<BR>I honestly think I'm losing my mind!!! H comes back to town every Thursday night from work. But where does he go??????? To HER!!! I truly think my heart has shattered. I want to go to her place, grab her by the hair and beat the sh*t out of her! Then grab him by the ba**s and drag him home. Or at least call and talk to him... But that would be a LB in his book. <BR>I never thought I could hurt this bad. I would honestly rather die than feel this way, but no, I have 3 kids to think about. If it wasn't for them, I really don't think I would be here.

Mitzi,<P>Sorry to hear you are having a bad Thursday, me too. If you want I'll go with you to beat the s##t out of OW. Maybe it will make us both feel better. But you can drag H by the B@lls however. Think of you kids and keep praying. I even went as far that night I felt so much despair as to write out how I wanted my funeral to go. NO ORGAN MUSIC, please. But I have sense come to my senses thanks to you and everyone here. It isn't easy but I'm trying. Wish so much he could get OW out of his head. Makes me feel so inferior. But I guess this is all part of it and we must find way to cope and get past all this pain and crap. Hang in there, you are a wonderful person and worth too much to let this take you down. I sat and cried tonight and my dog came over to me and laid his head on my lap. I kept telling myself, I WILL get through this. I will be strong. We never know what God has in store for us, but he is always there and listening. <P>I will pray for you and us all. Don't give up. You can get sronger. I'm here for you whenever you need. Vent more if you have to don't let it fester. Depression is an ugly monster that I am presently working on killing off. <P>Your children need you and we need you. Never forget that.

I'm sorry Mitzi. I wish your H would just wake up. Keep staying strong and do Plan A when you talk/see him. I know it's hard, but you can do it! Patience is a virtue.

The sad part is, she's not worth it. She's nothing but a wh**e who isn't just sleeping with my H. And he doesn't believe it. (I'm not the only one who told him.) He's only there on the weekends and she's with other men during the week. I honestly can't imagine my H with someone like that. He always said that if I ever cheated on him, he'd leave. But it's OK for her to do it. <BR>I've actually daydreamed about dying. Sounds morbid, huh? Haven't gone so far as to plan the funeral, but just thought about how everyone would react to it. Convinced me not to do it. <BR>Have you ever noticed that you hear people telling you to "keep your chin up" or "hang in there", but it's so hard to actually comprehend doing it. My favorite is "you'll be OK". How in the he** do they know???? No I'm not OK. I'm miserable and lonely. I give anything for a man (my H) to just be here to hold me. I wouldn't ask for anything else. Just to be held. <BR>Since this woman is a piece of sh*t, it makes me feel totally worthless. I have done nothing except stay home and take care of the kids. I don't run around on him, I don't drink (well not much anyway), I don't do drugs (tried some before but didn't really like them), I stay home. I always wanted to be a mom and wife. Never wanted to work and he didn't want me to either. And he's with someone who is completely different than me. Go figure???

Mitzi,<BR>I know how you feel. Sometimes I wonder if I had confronted the OW when I first found her phone number if things would have been different.<P>You have to be there for the children - Heaven knows you wouldn't want the OW to end up raising them.

She would NEVER raise my children. She couldn't even raise her own, they were taken away from her. How's that for an opposite?? The thought of them together makes me sick. Physically ill!! I try not to hate her. But on days like this, I can't help it.

Mitzi;<P>Go ahead and vent, vent, vent. Like I said earlier, it helps a little to get it out. Just wish I could get to that point. I have been there before, but feel more like a wet noodle. There was another post I read a day or so ago, can't remember who's it was right now, but it talked about how S end up in affairs with OW who are direct opposites to their spouces. Mine is another example of this as well. Don't understand it completely, maybe it is a hidden side to them we didn't know or see before. What ever the reason I read many who said the same. <P>All of this is so hard to understand. I too had a friend who told me, everything will be O Kay and you will be fine. That didn't make me feel much better. She hasn't got in touch with me for over a month now. I had called and really needed to talk but I could tell she didn't want to hear what I had to say. Her husband cheated on her several years ago and I don't think she ever really handled it, even though they are still together anyone can see they don't have much of a marriage. Maybe she was afraid to hear about what I am going through for fear it would bring all of her fears back. Considering, I don't think she ever handled it in the way she should have in the first place and settled just to keep the marriage. Does that make any sense.<BR>Anyway, no, this isn't easy and I am so sorry for the pain you feel right now. It does hurt and sometimes no matter what anyone says it doesn't just go away instantly. <P>Be great if it did. Even though you H doesn't want to hear about how this OW cheats on him, in time he will surely find out. Espcecially if others besides you are telling him this. He can't remain an ostrich forever. And sure in the meantime you want to pull her hair out and gouge out her eyes.<BR>A normal response considering.<P>But please remember this, you are better than OW and always will be. You know that. And nothing H does with her makes you less than who you are. It makes him less. He is not in his right mind. His head is you know where and until he pulls it out you must be strong. <BR>Not easy but it can be done. Keep telling youself that. God is with you, we are with you. You are not alone. Even though it feels that way, you always have friends here who care and love you. ALWAYS.<P>May not be much comfort now and I wish I had a magic wand to wake all these dumbf###s up, but I don't. (((HUGS))) and prayers to you dear friend.

Thanks guys,<BR>I am feeling better. Enough that maybe I can actually sleep peacefully tonight. Tomorrow it'll probably be the same thing over again. Unless something good happens when I see him. <BR>I'll be praying for you all. Thanks for all you've done.<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi,<BR> I do know how hard this is for you.I got the"keep your chin up"routine,too,but it's hard when you feel your whole world is caving in.My W sent me to hell and back(still there some days)when she left me for her trophy-boyfriend.Try not to feel worthless for something your H is doing,and because of the type of woman she is.I have read a lot on affairs.A lot of times,people will have an affair with someone who is the opposite of their spouse.If he's married to a nice girl,he wants a bad girl,and vice-versa.Try not to compare yourself to her,it's not worth it.I'm a passive,soft-spoken person,but I guess my W wanted a tough truckdriver instead.It didn't matter that I never hit her,got drunk,catted around,or couldn,t hold a job,but did good things for her,made good money so she could have nice things,the new car,nice vacations,and took care of the house and yard.Yes,it gets very lonely,and somedays I feel I'm dying for the lack of love,and affection.I just want you to know that you are not alone in this nightmare.All you can do right now is take care of yourself,and your children.Assaulting the OW isn't an option.Given time I'm sure your H will see her for what she really is.No more thoughts about dying,OK? --Murph

Murph,<BR>Assault and battery is just pure fantasy. Thoughts of it make me feel better in a wasy. But I'd never do it. <BR>As for the dying part, I can honestly say I have thought of it, but wouldn't do that to my children. They need me. My desperate moments are never so bad that I'd do anything like that. My kids are what keeps me sane.

Gee, all this talk about funerals right after I had a thought about mine!!<P>No, I'm not <B>that</B> depressed; but, I have thought about some music I want played at my funeral if I die before my H and before he tells me the whole truth. One song I'm leaning strongly toward is "Your Cheatin' Heart". I'm even thinking about going ahead and paying for the funeral in advance and having my best friend make sure my wishes are carried out. She would raise almighty heck if they weren't! <P>I also get angry at Cafe Woman, but I try to remind myself that at least she has been discreet--except for the remarks she made to me right after I initially confronted my H (which clued me in as to who the OW was). And, upon thinking about it, I really should be glad that she showed her anger to me, both for that reason and because it's a sign that my H broke it off with her then. My anger toward her is because she is the one my H developed feelings for. I think that whoever else he boinked were just for the sex, although that hurts, too. Mostly, my anger is still toward my H for all the lies.<p>[This message has been edited by Sweetpea (edited January 07, 2000).]

Mitzi...for some odd reason, betrayers usually go for someone that is opposite of their spouse. I don't understand why. Maybe there is a hidden side to our spouse's?<P>My H went for someone that drinks a lot (bar slut), reminds him more of a man than a women, battered wife, etc. etc. He told me that she didn't have anything over me, yet he went for her. Don't understand it, but all I know was that he was a lousy drunk at the time.<P>The only thing that this scum-bag OW did was "enable" my H's drinking. I think that is the only thing that this OW has for your H too. She enables his drinking.<P>You know and everyone else who knows your situation knows that you are a better person than this OW. Remember that. The grass isn't greener on the other side, and your H will eventually realize this. Remember, his mind is clouded with that alcohol. He can't even think or see anything rationally. Remember, it's the alcohol which is the ROOT of it all.<P>Hugs to you...

I know that it's the alcohol. i think that's why I'm not mad at him. I'm just hurt. No he wasn't the greatest husband, but he was mine. I just feel sorry for him. I don't want him to be like this. I don't want the father of my children to die because of alcohol. How do you explain that to the kids??<BR>Yes, she is an enabler. That's all that she has over me. I was faithful, she's not. I like to think of myself as pretty (not gorgeous), she's hard looking from all of the years of partying, I am raising my kids, her's were taken from her a long time ago. And women like me!! She has very few female friends. (Because she is a wh**e). <BR>I am trying to see him as sick. I wouldn't desert him if he had any other disease and I wont desert him now. Even after all of this, I still love him as much as I did when we got married.

Mitzi...the OW is 6 years younger than me. She's 29 and I am 35. However, my H tell me that I look younger than OW. He says that you can tell that she has had a hard life (with being a bar slut and battered wife...it's no wonder she looks worn out). He said that I am much more attractive than her and that in every possible way....I am better than her. The only thing she did was enable the alcohol, which I forbid in our house.<P>Yes, the alcohol is making your H very sick...not just physically, but mentally too. Alcoholism is a disease. A horrible one.<P>Although my H doesn't drink anymore, or should I say, working at not drinking anymore (he hasn't been sober for 1 year yet), that I still have those fears about his health. He has drank so much in previous years that I'm afraid of the physical damage his liver or other parts of his body that have been affected.<P>Remember that book I told you about? "Co-dependent No More?" Hope you can get a copy. If you can't, then try to find a local Al-Anon meeting sight. They will be able to provide you with the support that you need dealing with your H's alcoholism.<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited January 07, 2000).]