WIMP!!!!!<BR>We got a dissolution on thursday. I miss her teibbly- i just couldn't stop seeing her, talking to her, thinking of her. I feel like all i did was talk , no action. Last night we talked ( argued) for 2 hrs. I cried , seemed 'needy', beg, pleaded, cried, whined,. I feel like she is losing all respect for me. How can I be a man and act like this. I neglected my Wife for so long- i put my wants in front of her needs, got married kinda young (24) , HAD A KID soory for shouting. she asked me to leave in May- after graduating from nite school and getting a new job. Beat myself up condideably, found out i was being emotionally abusive toards her, lost the art of communication ( we used to have such nice, long talks about us) things got screwed up, we crossed boundaries, became impatient with her, yelling, judgemental, intimadating...<BR>Ladoes, i feel like such a loser.<BR>She had an affair and feels that all i did was crowd her, wasn't there for her- which is rifght in some cases- and i feel like we both weren't meeting each others needs. Insead of giving her space, i crowded.<BR>hell, i;ve called her everyday since we parted. i am such a mess.<BR>i feel like i have killed any love from her to me, and that i am one big sack of crap.<P>maybe its self- pity, but i fdeel like a nutcase. help me to do what i can...i miss her, our home, our togetherness.<BR>we just grew apart and i took f=her for granted.<BR>now that she is gone, i miss her and hate myself for my past behavior.<BR>i told her i forgive her misatke- the affair- yet she is still amd at me because i wouldnt leave her alone.<P><BR>why do i want to be with someone who dosent trust me or forgive me. why do i do this to myself. why do i talk to her, knowing it only makes things worse.<P>someone take a frying pan to my nugget..i feel so bad about myself right now. <P>i dont feel better than her..i really dont .<P>i fel lost without her- nd feel so guily for not giving Jake the graetest gift- a happy home with mom amnd dad.<P>am i addicted to her- like a bad drug? am i codependant? am i a jerk for wanting. <P>women want a strong sensitive guy, but i losst that ability to be with her.<P>thanks for any input.<P>my email is rrinkes@yahoo.com.<BR>i am moving today so i may not answer right away- but thanks in advance.<P>( god, i hope i made some sense)

Hi Covenant,<P> You make perfect sense....you are just in a bad way right now. What does "dissolution" mean? Have you read Divorcebusting? There is a chapter in their called "the Last Resort"- or better yet call Steve Harley....hang in there, Covenant.....Lu

Hi Cov,<P>Man, you have to get a grip. I was in the very same place that you are now. If you aren't on anti deps call your FMD NOW!<P>I see similarities in our stories. I neglected Val and put all my effort into the business. Hey the biz is doing great. Big F deal. <P>Val was that absolute best to me. She would go out of her way each and every day just to please me. What did I do in return? I turned into an alkie. Treated her badly and wondered why she found someone else.<P>Things have turned around for us and now I am at the crossroads of just calling it quits.<P>Reading your post took me back 9 months ago. Your feelings are normal for the situation that you are currently in. Not much you can do to supress them now. Time does help. It takes the hurt away. Well, maybe not away but lessens it to a tolerable degree.<P>Take care my friend. There are many here going through exactly the same thoughs and feelings that you are.<BR><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Thanks Medic and Lu.<BR>Yah, I read DB , been on the forum for awhile, went to therapy, on meds.<P>somedays are better than others .<P>a dissolution is a divorce without the fighting. it just that when i see her i freak out and get hit by a bunch of these feelings. I try not to look at her, to smell her, etc.- It just brings back pain.<BR>she blames everything on me- the affair was my fault, I shouldn't have found out. I guess we live in seperate realities - i thought a husband should be aware of wifes activites and vice-versa.<P>maybe I am better off without her- i miss her though. thanks again.<BR>maybe today i just feel like kicking myself, tomorrow may feel better.

Covenant:<BR> YOU ARE NOT A WIMP! I know it's hard, but at some point you must forgive yourself fo any mistakes you've made. You worked your butt of to keep that marriage together. If its meant to be, it'll come back. Just try to leave it in God's hand. I know that's not easy, because it seems like we believe if we do this or that, we can fix it. YOU ARE A MAN. A man with a heart. It's only normal to feel all the things you are feeling. Start on loving yourself first. Maybe then your wife will come to her senses and realize tht she left the best man on this earth made for her_YOU!!<BR>You are a good man, don't ever doubt that. Don't worry about where to place the blame. It seems to me that you are still married. That divorce paper is just a tangible item. Marriage is just what your username is--A covenant. You have not broken that covenant, because you are still married at heart. Pleease don't give up now. I know I speak for all when I say,"we love you and are praying for you!!!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>

thanks jaime lee - support is what i need , feel a little better today.<P>i felt married thru all of this crap- and still do. thanks again