I was wondering if you could respond to my post from yesterday: "i hope I'm not pregannt:please respond" I think its at the bottom of page two. I'd like to know what you think. Do you still think I should go to plan B?<P>Anyone else with advice,please do respond.<BR>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P><p>[This message has been edited by jamie-lee (edited January 04, 2000).]

Jamie-Lee,<P>I'm not NSR nor do I pretend to be an expert on this. What I do know is what I learned from Steve Harley.<P>He told me that <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> must flow together seemlessly.<P>Before I go to plan-b I must exicute a nearly flawless plan-a, so plan-b doesn't seem like punishment.<P>A couple of questions; How long has your H been in the "crotch"?...hehe, sorry I come from a family of Marines.<P>Is he a lifer?<P>Is he a grunt?<P>What are his buddies like?<P>Is there no chance to live together?<P>The reason I ask, is you know as well as I do the attitude of our nations finest.<P>Do you think his buddies influence his thinking.<P>You know the old, If my woman ever cheated on me...yamma yamma yamma...<P>How old is your H?<P>If this is the case can he be separated from them when he's not on duty?<P>Whats his rank?<P>I don't mean to pry, I think I have a pretty good understanding of the mind of a <BR>Jar-Head...<P>His beer drinking buddies in the barracks may have a negative influence on him. After all he does have to save face in front of them. Or so he thinks.<P>Read up on plan-a real well.<BR>Do the lovebuster questionaire.From his perspective.<BR>Do the emotional needs questionaire, also from his perspective.<P>This may give you a better starting place.<P>Vice-cop huh?...<P>You will need all of that strength and courage to get through this.<P>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<BR><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill: Here's the answers to your question.<P>He's an 02/ MOS-Intelligence specialist<P>Though MOS is not a grunt, he is support for a grunt battalion.<P>He has 7 buddies that he seems to hang with. I know them all. 3 of 7 are good friends of his and they are the one that I like as well. The others he calls associates and I dont really care for them. They seem to have no life goals. One of his friends told me that he realy believes my husband loves me but he thinks he's being stubborn.<P>Well, we could live together, but it was his decision that we should seperate. So I moved out. I moved about an hour away in the city I work. I use to commute. He helps me pay for RENT and Daycare. In NC you have to live apart for a yr. before you can file for divorce. This April he can file. I'm scared.<P>Not really. The three that he calls his friends actually has tried to tell him to work things out. My husband has always seemed to be open to criticism, but it seems as if the more people tell him that he should stay, the more he pulls away. i just don't know where he's coming from.<P>Both my husband and I are 22. I know pretty young. We were high school sweet hearts. He wanted to join the Marines and I wanted to be an officer, but we also wanted to be together. It's a shame that both of our professions has one of the highest divorce rates. I want to sve it so bad.<P>He lives in the barracks, but he has his own room. He comes down here every weekend to spend time with our daughter regardless if I work or not. Sometimes when I'm off, we'll actually do something together. Sporadically though!<P>i don't know Bill, I know we are young but I just really believe that we can do this. Sometimes I think those other four guys are a bad influence on him. All they seem to think about is the night life and drinking.<P>My husband knows the word of God and I believe he does have a relationship with God. So who's actually hearing from God, Me or him? And no, I don't mind the questions, I welcome them. I need to know what's going on? Help......<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>

Bill He's a Sgt and he's been in for four years. He has a five year enlistment. EAS is Aug. 2000

Cherry Point or Legiune(I can't spell)<P>I have a cousin thats a computer jockey for the airwing @ Cherry Point.<BR>I'm in Charlotte, I know all too well the D laws.<P>An Idea!<P>Get the Book Divorce Busting, it can explain this better than I.<P>Whenever you sre around H and something comes up respond 180 degrees of your normal responce. He will have t respond differently.<P>Do you still beg and bargain? If so stop, can be seen as LB.<P>Do you get angry at his indecission? If so stop BIG LB.<P>Watch out for disrespectful judgments also, they are very sneaky.<P>Next time he comes around commoit <B>ZERO</B> LBs.<P>Try to meet as many of his emotional needs as possible.<P>If he tries to test your new attitude do a 180 in your responce.<P>See how he responds.<P>Don't preach God to him, LB, disrespectful judgement. He should already know Gods will.<P>This won't be easy I assure you, take notes in your head see what works and what doesn't.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill,<BR> He's at Camp Lejeune. Thanks for the input. I'm gonna' keep trying. I never thought I could love someone so much, like I do my husband. I haven't LB as much as I use to. I've been doing better. I just hope he know how much I love him and that I never intentionally wanted to hurt him. Thanks again Bill. I have a friend that works outside of Charlotte, at Matthew's Police Dept. Your in my prayers.<P>

If he made SGT in four years he's no Dummy, keep working at and you can wear down his stubbornness.<P>He can't like living in the barracks w/a bunch of PFCs and LnCpls.<P>180s throw then off balance especialy when they expect a certain responce.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>jamie-lee</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>WWWWWOOOOOWWWWW...<P><B>First</B> off, sorry I'm late... getting my kids through a long night of homework... <P><B>Second</B>, I thank you looking toward me for advice... It is a very nice compliment. I would caution you though... I'm still in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and have little practical experience of what happens in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>. There are many others who have been here longer... and you can rely on them as well!<P><B>Third</B>, the issue of whether or not you're pregnant... <B>is</B> important... but don't let it sway your entire decision.<P><B>Fourth</B>, Do rely on Bill for his insight into the military... his knowledge/experience in that area <B>far</B> exceeds mine!<P><B>OK</B>... my take... (and remember <B>I am NOT an expert</B>... but someone who cares for everyone here)...<P>There is absolutely <B>nothing</B> in your post from last night that indicates to me the your love for your H is dwindling! Him staying as an obligation should not be considered as any form of negative... In most of the stories of Dr. Harley's texts... there are the ones where the separated... returns for a whole host of reasons... and <B>all of them</B> will appear dissatisfying to the one wanting reconciliation. I understand <B>you</B> were the wayward, and he the betrayed... it really doesn't matter much. What is of more importance is that as the one desiring the reconciliation/recovery... you need to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<P>Uusually, when I give my "welcome wagon spiel"... I make the recommendation to a <B><I>wayward</I></B> that they need to do <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and to some it seems confusing... but really it is only natural! The one who wants the reconciliation is going to have to do the brunt of the work! That is...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> are not necessarily a betrayer/betrayed set of plans... they is more of a reconcilee/reconciler form of plans!!!<P>The amount of sheer love you expressed on your earlier post says... <B>no way</B> should you go to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>! <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> is when your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A> is soooo depleted you are almost always angry and upset with your spouse! <B>You are not there</B> fare jamie-lee!<P>Of course you should tell you H if your pregnant or not... He will only respect your immediate and forthright honesty... a <B>very</B> key <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Need</A>... see...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3325_hon.html" TARGET=_blank>Honesty and Openness</A>!!!<P>Bill... a very good student of the Harley concepts speaks the truth about <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A>!!! You need to eliminate <B>all</B> forms of it... including...Avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, annoying behavior and dishonesty...<BR>Did you catch the "dishonesty" one?...<BR>More generally... anything that will make your H unhappy (under your control of course... pregnancy not withstanding) can be construed as a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>! Bill is right here... your H makes the definition of what a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A> is... <B>not you</B>!<P>Now...<BR>Something <B>almost all</B> of us <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>-ers miss...<BR>To be in a "pure" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... you've got to squeeze in the ocassional <B>meeting of your spouses <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A></B>! In your case... since contact is limited... the frequency and quality of your efforts here are important! As often as possible... with the tenderness of baby... satisfy those needs! The recommendation Bill made to fill out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4110_emndsq.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs Questionnaire</A> is a good one! Do it! Soon! How about now!<P>As far as the April 2000 deadline is concerned... if you focus too much on this you'll miss the positives you can to now! I too have a deadline (not very specific yet)... but the courts in my state will eventually force a final evaluation of my divorce... Steve asks that I write a request to the adminstering judge to postpone for a year... yep... <B>begging the courts</B>. I'll do it... to save my marriage!<P>Focus on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> now... don't worry about <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> at all! There is nothing you can really to about his companions either. Worrying or building anxiety about them is fruitless... Focus on you!<P>Re-read my post...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011323.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101</A>... and disregard the emphasis on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>! One more thing... in your position of confusion... I would recommend, as Bill did, 2 sessions with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A>... $85 a pop... but well worth it! Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A> and for some specifics the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>My prayers are very much with you and your H and your child.<P>I pray for God's will to be wholehearted accpeted by you and your H regarding the potential pregnancy. <P>Yes... we <B>love</B> you... <BR>I think maybe you needed to hear that too!<BR>We all do!<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 04, 2000).]

NSR<P>Thanks for replying. I really appreciate the support you all have given me thus far. I'm hoping to get a session with Mr. Harley by next month. For the mean time I will make every effort to do plan A as pure as possible. Also I 'll fill out the emotional needs questionare tonight. Thanks again. I have to work Sunday, so I reschedule my doctors appt on Monday at 1030am. I'll let you guys know.... It was really nice to hear the words "WE Love you", I don't get to hear that from my H as I would like, but I love all of you guys here too. I thank GOD I found this website.