I discovered my husband has an appt with an escort who travels state to state. He had an affair 2 yrs ago i did 5.5 yrs ago(emotionally dead)I thought we were good does he have a sexual addiction problem. I don't know if there have been others, he travels sometimes.Somebody help me, do i leave or get big time counseling if he admits.

WELCOME !!!!!!<BR>IMHO- it sounds like a sexual addiction. try <A HREF="http://www.drirene.com" TARGET=_blank>www.drirene.com</A> for that but otherwise- this froum will help you get thru the tought times ahead.<BR>Big time counseling is needed- yes, oh yes for both- but you sound willing and needing it.<BR>I highly suggest to read everything here and post and read nad post and read.<BR>Our friend NSR or Bill will give you the official greeting soon. <P>but stay and read, hold on, and it hurts- but you will get thru it.

Welcome <B>BSJ</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>It does sound like your H may be a sex addict. There is help for that if that is the case. Infidelity is an addiction in and of itself.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Text Provided By NSR<P><BR>Keep coming back,<P><BR>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Welcome BSJ,<P>(thanks Bill... I needed a haircut for court tomorrow!)<P>BSJ...<P>Follow the advice in the "welcome wagon spiel"... it has greatquick links...<P>Other than that... for couseling... (under the MB Principles)...<BR>I would recommend that you have 2 <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A>. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>Do post... read... reply... and ask!<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 06, 2000).]

The first step is always recognizing that there is a problem and I think you have done that. The second step is bringing the issue out into the open and addressing it directly. This is the hard part, but being open and honest is a requirement in a marriage. From there on, the resources you will find here will help you. There are many of us who have been through/are going through the same problems. We find strength in eachother here and I hope you will find your place here with us.<P>My prayers are with you.<P>------------------<BR>"Love isn't someplace that we fall, it's something that we do"--Clint Black<BR>

Thank you for responding, i really need to talk to others who have been in my shoes. I dont' know where things will lead from here on out. His appt. with the "Escort"? is on the 19th and i was planning to see if he actually goes by having him followed, then confront him. I feel i should give an ultamatum and if he denies just walk away. I can't live like that. Today i got something for my anxiety, I really need it. I usually wouldn't take pills but the feelings from the last time came back and i was miserable plus i'm a police ofc. so i need to stay calm. Should i do what i just mentioned?

yes, medication is a definite thumbs up from me.