Just so everyone knows, I have no intention of changing my user name just to run away from OW. And I will admit that Mia is correct when she posted that she tried repeatedly over the past couple of weeks to call me and carry on a conversation or to ask me to meet with her. I did hang up on her. I didn't want to see her. And I agree that I didn't give her a chance to tell me in person. I just never thought that my telling my H about this site a few weeks ago would then be told to his "girlfriend". <P>I am more calm now that I was when I first read Mia's post from yesterday. I still do not accept her appology nor will I forgive her for stealing my husband's affection from me. On the other hand, here is my H at home, and completely detached from me. He has been unhappy and miserable for many, many years and I quite frankly have done nothing to change anything for the better. He did talk to me on several occasions about our marriage being in trouble, actually for years he would bring this up, but me, I chose to have the blinders on and ignored his requests to seek help. I'm angry that it took his "ow" to urge him to continue to ask me to go to counseling. I only agreed to go because he wouldn't let up. And what did I get when we went there? A full blown horrible confession of the affair! If anyone's head was and still is in the sand, it's mine. I can't make him love me. Right now I don't love him. I don't even like him. Maybe we are better off separating. Even the counselor has suggested this! We seem to be at an inpasse...

Tired Lady,<BR>I'm so sorry.

<p>[This message has been edited by TryingAgain (edited August 25, 1999).]

Thinking about you...often have the same thoughts about whether it is all worth it, or whether there is a better life for us elsewhere, with someone who values us as we are. I guess only we can know that. :-)

I am thinking about you too and I wished you to be strong. Just remember that what couldn't kill you will make you stronger. You are a very strong and brave woman, Tired Lady. Keep your chin up!!<P><BR>{{{Tired Lady}}}<P>Love,<BR>Saskia

I've been thinking about those questions I would ask OW, as my husband wouldn't be teling me anything - his answers would be "I don't remember" and "I don't know..."<P>I guess I would ask how and when did they meet, what was the attraction. What happened at home that day, who was around, who knows - where did you go, why did you go there...... How did it feel and what were you thinking. What did you like and not like.<P>All kinds of questions!<P>I don't know that it would be real healthy for our relationship to hear the answers, I think this would have to be handled very delicately, and I would have to plan my support and get away to process my feelings - because I would be sure to lovebust. And I wouldn't want to do that. But I do need to know - maybe a professional could help me and husband walk through that step.<P>I just don't see that step happening for us for quite a long long long time.

For the record, I think you're very brave! <BR>I do have a concern though. You mentioned separating & that the counselor has suggested it. I hope OW doesn't take that as a "green light" to change her mind about her "choice". Stuff like that is what I worry about with BOTH of you here. I can't imagine how you feel with the OW looking over your shoulder.<BR>I wouldn't trust OW. I just don't want the OW to have any "ammunition" against your marriage. In a marriage, 3 is a crowd. When the 2 of you stood before God & married, OW wasn't there. OW shouldn't be there if you & H must part, even though she played a part in between. I hope she continues to stay at bay. OW needs to stay out of it & have NO CONTACT with either of you. I'm not sure I'm making sense and I sure hope I'm not stirring up trouble. I'm just worried. Regarding the state of your marriage, I have been where you are. Unfortunately, it's going to get worse before it gets better. BUT it CAN GET BETTER! Atleast you've sought professional help to help you through it. Hang in there even when you're not sure you want to!<P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Kyra (edited August 25, 1999).]

I'm glad the pain and shock are wearing off a bit. Sorry about your H's withdrawal, though .<BR>Hey, my H's OW called me last month and told me i was a terrible mother, and blamed me completely for my H's scr*ing her...come to think of it, i'd probably be pretty hacked if she tried to apologize at this point. Oh well, what the hell...<BR>Just plan A for awhile, and your H will snap out of it-don't expect much soon, though .<BR>hang in there.<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

Tired Lady, I'm glad to see that things have settled a bit for you. You just showed great courage in what you just wrote. I still can't imagine how betrayed you felt when the ow posted in here. I agree that she has every right to be here if she is looking for help or advice in her marriage, however I do not believe that was her intention. I think you are remarkable and can only hope the very best for you.