I thought I would move the beginning of a debate on Tman's thread to here.<P>I found 32 betrayed spouses said their spouse's OP was their soulmate.<P>I think it is a jargon used to justify an affair. What do you think?<BR>

I think finding your REAL soulmate is RARE (if there even IS such a thing).<P>All you can do is get closer and closer to your spouse and form that friendship bond that cannot be severed. Maybe that IS a soulmate. I don't know.<P>Yes, it's a term used to justify an affair. The OM said it to me too. Jerk.

Yes!!! It is a means to justify the affair. It is a lie told by Satan, because it doesn't really exist. If any relationship is to survive it requires both parties to be open and honest. I would think that the same thought went through my W's head when we initially met. I never used the term on her because I don't believe it. I know that both parties have to work on it to make it work. This applies to all relatinships: employer/employee, friends, parent/child, etc.<P>------------------<BR>Rob<P>

I used to think my husband and I were soulmates. And I still do I guess. But I really think he has replaced HER in my soulmate role now. And YES I think it's to justify this affair. He has lied to himself about her, that just because she is his first love, that she is THE one. He has not said this to me, but he wouldn't, I just know him. It sickens me to no end. He is so mesmerized by this monkey face dwarf....he can't even see that she is UGLY......(ain't I mean?) <BR>I just had to say that...I've been so full of anger at her lately. <BR>I really don't know what I believe on the soulmate issue anymore. After talking with Steve H. it kinda turned my beliefs around. I am currently trying to reorient my thoughts and beliefs about love and marriage, and soulmates. He says that no relationship is "meant to be"....or "fated"....so I just don't know anymore. I liked my "magical" thinking, it made me feel safe...like God had sanctioned my marriage....now I just don't know.<P>------------------<BR>~Linda~<P>

OK...this requires me to step out of my anonymity just a bit...and I hope and pray that neither my H nor OW stumbles in here.<P>The whole "soulmate" thing is part of the "romantic love" crap we get fed from childhood. Think about it -- from Casablanca to Gone with the Wind to Titanic, what are great romantic movies made of -- doomed lovers that are "soulmates." And what is an affair? Doomed love.<P>I've had a number of discussions about this in the last year, because: OK, well, I confess. I write fan fiction. Yes, I do. Yes, it's a completely embarrassing thing for someone who fancies herself a writer to do. I mentioned the film TITANIC in Tman's thread. My project is a "How did Rose meet her husband and what was her marriage like" story. Yes, it's on the Web. And I think it's pretty good. <P>I set about writing a guy for the character of Rose who was so fabulous, so wonderful, that people who read my story (and about 50 people or more are regular readers) would forget all about ol' what's-his-name. And I did. And yes, writing that guy helped me remember what I fell in love with about my husband many years ago, so it was a marriage boost too.<P>The more I wrote this wonderful guy, the madder I got that I had to send her to Titanic Heaven at the end. And you know what? People STILL haven't accepted this character...they want this woman to cry her whole life over a 4-day affair with a Leonardo DiCaprio character. That's how powerful the "soulmate" thing is. But we as a culture don't realize that it's not REAL...it's fantasy, fed to us mostly by movies.<P><BR>

You say this story is on the internet? Can you send it to me? <BR>Bravo for your insight... <BR>It is soooo romantic....but not reality. <P>------------------<BR>~Linda~<P>

Post your E-mail and I will....as I said, this is already giving up more anonymity than I'd planned.<P>Oh, BTW, I have an interesting plotline in mind that will use much of what I've learned here!

Oh sorry....I thought since I had it posted on my profile you could get it.... <BR>It's LindaW1956@aol.com<P>------------------<BR>~Linda~<P>

I do believe in covenant marriage, where a 3 stranded cord is not easily broken, and that God sees what he has joined through marriage no longer 2 but one spiritually, but I don't think that has anything to do with finding a soulmate.<P>I think it has to do with a 3 way commitment, and the only one able to keep His commitment perfectly, is God. If he sees us as one, then we are. Any one else, despite that lie of "soulmate" to justify someone's affair is the outsider, and is trespassing. Not only trespassing on the marriage but on a covenant relationship with God. So, this soulmate stuff is in my opinion, garbage - and sin.<P>What is sin? Short lived pleasure.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited June 15, 1999).]

Soulmate? Isn't WIFE or HUSBAND a stonger term. It should be. After all, didn't we think our spouse was a 'soulmate' at one time? I think this 'soulmate' poop is just a part of the infatuation used to justify an affair. What happens to the 'soulmate' title later on? We don't want to think about cleaning our soulmate's dirty underwear. We don't want to think about our soulmate having baby vomit down their shirt. We don't want to think about buying tampons for our soulmate. The romanticism of 'soulmate' loses its flare with those things. But to me, those things are what makes my W my soulmate. 50 years of those little things, have to out weigh the temporary infatuation of an affair - don't they? <P>When Dazed brought up 'Titanic', it made me think about the ending. She's right. Rose goes off an marries some guy for 50+ years and is drawn to a four day fling from her teenage years? What's that? What kind of relationship did Rose and Jack really have other than a few nice words and a steamy encounter in the back of a car. Does that outway 50+ years of marriage? How about "Bridges Over Madison County". There's another one. A couple day affair out weighing a long marriage. Since Meryl Streep decided to stay with her H, why didn't she open up to him and discuss her unhappiness in her marriage? Maybe her H felt their marriage was stagnent and would want to get things going again too.<P>I think Hollywood perpetuates this 'soulmate' junk. How often do we see movies of happy marriages? For crying out loud how many Disney movies have a two parent household? <P>I think the words MARRIAGE, WIFE, HUSBAND, far out weigh the term 'soulmate'.<P>------------------<BR>Sir Hurts Alot<BR>---------------<BR>"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." - George Sand<p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited June 15, 1999).]

Oh..trustntruth...I've never heard sin put that way before. Makes sense to me. <BR>I keep thinking of "by their fruits you shall know them" in the context of how this OW weaseled her way into my marriage and destroyed it....and also "let no man tear asunder what God has joined together" I hope someday he sees that she is a wolf in sheeps clothing. <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Linda~<P>

Dazed is so right!<P>Love is largely a decision.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Well,<P>So far, it appears there is not much of a debate here. I guess I have to echo the majority here and say that the "soul mate" stuff is a load of garbage. There are an infinite number of people out there whom we can meet, fall in love with, and marry. If the soul mate stuff was true, considering how many people there are in the world, don't you think it would be VERY rare for soul mates to actually meet up and find each other?<P>Just my 2 cents.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<BR>

Sir HurtsALot: See, we can agree on some things! <P>Yes, there are a lot of people we could fall in love with and marry. Why do we marry who we do and not others? I had a boyfriend that I tried to get to commit for 3 years and two breakups, and he wouldn't. Finally, after the second breakup, he decided he was ready, and guess what? I no longer wanted to.<P>Fast-forward three more years and a string of failed relationships. I go on a hellish date where the guy talks all evening about his failed marriage and about est. I decide, screw this. No more men. Ever. Who needs this?<P>The next day, I go out with some friends, and some of her friends, and lo and behold -- there he is -- my H.<P>And the rest is history.

I know I threw the question out on my other post about "soulmates"...to generate some discussion...glad to see it picked up here.<BR>I think Daze is correct in one sense...that the term has become another word to describe "romantic love" . We tend to relabel things to give them a "new look" I feel many people who don't "feel something " for someone they are involved with would assume they are not "soulmates".<P>But while the term does not appear in scripture...I believe the principal is biblical....God intended for husband and wife to "become one"...a joinging together not only in the physical sense...but spiritualy, emotionaly...as well as physically.<BR>WHen a man and a women engage in sexual intercourse...married or not...their is a "joining together" that was part of God's design. When it takes place outside the marriage union...there can be some "soul ties" that can cause problems for people later on. <P>I use an illustration at times to prove a point. Take a piece of masking tape...place it on a table...then peel it up and put it on a door...remove and place on a mirror...etc....<BR>After awhile...the tape loses its ability to "bond"...and yet...if you rub your hand over the places it has been...what do you find? Yes...a residue of the "bonding agent" or the sticky-stuff if you will. When we "join sexually" with others...we "leave a part of ourselves with them."<P>Who of you don't remember the "first time you did it" with someone...you will never forget it...a bonding took place and you left a part of yourself with that person...and you have a part of them with you. I belive God can "untangle" or "break" these ties through prayer and confession....because I believe they hinder a healthy bond taking place between husband and wife. Ever try to replace a water pump or some part on a car where there was an old gasket still there? Unless youget a clean, smooth surface...you hinder the part from bonding effectively.<P>When a man or woman does not "feel" like their spouse is their "soulmate"...I believe that "things" may be hindering the bonding process. Regardless of who you marry...once the choice is made...I believe that person becomes your "soulmate"...and God can bless it...if we follow his plan for marriage.<P>But that term I believe we hear tossed so freely around today really describes a "feeling" that may have faded with one person and been rekindled with another. <P>In my case as I have posted...I was certainly attracted to this woman...and "felt" a spark of romance...for several reasons. But I have enough sense to know for a fact she was/is not my "soulmate"....and I am not hers.<BR>And...that is my two cents on the subject....

dazed,<P>I did am internet search on How did Rose meet her husband and what was her marriage like and one of the links was to the artice "How to Meet the Need for Affection" this MB site. Spooky, huh?<p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited June 15, 1999).]

Weird. <P>But the entire project has been like that. I can't even begin to tell you the multiple layers of synchronicity that the project has generated -- as well as friendships that I value highly.<P>So many weird coincidences...that's one of the reasons I devote so much time to the project...I am MEANT to write this.

Dazed - I think there are only a few things we don't agree on . <P>Unforunately, we are all in the same boat. I pray it's NOT the Titanic. We will help each other get to the other side of this voyage. <P>

Soul Mate ??? I thought I found one of those once ! LOL I was much younger and the pitty pat feeling was in fact "Puppylove" ..... I believe that the term Soul mate " is another word for betrayers to help justify the affair ! I only have 1 "soul" and I believe my soul belongs to a much higher power , one not of this earth <BR> Katana

Dear Pastor Tman:<P>Soul Ties is another subject!!!! <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited June 15, 1999).]