H says that he wants us both to be sure that we are doing the right thing by giving our marriage another shot. I agree. But I am unsure as to how to handle the practicalities. There are a few options.<P>1.) move out of OW's apt and back in with me and kids, look for another job and then quit place where OW works when he finds something<P>2.) move in with mother until he can find new job and then move back with me(kids would have to spend weekends with psychotic grandma and transportation issues.)<P>3.) move in with friend and friend's wife until he finds a new job (HUGE transportation issues and he would have to come here on weekends to watch kids while I work.)<P>Any suggestions as to the best way to do things and in what order? Do we simply pick up where we left off or do we start "dating" again (hard to do when he is living with OW and she doesn't know what is going on yet.)?<P>AAAAAH! It is so confusing. I am praying for clarity on this one. Please help!<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

Rachel,<P>I'm no expert but...<P>I would eliminate your 2nd and 3rd choices. It will be stressful enough trying to rebuild your relationship, trust, manage children, ow's reaction with this decision without adding the stress of a MIL and transportation issues. <P>No you don't just pick up where you left off! Everything is going to change. Your life will never be the same, but everyone successful on this board says that it is better than they ever imagined.<P>I would avoid any unnecessary stress. Concentrate on counseling, new job, your relationship and your family.

Any more help on this one... please!!<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

This is a tough one. <BR>I think I would go for being together. You don't have to make any decision a permanent one but that looks to be the best option.<BR>It is home. It makes a direct statement of comittment to the marriage. I think it says more to the OW than words could ever do.<BR>Can you handle it? Is it too much for you to start with?<BR>If you both realize that there is still work to be done I would say move him home.<BR>You can still date if he's home you know. Let him court you!!!!<BR>

How's about he find somewhere of his own for a while, close by, but so he can really get the OW out of his life, and you can get to know one another again. He could see the kids and you as much as he likes, get another job, and you would know then that he is taking control of his life - if and when the time is right to move back together, it would be a choice, not just the "best option". Financial restrictions maybe, but in the long run, might be the best way. Just a thought.

Don't listen to me because I don't know what I'm talking about, but if him finding his own place for a while is out of the question, how about having him move in but separate bedrooms for a short while?<P>The advantage to him being close by but separate apartment is that you won't have to deal with the W/D 24 hours a day. He should break CLEANLY, ASAP.<P>The OW won't make a problem for him at work, will she?

I think the seperate bedroom idea is good. It puts you together with your H, yet at the same time is telling him he has alot of work ahead of him if he wants to rebuild your marriage. It would give you guys a chance to make spending the night in the same bed a special thing, which I think many of us take for granted after awhile.<P>How hard will it be for H to find a new job? Will he wait to tell OW he is leaving until after he finds a new job? I pray that he can make a clean break from her. It's great that he realized he really loves you and that he is meant to be with you!<P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

I am not sure what to do now. It is not possible financially for him to move into an apt on his own. With the amount of money he is needing to give me, he can't afford something himself. (Right now he is only paying 1/2 of everything with OW). The separate bedroom thing is physically impossible too, cause I have my room, our daughter has her room and the 2 boys have a room so there really isn't anywhere for H to go unless he bunks with the boys, and there is no room for another bed in there. Also I am unsure as to what message that sends to the kids? I want us to be committed but that scenario is a little confusing I think. I have no idea what to do about the job thing. He hasn't even mentioned all this to OW at all! So, I don't know how that is going to play out. Any help would be appreciated. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

I'd vote for just having him move back in, with a committment to work hard on the marriage. Doing something that is going to cause financial strain may well interfere with reconciliation.

Hi Rachel,<P>Well, I was going to suggest the separate bedrooms too, but it looks like that is out. Have you checked into rooms for rent in your area... it's usually a lot cheaper than a place on his own. I know there are alot of people here who rent out rooms or guest houses fairly inexpensivly. If not... maybe putting a rollaway bed in your room??? Kinda like TV in the 50's, I know, but it might be an option.<P>I hope you find an answer that works. I'll add my prayers to yours.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>