Yesterday I finally talked with my H. My son and daughter wanted to talk to him and I allowed them to call him at work. My son asked him, "Ya wanna talk to mom?" He actually told him yes and then my son handed me the phone. I almost fell over because he has avoided talking with me for so long. <P>I told him that we missed him on Christmas. He said he missed us a lot too. He said he wished he would have been able to come home. I asked him whether he took leave (because I knew he had and that he went to Alabama during this time to be with the OW), he said only a couple of days. I did not even mention about him answering the phone at the OW house or the fact that he did not call his children or acknowledge them at Christmas. I felt that he knew all these things and to mention them would cause him to run and hide from his guilt and us.<P>I told him that I would really like to start talking to him again and that I feel that no contact is not helping us. (Because I wrote him a Plan B letter and that has done no good). He said he would really like to start talking again also. I told him there were some hot button topics that we could not discuss and I did not point them out but he knows the big one is the OW. He sounded glad to talk to me and even asked how the baby and I were doing. At the end of the conversation I told him I loved him and he was silent. I told him that he did not have to answer back but that I just wanted him to know how I felt. Then I told him again I loved him and I would talk to him later. He said he would call back that afternoon but of course did not. But I did not get my hopes up.<P>I talked to him this morning, because my daughter called him to let him know she and my other 2 kids and I are sick. I guess it made her feel better to talk to her dad after not talking to him since Oct. He talked to me and said he was sorry he did not call but got off late at work. He said he would call tonight. I told him again, like I always have for the past 14 years, I love you at the end of the conversation and he sounded quiet and said "Ok, talk to you tonight." <P>I really don't know what I should or should not say. Is it wrong to tell him I love him? Is that going to push him away by making him feel guilty? He stopped telling me he loved me when he told me he wanted a divorce at the end of Oct. He said he just could not say that because he felt that he was not in love with me the same way as when we first got married. I know he is still seeing this OW who he has never admitted outright to seeing. I know she tells him she loves him and he tells her the same. He is my husband and I DO LOVE HIM. I can't stop feeling this and thinking it. I just want him to know how much I love him. I wish he could say it back to me but I know as long as he is involved with this OW I don't stand a chance.<P>I don;t want to discuss the affair with him or the lies he has said because I feel that would close the door between us. I want to regain his trust so he feels comfortable to open up to me? Is this the wrong attitude? I love him so much and it sounds riduculous to my friends and family that I should be the one walking on pins and needles. But I keep trying to put myself in his shoes. If I were him I would be too ashamed to talk about those things right now especially if I were still doing them. I would also think my spouse, my kids and my family were out to hang me. <P>I did catch him in several lies. Such as the leave issue, him spending Christmas and New Year's with the OW and him working late last night. Because I know he got off early because we called at 1pm and they said he left to go to his apartment to get a phone installed. I don't know why he feels he has to keep lying. You'd think he would have figured out that everything is out in the open and it is easier to tell the truth.<P>Another issue is our 11th anniversay is next Wednesday. Do I send him something? Because in my heart I want to because I still consider us married. What do you do when your anniversary comes up? Last year we had the most wonderful day and it was beautiful. I just can;t believe this year it has turned out like this!<P>I guess I am being too analytical. But I just want my marriage to suceed and most of all I want the man I married back in my life.<P>Please help. <P>------------------<BR>///I_B///

It is never wrong to tell someone you love them when, of course, you do.<P>My suggestion would be to stick to planb. Don't back down from the consequences you set for him. He will only know that he has you where he wants you and OW too!<P>Please stay strong and loving.<P>My prayers go out to you.<P>Peter<P>------------------<BR>"Love isn't someplace that we fall, it's something that we do"--Clint Black<BR>