The saga continues....<P>I met W at McD's by our house so she could see the boys for the first time since we left for MD. We both sat with the boys and I had to do most of the talking to them. I told them that M&D have decided not to stay married and that we love them and each other but only dad will be living with them. I assured them that noting is there fault and they did nothing wrong and they will continue to see us both. That seemed to hold them for a while so I figured the less said beyond the basics the better. No trash talking was said and it very short and quick.<P>I left W with the boys and took D back to the house so she could get a bunch of stuff. I asked how she was and she told me that she had to sleep on the sofa because OM's wife and kids use one bedroom and W and OM share the other. (How sick is that? I don't know if I could ever win the custody battle for D as I never adopted her, just loved her and supported her and been her only dad for the past 7 years). <P>W came to the house after McD's and the boys watched a video while W and I talked.<P>We ironed out the visitation schedule and the ground rules. 1) W does not come into the house to pick up boys, I take them to meet her. (It's too hard on them to see her come in to our home and then leave again) 2) W meets me to exchange the boys - again no coming to the house. 3) NO CONTACT w/OM period, no way. Restraining order was filed today. 4) Boys can't be taken to W & OM's home (Den of adultery) 5) No contact w/OM's estranged wife or kids. RO filed today. 6) No taking to boys into home of anyone not on "approved list" (W's has changed all friends none of whom I know and probably of poor character) W agreed to this and I didn't express any anger in relating my demands.<P>W then asked when I was filing and if she should get a lawyer. I suggested she would be a fool not to have legal counsel. Then we got on the subject of money.<P>W then began to tell me what a good sport she does not think it fair to ask me for spousal support under these conditions. I reminded her NC is an at-fault state and I would protest such support. In addition, she could get a job tomorrow paying $40K as a paralegal if she wanted. She claims to be trying to save $ for an Apt. for her and daughter and asked if I would help with $. I said only if the Court requires me to do so and that she should ask OM for financial support. She claims he doesn't make that much $ so I reminded her that she has had many other options but chose to move in w/OM. <P>We then started talking about divisions of assets and debt payments, etc. Most of it was amicable but I reminded her that full discovery would not being until after I filed. I had asked about her wedding ring which she still wears. She said she wanted to use the diamonds to make rings for the boys. I reminded her it should yield about $6K in liquidation and the money could be put to better use, like debts or trust funds for the boys. She got all teary eyed and just sat there. I asked her plainly what part of ending our marriage did she think would be easy? Without treating her like a teenager, I reminded her that this is what she was supposed to be thinking about when we left home to ponder her future. THIS IS THE FUTURE SHE CHOSE.<P>There were a number of other issues we dealt with like the boys asking mommy why and where she's going. I took them up to their bath so W could leave and carry out a bunch of stuff. The boys don't need to see that.<P>The very interesting part of all this is that I think she just got a full dose of reality and the fantasy may be over. OM now has to support an ex-wife, 3 kids, his lover (W) and her daughter. 7 people in a two bedroom apt. I will be requesting child support from W so her contribution will be minimal. I can just imaging how OM will react when our 14 yr old teen daughter starts complaining (She's really good at that). It will be like Hell over there. <P>To be perfectly honest, I'm not gloating. I actually hope this double-dose of reality helps W wake the hell up. I still haven't decided if I would agree to reconcile if she wanted to but I think I would prefer to work hard and for years if needed to rebuild my family. The alternative is just too damn sad and if we split forever, Satan wins. I don't want to lose the spiritual battle of my short 38 year lifetime.
