Hi all! Back from two weeks on the coast of Maine and the beaches of Cape Cod with the girls. A busy, whirlwind, fun, great vacation. Lots of fun with family and friends. Sadness when I felt that my H should be with us. <P>Had a great overnight visit with my in-laws, who were delighted to see their granddaughters and finally meet the baby. They were grateful to me for coming to visit. I was grateful to them for making me feel so welcome. <P>Nothing has changed in my situation, except that I'm more determined to go on with my life. Divorce feels pretty inevitable at this point, so I'm just in self-preservation mode.<P>I went to a job interview at a division of my company in my home state. H knows I'm pursuing this and thank goodness will not try to prevent me leaving the state. I'm going to try to get a transfer and move back east to be closer to my family. If he really wants his family to work, he'll move too. If not, I'm better off there instead of here. <P>I'm curious about how you all are doing. But I'm going to make an effort not to resume my marriagebuilders addiction, so you may not see me every day. I need to move on with my life. <P>

I understand about the addiction, Animac. You are making some wise choices.<P>I agree, you do need to be around your family for support, and if he follows - it seems like the best way to try again. If he doesn't, at least you are getting the support you need.<P>an update for me:<P>Lovebusted 5 hours into our vacation - about hooters lunches and his lying.... I almost got left in a deserted industrial section of Bismark ND. Set the drive back 2 hours before we went on with the trip. He went to sleep in the back seat of the truck, and I drove all night. I didn't want to be in a motel with him that night. Resumed the vacation and it was great.<P>Vacation was interrupted because his aunt had a stroke after learning her husband had terminal cancer, and there was nothing they could do to help him. <P>We drove straight from California to WI, and missed his aunt dying by hours. 3 days later his uncle died. Very very hard, but sweet too, they had no children - so we were able to bury them at the same time. My husband is on the will, and his name is dog doo doo with his family.<P>Been home only about 6 days out of the last 14. Been running to WI to handle things. My PMS is getting out of control, and found myself snooping - logical explanations to myself about his double lunches on his expense credit cards. Am resolving to not snoop, unless this feeling doesn't go away soon. Hoping I'm just suspicious.<P>Was staying in the Aunt and Uncle's house last Sunday, and out of nowhere the radio turned on in the kitchen and a sermon came on about Luke 12:12,13+. It was about inheritance. Nobody was awake except my husband, nobody turned it on. It turned on "by itself". The message was that the inheritance that was intended for my husband should not be coveted by others, and that my husband shouldn't be greedy - but should build his treasures in heaven not here on earth. It also talked about a family divided because of Jesus. Was pretty cool, I think the Lord is trying to tell us something.<P>That's quite an update, isn't it! <P>God Bless.

Hi Annie<BR>Glad to see you had a good vacation. You are providing some inspiration to me. Divorce also seems inevitable here and I am trying to move on with my life too.<P>I admire your courage to make a home and job move at this time. Unfortunately my family is so spread out, there is no real "refuge" for me to turn to - so I am resolved to stay here where my friends are, at least for now. I feel as you do - If H wants to make his family work he will plan to stay nearby. Instead he is interviewing all over the country and keeps asking if I would move to these bizarre places (I won't name names since I know some of them are home for my friends here - but they are places where I have no friends, family, etc - and one is even OWs home town!). Still clueless....<P>Best of luck to you Annie - stay strong,<BR>Starpony

Glad to here you sounding calm and resolved. I think your decisions are well thought out and the best for you and your children.<P>My update: Can't remember when you left, but my H and dear old friend threw a surprise 40 party for me. Yup, just when you want to build trust and show total honesty, throw the betrayed a surprise party. I am just kidding, as it was very sweet, but I am a little miffed I did not find a paper trail. I keep checking out of habit and just to reassure myself...now I know he can still pull one over on me. Actually I pretty much new because I truly stumbled accross what look like an invite list on the computer. He wasn't very good at that, it had my name on it and I thought it was my own folder in the wrong place. Then my 3 year old told me. But nothing else, hmm.<P>We are doing better at communication. I do not withdraw as much and neither does he. Since we are both pretty quiet, I don't know why we didn't stick with issues before. It is not like we ever had mean fights. Oh, well. He is really trying to make me his priority and be sensitive. It is not easy or natural for him, but maybe I respect the effort as much as I enjoy any progress.<P>I feel I am doing my part in meeting his needs as well, although he readily admits I always have. The one area I could do better is domestic support. It is hard for me to focus and be efficient as a part time worker and mom of three kids. But I am getting more disaplined all the time. My kitchen and bathroom have always been clean and there has always been clean laundry. I just need to get a better system, so everything looks controlled...even when it is not.<P>You asked for an update and I wrote a book.<BR>Anyway, Annie, I am almost ready to move on too. I lurked for months before posting and it saved my sanity. I then wanted to give something back, and posting also help me get residual issues out of my system at a time when H didn't want to continually rehash stuff, but really was ready to rebuild. It's just hard to let go because you get kind of attatched to people here.<P>I wish you the best in all you do.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi, Annie,<P>Just wanted to chime in too...been busy/gone a lot lately (hey! Was that YOU I saw on a Cape Cod beach?? )(we were there!), so have been relegated to the occasional "lurk" around here. Boy, hard to keep up.<P>Anyway - you sound great, really *together* (that is SO "60's"! ), and at-peace. I'm glad the rollercoaster is calming down for you, even tho I wish the results were better. But...you never know what the future holds, huh? I'm glad you had such a nice visit with the in-laws too - that's really nice. They must be so upset with your H, and afraid of losing touch with the grandkids too. I'm sure there was a lot of healing going on with that visit.<P>Anyway - all the very best to you, Annie!! You've been through an awful lot & deserve some peace & joy, and I know you will find them (or they will find *you*!). I hope you do check in now & then to say hi & let us know what is up with you, okay? <P>Suse

Hi Annie,<P>I'm glad you had a good vacation. I know mine did wonders for me.<P>Maybe we should rename this tread to "Divorce seems inevitable"... (except for FHL & suse)<P>Yup, add my name to that nasty list too. I moved out 2 weeks ago today. H told me to get out again right before I went on my vacation. I came back & found a place of my own. He's really ticked because I moved out the day I found out my place was avaliable sooner than expected, and didn't tell him (he was at work). Oh Well! What did he expect me to do when he had been bugging me about not making enough effort to move?? Maybe he wanted an engraved invitation to the event! (sorry for the sarcasim)<P>I know he has told his parents & friends that I wiped out the house.... HAHA! If I had all that would have been there would have been his cloths (no hangers ) and a wash cloth! LOL<P>Any way.... I wish you lots of luck w/ your job search & H. <P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited August 26, 1999).]

Annie, I admire you for going on your vacation with your kids. Sometimes I find myself so paralyzed I can't plan or carry out anything.<P>Breaking up the "inevitable" posts...<P>Update: My H had resumed his affair with the OW. I found out & confronted him. He decided he wants the marriage and moved home. It'll be 2 weeks tomorrow. I've discovered I don't have a lot left to give, but he seems to be doing some of the giving. There is definitely hope we can make this work.