First, I wanted to thank you for such an excellent book. "His Needs, Her Needs" has helped save our marriage! My wife and I have been basically emotionally devorced for some time. With all of our separate activities, we had grown apart and where no longer trying to meet each others needs. We have 2 kids, age 4 and 5 months, she is a stay at home mom, but is very active in an business that she runs from home, I have a job that requires some overtime, and I like to play golf, softball, and other outside sports that she cannot yet participate in because she is nursing. Communication has always not been the best between us, so instead of working on our problems, we each just held our wants and needs inside, never expressing them to each other. <BR>As things got worse, I went to the internet to try and fill some of my needs. I hurt my wife deeply with my online exploits and thats when we both realized that we had to do something to save our marriage. <BR>I just wanted to report that we are both now trying to concentrate on each others needs, spend more time together and become the couple we once where.<BR>One of my wifes needs that she expressed to me is that she no longer wants me to communicate with the women I have met online. You talk about writing a goodbye letter to the OW or OM in your book, so I was looking for some examples of this type of letter on your website, but was unable to locate one. Since these where online relationships, it has a slightly different slant, so I wanted to share my letter that I wrote with you and everyone here in hopes that it can help someone else.<P>Goodbye Letter:<P>Goodbye…<P>In the best interests of my marriage and my wife’s feelings, I can no longer have any contact with you. I was extremely selfish in my actions online, as it hurt my wife, my marriage and my children deeply. My wife is the most important part of my life and the last thing that I want to do is hurt her any further. By spending my time online, I neglected my wife and my children. The best thing that I can do now is not to spend anymore of my time online and spend my time taking care of my wife and children’s needs. <P>I hope you can understand why I must do this and I hope you will kindly respect our wishes so that I can fully devote myself to my wife and children.<P>Regards,<BR>

Joe...your letter is good. However, you told OW that you can't contact her anymore. Don't forget to add that don't want her contacting you too.<P>I'm glad that you are doing the right thing. Best of luck to you and keep us updated....

Joe,<P>As a victum of a on-line affair that went to the next level i encourage tyou to completely cut all ties. AS another pointed out whoever your on-line ove is she has to know not to contact you too. Since any contact would lead to you responding and that leads to talking and cheating. This is based on my experience. My H had a on-line love for 6 months once he decided to Try with me she wouldn't leave him alone and out of some "respect" he would never hang up the phone or close the window she was talkign to him. This lead to a relationship once she moved to Ny from Cal. SO bottom LINE zero contact. If this means No computer unless your wife is right there looking over your shoulder then so be it. You have to prove your trustworthy. Your doing the right thing. Ending it before anything goes to the next level. I applaud you for your strong will and correct choice. but Keep in mind you need to always remain strong. If these OW conntact you do not respond, close the chat window and hang up teh phone. You owe not a single person anything except for your wife<BR>Confusedwife

Welcome <B>JoeT</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>Congratualtions... <BR>You're in a <B>good</B> recovery... <P>Follow the <B>Four rules to guide marital recovery</B>...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR></OL>...as spelled out in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> also by Dr. Willard Harley<P>The work is hard... the rewards eternal!<P>You're good shape... <BR>Do keep us updated... there is nothing more we appreciat than success stories!!!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...