My wife of 4 years is involved in an Emotional Affair with a man 150 miles away. They met online and have seen each other twice in the past three weekends.<P>I believe in our marriage and and committed to saving it. She has gone back and forth saying that "she will try" to saying she "is in love with M***" as of last Sunday night.<P>To me, this is more dangerous than a physical affair. Her heart is somewhere else. How long do I wait? Am I being foolish to think this way?<P>We have a beautiful 2 year old son, whom we both love deeply. The missing ingredient in our relationship has been TIME together. We have over-parented and allowed our life together to be through our child. I clearly see this.<P>We are going to counseling. We had one introductory session together, and she has been once on her own. She says she is going NOT to restore the marriage, but to insure that what happened (or is happening) to us doesn't happen to her in a future relationship.<P>Is there hope here? I pray daily for God's assistance. He has given it to me. I am asking it for the marriage.<P>Please help with how and what I should expect, and what I can and should do. Thank you and God bless.........

Welcome <B>Committed Man</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>Yes... There is hope!!!... Read on...<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OW/OM/OP).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! <B> For you it is most critical to start in on a very firm <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!</B>.... Read everyting you can about it... then check out my post at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011323.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101</A>.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>You've found a safe haven here... <BR>and the best place to discuss issues of infidelity!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

I am trying to use the Plan A method. She is still in contact with OM, daily by telephone. She remarked to me last night that her "feelings" for him may not be real, and they could possibly just be because he is lisetning to her.<P>I have not issued an ultimatum for her not to talk with him, but have shared with her my discomfort for the situation.<P>We attended a counselling session this week, and it went OK. Nothing spectacular, but I didn't expect much from it that early.<P>I believe that our marriage cannot truly be looked at by the two of us as long as she has involvement with OM. I anticipate (and hope) that our counsellor will tell her the same. It is her opinion that he will not say that to her. (I spoke with a pastor who had high regards for the counsellor we are seeing).<P>I have been honest with her about my feelings and objective. We are still in the house together, but it can be very awkward at times. She sees OM as an "outlet", a "confidant", and as someone who is helping her deal with her own issues. She even said that "I have no idea" what they talk about and that my speculations were completely wrong. She said I have misjudged him and his intentions. I asked her if she had shared her "feelings" about him to him yet, and she said no. I am not sure that I believe that.<P>She keeps saying that "this will never work" (our attempt to look at our marriage) while we are in the same house unless I give her time and space. I am trying to do so, but it can become difficult when it is being done right under your nose.<P>She will tell me that she loves me, but only after I have said it first.<P>I am still trying to use the Plan A method, but am afraid that it is going to end up moving into a Plan B. She keeps talking about getting her own place, which would be a financial nightmare for her. (Last Sunday, she told me that only reason she hadn't left is becasue she doesn't have the financial resources). Then, when I ask her if this (reconciliation effort) is imrtant to her, I will get a reply of "That's why I am still here". <P>I am getting major mixed messages and truly do not know what to do at times. If I don't talk, she calls me "grumpy" or "pissy". When I do try to talk, she says I am pushing her.<P>I asked her if she would go to a movie with me this weekend. She told me that she would let me know tomorrow (which is today). When she called me this morning, her first questions, was "what movie do you want to see?" Should I be encouraged by this in any way, or is this just a method for her to cool things off so she can stay in the house?<P>Our 2 year old doesn't sem to know anything is wrong-at least not yet. He has been reaching out for me much more than usual though.<P>I am praying daily and believe that God is working on this. I deeply beileve that this relationship can not only be saved, but moved to a higher point than we have ever known it. Am I being impatient? This has ben going on for 30 days now.<P>The communication with OM is key to our problem right now. She can't truly focus on us while it continues. At what stage in counselling should this issue be brought up by the counselor? Or will he likely bring it up?<P>Please give me your thoughts and feedback. I need all of the help that I can get. Thanks.......