lesa</B>...<BR>Thanks for a second reply...<BR>My kids will be winners... At least they have one parent who is "thinking" about them...<BR>Thank you for the continued prayers... <P><B>Peter</B>...<BR>I can be no closer to you, nor you to me than when we are in prayer together...<BR>I'm glad you and your beloved are doing fine... I will continue to pray for you both... my brother... <P><B>K</B>...<BR>Whether I pull it off or not... may not be the question...<BR>The measure of a man is how he handles adversity! Anyone can live a carefree, simple life... it takes a man true to his heart and soul to survive the <B>real</B> hardships.<BR>With your prayers I can handle this and so much more...<P><B>Nicole</B>...<BR>Whose name on the forum I admire the most... <BR>I too will be there on Friday with <B>patient love</B>... Thank you...<P>Even if I don't succeed in court...<BR>I have <B>all of you to fall back on</B>...<BR>Talk about a "safety-net"! <P>God bless you all... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 04, 2000).]

Hi NSR -<P>Always here with you....in prayers or to fall back on when times are rougher than the usual nightmare!! You'll do fine - I am sure.....you have a good lawyer and the kids welfare uppermost in your heart!! <P>Medic.....Hallmark? LOLOLOLOLOL!!!<P>BIG HUGS, PRAYERS AND STRENGTH,<P>Sheba

Jim,<P>You haven't been here a long time but you have learned much. Now is the time to apply everything you have learned. Easy to give advice, difficult to follow, I know. Look before you leap. Stop before you say anything.<P>My prayers are indeed with you this week. Look to God & His will. Be strong when you have to & cry when you have to, but don't let your pride stand in the way.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Dear NSR,<P>My friend, you have my prayers and unconditional support.<P>The children do have to come first, no matter what. You have always done the right thing where they are concerned. Friday will be another example of you doing the right thing - for them.<P>I wish I could be there for you, to sit quietly, and just support. But I think you know that I am with you in spirit, as I'm sure everyone else will be. You know how much you are valued here.<BR>On the day, feel our prayers, feel our support, and feel our love for you. God, primarily, will get you through, but we'll be there beside you too.<P>I'll be thinking of you, and praying that it goes your way.<P>Jo

You are definitely in my prayers as always. I hope all goes well. You are a good man Jim, don't forget that. I admire your strngth and courage. Stay encouraged. <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>

Jim,<P>My prayers and thoughts will be with you and your children now, and Friday. What my atty. told me when we went to court on the custody hearings was that I must always show and speak with my son's best interest at heart. I had to give examples of why I was the appropriate choice to be my son's sole conservator, and these examples were done in a way that did not belittle or criticize my spouse but were FACTS that supported my claim that it was truly in the best interest of my son that he live with me. The judge agreed, and your judge will agree with you. The OM should not be allowed overnights when your children are visiting. This is clearly NOT in their best interest. It is damaging to their emotions, and paints a picture that immorality (adultery) is permissible and acceptable. Stand firm, but do it in a way that makes you look good and shows that you truly have your children's best interest in mind.

<B>Sheba</B>...<BR>Always the "wisdom" of the board...<BR>Thank you... yes... my attorney is good...<BR>But as anyone knows who goes through the court systems... it really is a crap-shoot.<BR>Tonight I was foolish and watched "Mrs. Doubtfire"... God... I couldn't finish watching the very end (<B>SAP</B> that I am) I cried at the few minutes before the very end... and my oldest son saw me... then I left to go to my bedroom... Oh well...<P><B>Chris</B>...<BR>You 2 time replier... <BR>Yeah... I did learn a lot fast... partially thanks you Chris... and K... and Paul... and many others... {I don't want this to go 4 pages)<BR>You know... of all the things you've said... I do see <I>pride</I> as a <B>killer</B> of His Spirit!<BR>I pray for <I>humility</I>, beyond all measure, for Friday... then no matter what... His will be done!<P><B>Jo</B>...<BR>As I sit next to my attorney on one side... I'll put a copy of my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A> book on the other side of the table...<BR>It'll be a reminder of all the people who really love <B>me</B> here... So many of you!<P><B>jamie-lee</B>...<BR>You've honored me so much...<BR>A first post with just my name on it... <BR>Thank you... thank you... thank you... <BR>I hope my words gave you some Harley-esque insight.<P><B>Alcoholic's Wife</B>...<BR>Your advice is sound... <BR>I've done many months of research on custody issue before I came to MB...<BR>Facts... no put-downs... <B>the children</B>... you're right...<BR>Thank you dearly... <P>--------------------<P>The outpouring by you here is tremendous...<BR>I pray tonight for <B>all</B> of you...<BR>That your lives and struggles are filled with this much love and compassion... <P>Now...<BR><B>I'm</B> getting at a lost for words... imagine that... <P>Jim<P>

Jim , you lost for words NO WAY!!!! LOL<BR>keep smileing.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

Jim,<BR>I haven't been here as long as some of the others, but I know that you have the best interests of your children at heart. Keep your chin up and stay strong. Only good can come of this.<BR>Prayers and love<BR>Mitzi

Jim, <BR>One thing that has helped me is to write down issues that I feel are important in regards to the kids. I have always been the primary caregiver, helping with homework, keeping everyones' schedules, keeping track of 2 teens! (yes, I still have my sanity!!!) And Peter has always given me free rein with this, so in our circumstance, there are few big issues to dispute. But as the D date gets closer, and all things must be put to paper for the courts, I have to think about the future. Perhaps, if/when this is all final, and he either is with op or someone else(and me, too, someday) things must be clear and fair to all, esp the kids. So I have been keeping many issues I feel are important in regards to thier upbringing in a journal. When I meet with him next week, we must finalize and agree to the final parenting agreement. My advice is not to let any LB and feelings of revenge(did I say that?? ) get in the way, but think clearly and fairly about what is in the kids best interests. Then hammer out a plan that both of you can live with in the long run. <P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>

<B>Everyone</B>...<BR>Some of you asked to know...<BR>I just got a tentative scheduled court time... it is at <B>11:30 AM (EST)</B>!<P>There is an outside chance the "review of motions" may be postponed 2 weeks... because of slow paperwork processing... (big surprise right!?)...<P>Now the <B>BAD</B> news... <BR>My attorney just told me my W is asking to <B>NOT postpone</B> the Early Settlement Panel(ESP) review scheduled for this upcoming Tuesday (the 11th!) This is a clear sign she wants to push the divorce forward... How do I stop the divorce train from steam-rollering over everyone?! <P>-----------------------------------------<P><B>Lesa</B>...<BR>Wow.. 3 replies for a single post... <BR>People here do give me inspiration... you do too! <P><B>Mitzi</B>...<BR>I realize that many times, when children are involved... this becomes a "Family Builders" site... Just the way it should be!<BR>Prayers make me so happy!<P><B>Susan</B>...<BR>I really do believe we can come to fair terms. I have been keeping a journal... The kids know (with crystal clean clarity) the difference in style of parenting... the condition of the home, meals etc. I just hate the thought of <B>d</B>ivorce. It has a permanace about it... even though I know it's still not the end!... <P>--------------------------------<P>I'll have a new post on the time (or date) of the judicial session when it is firmed up or changed. Updates on the ESP review too... <P>Thank you all once again!... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 05, 2000).]

well shoot I told you I was behind you, I got to keep checking up on you Besides being here makes me feel less "alone" in this big world. I cant be on long today (waiting for H to call & dont want the line to be busy)but I'll check back on and off today, let me know how things are going. If you dont want to talk about friday, talk about today. <BR>Take care and God Bless<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>