Well H never called I called him about 1:00 in the morning and he finally woke up, we chit chatted for a bit and then we got on the subject of our marriage and things didn’t go so well he has now changed his mind again, back to no never, I tried as hard as I could but I still fell apart. I feel like every thing I have done is in vane. Yes he says he loves me, yes he says he loves the kids and yes he says he wishes we could start over, But he cant. Good grief he makes me nuts. Anyway we go to get off the phone and H says I think we have had another good talk. How could it have been good if he wont even consider trying, I know how I feel about him And I know I will never stop trying to get my family back. But he says you’ll just do it again maybe not in six months but maybe in six years. He says I’d have to prove it to him but how can I if he won’t give me a chance. I am feeling so lost, I feel like I am sinking in quicksand and he wont even hold out his hand to help me. I think I’ll go for a walk try to clear my head.<P>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

I am having big time troubles I cant get out of this feeling, I am afraid if H calls I will LB big time.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

I wish there were an easy answer, but I don't know one. I sincerely wish you the best. My prayers are with you.<BR>Hang in there!<BR>Peter<P>------------------<BR>"Love isn't someplace that we fall, it's something that we do"--Clint Black<BR>

Come on Lesa, hang in there. You helped me thru a couple of rough spots, and I know you can make it thru this. Hold your ground. take some deep breaths. Get it all out before you talk to him again, vent here, scream, yell, cry....anything but LB. <BR>(((((((HUGS)))))))<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi, <BR>Thanks. Today all I seem to do is cry my son gave me his report card today, I cried because his grades have went to pot, teacher says he is having big problems about his dad he misses him so much he is all he will talk about. This afternoon my little girl brings me this orange thing I look closer at it and it is a razor cover (H's she has had it in her room since he left) and says Daddy, ouch. <BR> He says he knows how much I love him...how could he if he could say I'd do it again it was six years ago it was a week long thing. It was very stupid but I can’t change that. He asks me to prove it to him but he won’t let me have the chance. I think his confusion is starting to rub off I know what I want and will have but I don’t know how to get there.<BR>I think no sleep last night and this whole day is just having a bad effect on me.<P>Thanks for being here <P>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

I know how heart breaking it is for the kids. My oldest son is having a hard time. My youngest thinks his daddy is working at the playground since that's where we met him Sunday. They all 3 want him to come home. He doesn't get to see them much since he is out of town during the week and they miss him. Since most of his stuff is here, they get out his shirts and wear them to bed just like I do. It breaks my heart too. <BR>I know what you're going thru. My H won't even discuss coming home yet. He's got his freedom now, no wife, no kids, no bills, nothing. And I can't talk to him about it unless he brings it up because it will be a LB. How am I supposed to get him to come home. The only good thing is: He looks miserable! I think that is a good sign. He almost looks pathetic. When I see him I want to put my arms around him and tell him it will be OK. But yet again another LB unless he initiates it. <BR>Now I've rambled enough about myself.<BR>Give him some time. He sounds confused right now. He's still not sure of the trust issue. Just try to keep being you and that will help him make up his mind. You have been doing great. This is just a little setback. We've all had them and I know they are crushing.<BR>I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>HUGS!!<BR>Mitzi

Thank you mitzi,<BR> I don’t know what I would do with out this site (Yes I do I would call him and beg him to fix this). I just wish I had not moved, then at least the kids could see him, he is going to be here march 14 so I have a count down date, last time in Nov, he came home he let me come pick him up (he kissed me, curled my toes) and he did stay here in my room, and we went to his parents and stayed in the same room there too we were intimate, I just think he gets back up there around all of his single friends (one in general) and he changes so much. I just hope he gets to take a lot of leave this time, 20 days was not enough time to deposit a lot of love units, and make him miss me like crazy when he goes home.<BR>But I will <BR>Lesa <BR><P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

LMS,<P>I don't believe I have ever posted to you before. I hope you don't mind me offering some advice. There is a reason that marriages where there are affairs recover more often when there are children involved and I think you should use this information.<P>Have you told your H about the troubles the children are having? If not I believe that you should. I know many here say they only want their spouse back if they really want to come back and not out of guilt, pity, or something else. LMS if the desire both you and your H have to do what is best for the children can get you back together then I suggest you do this. <P>Your H has never regained trust in you. I don't know why. However, if you two are together or at least living close to each other then there is a chance to deposit those love units. <P>Is his stay in Alaska a longer term thing? Could you simply move back up there to be near him and the kids could see him? It seems to me that some creative thinking needs to take place. <P>But I would most certainly call your H and talk to him about how your children are doing and how is absense is hurting them. Guilt trip? You bet! But it the children need help and you and your H could do with some also.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>JL

Thank you JL he is going to call tomorrow night I'll make the point to him then. Yes his stay is long term he is in the Air Force and is stationed up there for at least two more years, I am trying to let us come back up there after school is out (the best time any how because I'll have to drive and some of the passes in Canada are very dangerous and isolated. He told me last night I was dedicated and I said, no the word that you are overlooking is committed. <BR>Thank you again.<BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

Going to go call H and talk about the kids and how our son (mostly) is really acting out at school. please join me in a prayer that H will let down his guard at least enough to see that the kids need him just as much (if not more) as I do<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

LMS,<P>You have my prayers. Give him the straight word. No need for Love Busters, but honesty is a good thing. The kids do need him and he should be thinking about them as well.<P>Best of luck,LMS<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>JL