This is only my second time writing on here. I am not married, but have been living with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years.<P>During that time he has slept with 2 prostitutes and had two one nights stands. That I know about anyway.<P>It was about 13 months between one night stands, and now I feel we are back to square one. He says the reason he did it was because he didn't feel 'desired' by me.(Sexually I seemed to have just 'dried-up'). So I stayed - again. And vowed to try and put the past behind me. <P>It seemed to work for a few weeks, and we even had great sex again. He said he felt as though he had his woman back. The last 6 weeks however have been pretty much pure hell with me being more insecure and questioning than I ever have before.<P>We started seeing a psychologist 2 weeks ago, and last night he said to my partner that he must be a very 'tolerant' man, as not many men would have stayed this long!!!! Can you believe that?<P>However, the more I thought that he should be saying I was the tolerant one, the more it stared me in the face, that I'm not tolerant, just plain stupid.<P>But still I don't know if I have what it takes to leave??<P>Is it possible to ever ever get over something like this? My partner and psychologist seems to think that I need unrealistic re-assurance.<P>Why do I feel like I am going crazy???

2 hookers and 2 one-night stands in 2-1/2 years? <P>That's a whole mess o'twos, honey. And you and he are not one of those twos.<P>This guy is using sex as a weapon with you. His way, his frequency, or no way -- he goes to hookers.<P>Is this how you want to spend your life?<P>The issue here is not what to do about him, the issue is what to do about you. You aren't married, you are not in a long-term relationship. 2-1/2 years is not a lot of time to develop the kind of history required to do what many of the betrayeds here do.<P>Maybe your man is a sex addict and you're not. Doesn't make you the crazy one.<P>Both your guy and this so-called psychologist are way off the mark, especially the shrink. Therapists who do couples counseling SHOULD NOT TAKE SIDES.<P>I recommend that you find a therapist (female?) who will help you with your self-esteem issues. Once you feel better about yourself, you'll realize that you deserve better treatment than this.<P>No rationalizations. No "But what if..."s.<P><B>JUST DO IT.</B>

It would seem that each of you have some issues to resolve independantly of your relationship.<P>I don't know enough about either of you to suggest any advice but i would certainly question your boyfriends motivation to become physical outside of your relationship and I would question your motivation to stay with someone....who strays from your relationship before the more common impediments (family, kids, mid careers) create separation ???<P>I'm with D&C, are you secure enough to let this bad fish swim away, be alone for awhile while waiting for "the right" fish?<BR>

Dazed has it nailed. And I tell you what, if you want to rid yourself of insecurities, a relationship with a person like this is NOT gonna help. You think you're insecure NOW???? Wait a while. <P>I'm one of the biggest marriage die-hards I know, but, Honey, no need to start with someone you know from the beginning doesn't respect you like you deserve. Marriage will make it worse, not better, if there are this many problems to start with.<P>Time for you to think and heal yourself. You can do this. Just decide what you need. We know what you're worth - and it's a lot more than this.<P>Lori

I think you need to walk away from this guy. Get some breathing room and start a new life.<P>I suggest you read Dr. Harley's column about people living together before marriage. Maybe it will give you some insight. It can be found at:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5510_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5510_qa.html</A>