WOW! What a day! Today was a great work day, however I am starting to miss the OM bad. I have been thinking about him. This morning I was thinking "okay Ill just cll to see how he is doing" I didnt call him, but it was so hard to keep from it. How do I get over this? I know if I call him I will be back at square one. I want my marriage to work. is this just the void feeling? I am trying to replace the thoughts with a positive thought. It is now time for my H and I to get on track. Where do I start? What is Plan A? Is it on the web? Keep me in your prayers! ((((((((((MB MEMBERS))))))))))))<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{inamess}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You know the drill. And you did good today by not calling. Every time you don't make contact, you'll come one baby step closer to healing, one step closer to easing the suffering.<P>I know it hurts. But your love will return to your husband. It takes time. Lots and lots of time and patience and work.<P>You're right, you and H need to get on track. But it CAN'T happen until you're past all contact and through withdrawal. And, look, it WILL happen. You're strong enough to do this. You're fighting the best fight of your life and you have what it takes to WIN!!! I promise. The decision you've made to work on your marriage is half the battle.<P>I know it's hard. Not a lot different than how I felt when the man of my dreams walked out the door and I couldn't see him. (My H) The big difference. I didn't have a choice whether to see him or not. So I HAD to ride it out.<P>You have the choice. But you HAVE to ride it out too. And everytime you make the RIGHT choice for you and your marriage, you'll become stronger. The next time will become a little easier. Not so you can notice it maybe, but all of a sudden, one day you will. <P>Take care of yourself. Do something nice for you. Do something nice to remind yourself and your H what he means to you, what truth and marriage mean to you. It'll make you feel better. A little. And a little more. Until you find one day that the withdrawal is over and you really do love your H.<P>It'll be ok. Keep working, keep making the right choices and it'll be ok. You can do this.<P>We're here for you.<P>Lori

inamess,<P>Catch that proverbial breath...<P>Is it possible that when you have the urge to call the OM... that you can call... instead...<BR>1. your husband!? <BR>2. a friend who can help you (MB-aware support buddy)? <P><B>Don't call OM! Please!</B> <P>About the "where's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>?" question...<BR>Last night a made a somewhat lengthy reply to <B>jamie-lee</B> to the following post... Click <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011541.html" TARGET=_blank>HERE</A>. Check out her post and <B>my</B>(NSR's) reply(at the bottom) to her. She too is a wayward... trying very hard to get her H back!!! It has a lot of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> <B><I>stuff</I></B> in it! I hope it helps!<P>Prayers for strength...<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 05, 2000).]

inamess, KEEP BUSY! Call your H or a Friend like NSR said! I know how hard it is to NOT pick up that phone and call OM! I am still going through it! Good luck to you!

Inamess,<P>Every time you want to call OM why don't you call your H. He can help you through this and you will be replacing the conversations you had with OM with those with your H. This can be a very good thing . Just call him and say Hi!. I don't know if you still love your H or not, but that will return if you begin to confide and talk with him.<P>If he wonders why you are calling tell him the truth. You need to talk. If he understands about withdrawl, you can tell him more. If he doesn't understand about withdrawl, then get him the information here so he understands. It will hurt him to know that you still think about OM, but it will help him to know you are trying to lose OM as well.<P>Hope this is of some help.<P>JL

Before you dial that phone ask youself...<P>IS THIS THE BEST WAY I CAN HONOR MY MARRIAGE?<P>You are not only betraying your H with additional contact, you are betraying your own integrity.<P>Nothing is worth that.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

inamess, PLEASE don't call OM. You will end up regretting it,I promise you. I had to learn the hard way and I hope someone else can learn from my mistake(s) by posting this message. Take it from me, the OM is doing just fine. If you think he is some place pining away over you, you may be TERRIBLY disappointed. He is probably going on with his life as you should with your H. Not to get super-religious BUT when you were unfaithful, you were in a relationship that God did not approve of. Nothing but heartache could result from it. The healing will come. My prayers are certainly with you. Now, allow the Lord to work with you. You know with Him, NOTHING is impossible.

I am so proud of you. You have made one of the first steps to getting your marriage back on track. I agree with LostVa. It will take a lot of time and patience, but it will come. You keep up the good work, and remember we are here to help you. Keep that chin up.<P>------------------<BR>Lots of love,<BR>Viki<P><BR>

Inamess,<P>Just Learning's suggestion sounded like the one that would work for me the best. I understand how it feels to miss the OM. While I cannot say that I loved the OM (plural ) I CAN say that love or not, it's still tough to separate yourself from that person as well as accept the 180 turn you just did in your decsision to stay married to your H. <P>Whatever you do, do NOT contact the OM. I say this not as an echo of Dr. Harley's words, but in knowing from making that mistake many times myself (and breaking my H's heart all over again each time I did) that there is NO worthwhile reason to call him. I don't care if he lives across the street and the house is on fire! Let the other neighbors do it. <P>Two more thoughts for ya - <P>1) If you do call, uhh, I'll bet your H will figure it out! There will be changes in your behavior, probably towards him. You are trying to gain his trust back. DOing this is pone sure-fire way to never gain his (or your own) trust back.<P>2) You might think the OM will welcome you back with open arms - he may have even said he would. But men move fast. It's like a rule in life. When I began contacting the OM again, I did so only to find out that he was "Kinda seeing someone else now." Lastly, turn those tables - what if a married man had been cheating with you, said the affair was over but then kept calling you every now and again? You'd be like, please! get on with your life, boyfriend!<P>Now, I keep hearing the sound of you saying, "But, you don't understand, I love him, what we had was so special ..." What's more special to you though? Aiming to sustain a relationship with a man who didn't think twice about having an affair with a married woman? Or rebuilding your relationship with the man who you have given six years to and who you have had time to grow to truly love? <P>Sweetie, it's just not worth picking up that phone - you'd be using it as a tool to smash all of your goals nd dreams to peices. YOu owe yourself and your H so much more that that! Good luck, I truly hope you keep finiding the strength you need to make it work everyday.<P>Khyra

Is there a picture you have of you and your H during a special time? A time when you felt full of love for him? I'll bet you do have a picture like that Everytime you feel the urge to contact OM, pull out that picture. Call your H, do anything you can to remind yourself all you are GAINING by being true not only to your H, but to yourself. It will be well worth the effort.

Gosh guys! Your the best! This is day 3 of the no contact. Oh dear! This is the worse thing I have ever done in my life. Guys, dont think the betrayer just had fun with the OP. This is HELL!!!!!! Why did I ever let myself get in this situation? What the H$%# was I thinking? I have allowed myself to almost destroy my marriage. Sorry guys. I am having a slef esteem problem right now. I cant believe i allowed this to happen. I am having a hard time dealing with myslef. I have put my H through hell. <BR>Thank you guys so much for your help and support. I can not thank you enough!<BR>STILL NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!<BR>HAve a great day today guys!!!!<BR>((((((((MB FORUM)))))))))))))<BR>

Great Job,<P>Hey, if the phone is your problem, do one better than The Student suggested. Tape a picture by the phone or if you are in an office setting, put a little post it note with your H's name on the phone.<P>Anything that would act like a barrier.<P>You H probably welcomes your remorse, but what he will really want is a happy stronger marriage. See what you did for what it was...a huge mistake...learn from it...never do it again...and honor your origional vows by rebuilding your marriage. Don't beat yourself up....use your energy for the positive!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Day 4 of NO CONTACT!!!!!!<BR>Wow! I am making it!<BR>I just wanted to update you and let you know. The H is a little distant today since I came home and told him I got a speeding ticket. Im on the road all day and of course always in a hurry. I got it today doing 77 in a 55. I thought I would die. I was wrapped up in the marriage world and didnt even realize. He is just very very distant today. is this normal?<BR>

inamess,<P>I is normal for people to be down. It may have nothing to do with you. Why don't you ask him? Give him a hug and if he responds talk about it.<P>JL

Good Luck on not calling.<BR>You will make it.<BR>I think the fact that you know you want your marriage is such a great thing.<BR>God Bless you<BR>Keep up the good work.<BR>This is Hell will be short lived if you can stay focused on your marriage and not on om.<BR>