In the past I have suggested that you do some reading and reflection to deal with your struggles with Forgiveness. I again suggest you read the following books(Actually read them more than once). <P>Forgive and Forget by Lewis B. Smedes, and<BR>How Good do we Have to Be? by Harold Kushner<P>After you do this come back and tell me and others what you think and if they did you any good.<P>Oh, BTW, I agree with you; your ex probably didn't really forgive you even though he said the words. Hopefully he can some day.

May I add that you may want to search on the Forgiveness Workbook threads that wasstubborn and I had going a few months ago? If you are interested I will pull them up for you.<P>Maybe your H forgave you, whatever his definition, but forgiveness did not absolve you of the consequences in his mind?<P>All the best on your personal journey. I really admire anyone who does the hard work of figuring everything out or at least attempting to.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

TCL,<BR>Thanks for giving me these book suggestions again. I admit, I hadn't gotten them. I've read so many darn books this past year and was just fed up. Most of them pretty much went in circles, or gave some lame to do list so that you could forgive and "find love again" ostensibly with someone new. One book in particular "Venus and Mars Starting Over" really made me ill. The author had been married before, basically says hey, it didn't work out, but NOW I have my REAL soulmate. Blech. I wonder what book he'll be writing if he and his "soulmate" end up divorced. I know "Venus and Mars Starting Over, and Over, and Over." Ha, Ha. <P>I'm hoping your book on forgiveness will help me. The second book sounds interesting too. I will order them today. Thanks!<P>Faith, Hope, Love,<BR>I considered that too. I told him that if he felt that divorcing me was necessary to start over and for us to get a fresh start, then that was ok. That lasted for about a month after the divorce, then he started dating and lying about it. He was also out of town alot on the job I helped him get (i.e. I spent many hours with him honing his resume), having a good 'ol time and being very vague. Nope. He's weak, he lies, and does whatever to make himself look good to outsiders. Reason #1006 why he stayed with me a year. To make it LOOK like he tried. Deep Breath. I need that book!! Please do pull up the posts from the forgiveness workbook. <P>Thanks so much you two. Hope all is going well with you!!<P>

OK...I'll pull them up, hang on...I'll try to pull them in order, but last time I searched had a difficult time finding them all.<P>You know, what you said about your H always having it easy may say it all or close to all. And you may have found ANY problem to be an even bigger problem because he did not have the skills or fortitude to do the hard work on anything.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Thanks, FHL, I'll go print them out now. One time in a fit of anger after the divorce I said "You haven't had to struggle for anything in your life. And now you are incapable of making a lifetime commitment, because it is not convenient or easy for you". He went silent.