<BR>How long can I do this? It's only been 11 days and I feel like I'm dying inside. It's not getting any easier. I don't think I can do this for a long time. I love him and my kids more than anything, but what about me???? Don't I deserve some happiness?? I have tried to make him happy for 10 years but it never worked and what did it get me?? Sh*t on! How can I honestly think this will work?? I don't think I'll ever be the person he wants.<BR>I'm sorry. It's just one of my down times. Happens almost every night. Bedtime.....its so lonely......

as charolet would say "chin up!"...it get easier.......<P>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

Mitzi,<BR>come on hun you got to keep the faith, I've been doing this for six months I know how you feel trust me. I live for his contact any way any time,but if you give up then what did you start fighting for? I am not giving up and I hope you know we are here if you need to talk any time you know that, but you know what is best for you and your kids, but like alot of good things they will take time, I know how the down times are you even replied to my post about that, but the sun does come up in the morning. I have a ? do you work outside the home? becouse I dont (for now) and it is really hard during the day when every thing is quiet but like you said it is hardest at bed time. so(dont laugh) I got a teddy bear that he gave a while back and now I hold on to it untill I can hold onto him. You will find something that helps you.<BR>take care and God Bless <BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

No I don't work, never have. I went to college for 2 years and got married right after my 2nd year. I went from my parents to my H. I've never been on my own before, and I don't want to be. I guess I will have to go to work at least part time. <BR>Daytime isn't so bad because I have a son who's almost 3 to keep me occupied. About the time he's getting off work is when I get depressed. I know thru the week he's not with her, but he always called me every night, just to check on me and the boys. I miss the phone calls. I guess, now she's getting them. <BR>I just can't seem to pull myself out of this slump. I have 3 kids that need me and I feel like I'm letting them down. <BR>I DO want him to come home. I'd almost agree to him seeing the OW if he'd just be here with us. I feel like I'm getting desperate. <BR>I know what you mean about the teddy bear. My H still has some clothes here and I sleep in his T-shirts. Sounds dumb. My 3 yr old spilled some of H's cologne in the bedroom, now I can't sleep there. The whole room smells like him. I try to go in there as little as possible. <BR>I wish there were some magic words I could say and wave a magic wand and go back about 6 months. This would NOT have happened.

Mitzi,<P>No it is not dumb...I would sleep in my H's t-shirts whenever he leaves them here, too. But, only the ones he worn, so I can smell his scent! The IDIOT!!!!! We love them so much and they are off in a bubble-headed world. post-discovery for me has been 8 months. H and I have been separated 6 months with one brief several week reconciliation after 3 mos. It IS hard. it IS lonely. It SUCKS. But, you don't get a choice. Even if you file and get a divorce, you will still feel those things until you recover.......<P>We are here for each other!!! <P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Mitzi,<BR>I understand what you mean about almost agreeing to him seeing the OW if he would come home. I wish I had never confronted my H - maybe he would never have left, and at least the children would still have a father. I don't know what else I would do differently if I had to do it over, and I guess I am in the minority, but in my case it seems that Plan A has not only not been ineffective, it has allowed and encouraged him to become more and more cruel as time goes on. I don't know what I should have done instead, but nothing could be worse than the current situation. <P>Eleven days is undoubtedly way too soon to give up - but I don't know that I would recommend waiting the 10 months it has been for me.

I love the dirty shirts, too!! Anything to cling to. I know it's soon. We separated 2 times before. In '91 for 3 whole days, and in '92 for 10 days. Then he was out of town working for 6 months but me and the kids were with him 2 weeks out of every month. That was in '94. (He was staying with his mom. She lived away from us at the time.) This is the longest he's been gone unless it was for work. But the earlier separations were never about another person. They were about his drinking. And he always came home. He always wanted to come home. Now I'm not so sure.

It is going on 9 months for me. Mitzi, it does get easier...Of course I had divorced friends that would tell me that and I would just cry and say no way! For me it has gotten easier....but not really better. Nights are/were the most horrible thing for me. It seems that it is easier to cope with anything when the sun is shining...but then again I would always wish that he was enjoying the sunshine with me. Sad songs don't choke me up as bad....but some still can get me going. For a long time I would catch myself staring out the kitchen window everynight at 5:30 waiting to see his car coming down the street. Just a habit I had done for so long that I still do sometimes....and God help me if a black car comes around the bend. My heart stops. Time does help.....No it hasn't healed all wounds...but it sure has helped. Good Luck<BR>Nancy

Mental,<P>You put that very nicely - time helps even though the wounds aren't healed yet....<P>That's just about 100% right for me, too....<P>Hang in there, Mitzi!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Well at least I know that I am not the only one to hold on to the little things, after H left from his visit I hated having an empty bed, but I still have not washed his pillow case, I lay on it hold the teddy bear tight kiss his photo say my prayers and try to go to sleep. mitzi I know the desperate feeling you have I am so tempted to ask H if he would just live in the same house but different rooms just so I could be near him, but then I think if I got that I still would miss him, that’s not how I want it to be, so I am going to fight until my dyeing breath and every day I'm going to fight even harder than the day before, I will miss him some days will be harder than most but I will succeed, we will be a family again, (I may be foolish but hey what can it hurt, look where I am now)<BR>Don’t give up Mitzi I don’t think form knowing you these past weeks you are a quitter, or one who settles. You are worth a lot more than that, you are a good person and H will see that one day (I pray soon) but you hang in there and you will come out on top of things <P>Take care and God Bless<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P><p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited January 05, 2000).]

Thanks guys! I'm slowly coming out of the "bad" part of today. <BR>And his pillow cases haven't been washed since he left. They smell like him. (Oh God, that seems disgusting!) But I only hug the pillow not actually sleep on it! HAHAHA! i think it's harder because most of his stuff is still here. He only took about half of his clothes and his tools for work. But it's also comforting to have some of his stuff still here. At least he's not completely gone. I miss him so much!!

Mitzi,<BR>I think one of the most devestating things for me was coming home and finding all of his stuff gone. I should have hid a shirt or something...maybe sprayed some cologne on the pillow...anything. But didn't get the chance. But it is probably for the best. The other night I was somewhere a guy kept leaning over me and he had on the same cologne as my H wears. My heart started feeling so hot and seemed to just drop down in my stomach. The rest of the night I caught myself starring at this man. I was trying to figure out if I found him attractive or was it just the smell. Sorry to say....it was just his cologne. He was cute...but it seems I just can't get myself to even look at another man. <BR>Nancy

if only these guys knew what they were losing. every minute that passes, just remember you won't have to do that minute again. during separation i tried to stay up late doing things, even reading, so when i got in bed i was tired. then i took one tylenol pm so i'd fall asleep faster. just so you know, i've taken one (or a half) a night for almost every night for a whole year without any side effects. the dr. said it's ok too.<BR>

They are too angry and feeling too guilty to realize what they are losing. My H can hardly look me in the eye. He always keeps his head down or turns away from me. I take that as a good sign, meaning he's ashamed or feeling alot of guilt. For now, all I can do is just bide my time and take advantage of any time I do have with him. (Which is only a few hours a week). H married me for a reason and I am determined he will remember what that reason is.

Mitzi,<BR>What a wonderful way to look at it. Great quote to remember when things get tuff and you feel like lovebusting......My H married me for a reason....I am determined to make him remember why. Gosh I wished I would have thought of that. I was so stupid that I would lovebust and then wonder why he would leave. DUH? Can't change the past, but I can make from now on something to be proud of. Good Attitude!!!<BR>Nancy

That was thought of in one of my few moments of clarity! There have only been a handful in the past few days. I can't change what he's done or what I did but I CAN and WILL change what happens in the future! I'm not giving up now but there I moments I want to just say "Screw it all!" and go on with my life. But then I try to imagine my life without him and I can't! I can hardly remember life before him.

I know what you mean I was 17 when we met 18 when we got married I even did my last year of HS while we were married, can you imagine giving your H your report card LOL. But it is nice to see you in an up beat and positive mode mitzi keep it up girl.<BR>Take care and God Bless<BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>