I'm really sorry...sometimes it's just like no matter what, we come out loosing.<BR>DO not repress your anger and your emotions, who cares if a stranger passing by might find it a bit odd? Let it out instead of keeping it inside hurting more.<BR>I wish something happened to turn your day into something better.<BR>Please take care<BR>and remember we're thinking of you and praying.<BR>kat<BR>

Jim,<BR>I'm late getting here today but I also want to tell you how sorry I am.<BR>(((((((Jim)))))))

Jim,<BR> I think adultery is so commonplace nowadays(movies,TV,books,the neighbors),it just isn't taken as seriously as it used to be.Used to be if a wife was sleeping around,she was considered an"unfit mother".The courts don't seem to make a big issue out of it either.Probably just another"Here we go again"story to them.Sorry things aren't going well for you right now.Try to take care of yourself. --Murph

I am so sorry. Lots of {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I am so very sorry. I can imagine how devestating this is for you. This is what the judges do not understand....a separation/divorce is bad enough for the family to deal with and yet the immorality of infidelity on the family carries no weight where the kids are concerned although they are dealing with this choice of their parent as well. Thus the childrens' value system has to be very confusing. if the courts and judges in the USA and here in Canada condone this behaviour, then is it really wrong? <P>I pray for you and your children. They are very lucky to have you as a father. I hope they fully understand the all the implications of the act of infidelity on a family when they too are parents one day so that the cycle is not repeated.<P>

Jim,<P>Sorry I didn't/couldn't get back to you faster. Had a problem with my computer. It is currently defraging. I hope thats good. If I understand this correctly there will be no more frags in the house. What the HELL is a frag? Will I be able to sleep better now that I am frag free? Will Val come back because this house is clean?<P>I am on the computer in the kids room. Not so fast, but, lately neither am I.<P>You say you lost in court today. I believe you just didn't get what you wanted or expected. Your children will still physically be with you, right? They will see their Father taking care of them, loving them, and molding them to be really good respectable human beings.<P>Yeah, it bites baloney that most of the other motions were brought up and dismissed. Like a minister friend of mine said, "Hey, Life sucks for everyone!" Sorry, just kidding, he is really not my friend the SOB cheats at cards.<P>Mentally, this may be a set back. You are still the strong and dependable Jim that we all know and love. Tomorrow will shed a different light. There are some things that no one can take away from us.<P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Jim,<P>Keep the faith. I need to collect my thoughts, I'll be back.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jim--<P>Hang in there. You've got primary custody! H and I knowwwww what you're feeling, in so many ways. We take deep breaths every time SS steps out the door to begin visitation with his mom. <P>SS doesn't even know what mom's live-in BF's last name is. The reports upon his return are...unsettling, to say the least. All we can do is thank God we have him here the majority of the time. <P>I'm sending warm thoughts your way. It WILL be okay. The good lessons you're teaching the kids will remain. <P>Laura

Jim,<BR> I'm so sorry. Hopefully things will start to make a turn for the better. You know, kids aren't naive when it comes to what your wife is doing. It's sad that she wpuld want to expose them to another man, especially while you guys are still married. What she probably doesn't realize is that your kids, though they love mommy, will begin to resent her and place blame on her. In a sense, she has chosen the OM over not only you, but the kids. She's only hurting herself in the long run. I just hope she realizes what she has in you, before it's too late. And for her to be so cruel. She can't even act cordial in the courtroom (asking the officer to make you move). That's ridiculous. She has to feel like an @$$. Excuse me Jim, I don't mean any offense to her. I just wish that she could see the MAN I see in you, when I don't even know you. You both are still in my prayers. God Bless You!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>

hello nsr, I am so sorry to read this, and I will still send prayers.<BR>The courts....sorry, but I have little faith in them. Especially when it comes to father's rights or moral responsibility. <BR>I will pray that everyone will be as level headed as you are and will think of the kids FIRST.<BR>(((hugs))) cl

Jim,<BR>Are you going to file for sole custody or shared ? I could see no advantage except for having to get spouse's approval for moving from state if its shared/joint parenting. Otherwise they are still garraunteed(sp) visitation and it woudl cost a boatload of money to fight for sole custody if spouse contests it. Plus you have to bring the kids into it, so I went with the shared parenting.<P>My lawyer told me that the courts don't even want to hear custody battles, they push the shared parenting.<P>Hang in there, things will get better.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

Hey Jim!!<P>Feeling better after one day off MB? (I imagine you'll read this thread tomorrow). Children know better- my D until recently used to write touchy & kind letters & dedicate drawings to "Mommy & Daddy", she later changed it to "Daddy & Mommy"; now most of them are now addressed to "Dear Daddy". W stills lives here but goes out a lot as you know- I'm the one who is usually with her & she knows it & appreciates it.<P>Your children live with you in the family HOME, your W is away & the kids will always remember this, trying to be pragmatic (what other option is there?) it won't matter if they see the OM. Poor woman your W when she faces her children's inquires years from now.<P>Hang in there Jim & do what's best for you & the children even with those limitations "provided" by the law & courts.<P>We all love you, Jim C'mon, Chin up Cheer up! The children need a healthy, strong & smiling father <P>Alex<BR><P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

<B>Lesa</B>... Thank you! I hope your day(s) get better soon too! <P><B>Dazed and Confused</B>... Thank you! Sorry to say there are <I>no rules</I>... Society has killed any sense of morality in the court system. Narsicism rules.<P><B>schizzo</B>... Thank you! I try to follow in His footsteps... hard as they be... <P><B>unforgiven</B>... Thank you! I think we need to pray for the courts too! They're turning into instruments of immorality!<P><B>Susan</B>... Thank you! I'll try and make an appointment with Steve before I see my attorney. I hope he can help.<P><B>Nellie</B>... Thank you! Why are we stuck with such an awful system?... What do you tell the kids about the "judicial system"... best in the world???? <P><B>devastated2</B>... Thank you! I'm sorry for your second go-round... Continued prayers do help me so... I'm praying for you too! <P><B>Sheryl</B>... Thank you! My care is in the hands of the Lord... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Nancy</B>... Thank you! I too feel your pain... to come... and more for me too! Please Lord, get us through this pain. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Rob</B>... When words can't express... this Spirit will comfort... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Sheba</B>... Thank you! Was I asking something <B>for me</B>?... Wasn't my request for the <B>kids</B>? Oh... I'll try and let out(vent) here too. I think you guys think I'm too reserved... Oh h@!!(sp?)... your right... I am! Thanks again. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Janie</B>... Thank you too! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>NoTrust</B>... Thank you! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Pray for the children... that they <I>don't</I> learn the way of the wayward parent.<P><B>Desiree</B>... Thank you! Your thoughts through the day(yesterday) will pick me up today... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Bob</B>... Thank you! I would like to know more about what your minister said... please e-mail me at imherczeg@yahoo.com ... Thank you again [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] as I <B><I>try</I></B> and turn it over to the Lord.<P><B>sidney</B>... Thank you! Being an inspiration here will happen when I stand up for myself again... give me a day or two... (as I go through these well-wishes... maybe sooner [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] )<P><B>K</B>... Thank you! You continue to be my conscience here... take that as a big-time compliment... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] I am blessed with my kids... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Peter</B>... Thank you! A new day will dawn on all of us... time... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Fool No More</B>... Thank you! He hasn't left... just picked me up was carrying me around like a babe yesterday... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Your care... <B>is</B> God's care... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Kat</B>... Thank you!... something did happen yesterday... you <B>all</B> were with me... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Mitzi</B>... Thank you too! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Murph</B>... Thank you! I'll care for me, as I care for you. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>di</B>... Thank you! You don't know what those {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} do for me now... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>willbok99</B>... Thank you! This vicious cycle has to stop... for the kids! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Tim</B>... Thank you! My dependability is coming back... slowly... but coming back just the same. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Bill</B>... Thank you! My brother... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Laura</B>... Thank you! I know I must keep teaching those lessons... by both word and action... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>jamie-lee</B>... Thank you! "I just wish that she could see the MAN I see in you"... if only she'd let me even say a word or two... but alas... hate and anger and vengence has filled her heart for me. There will be happier days... the Lord says so... Thanks for the hugs... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>cl</B>... Thank you! Absolutely <B>kids first</B>... Thanks for the hugs too! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Rob</B>... Thank you! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Full custody is going to be an issue... I have a desire for my kid's to go to a college prepartory school... she want's them to stay in the regular school system... this will be a future battle, and if I can avoid it in the future by getting full custody now... I think that will be best. But, I need to discuss that with my attorney (this Wednesday.) I'm OK with visitations now(frequency)... not the overnight thing... Thanks for your concern... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Alex</B>... Yep... feeling a little bit better. You made me [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Thank you! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>-------------------------------------------<P><B>Everyone</B>... Your support will bring back my spirits...<BR>The Spirit will help me know what to say to the children...<BR>I will be the best father they could have!<P>I could not have gotten through this without all of you..<BR>God bless you for your selflessness in helping me and each other... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

HI Jim,<BR> My SOUL crys for you and your kids. What can I say, you don't deserve this. <BR> I was about to say all I can do is pray. What an understatement!! I WILL PRAY for you. There is no greater gift I can give. <BR> FRANK

Dear Jim,<P>I am so sorry for your hardship. Morality and values do not seem to be of any worth in our court systems today. The laws that protect (?) us seem to be just language drawn up by lawyers instead of what is "right".<P>Your children are very, very lucky. Please continue to keep that in mind when you get down. They have a father willing to fight for what is right for them. They have a father who sticks by them when times are rough. Be proud of your role as father.<BR>I am sorry for your day in court.<P>Meg

Jim,<P>You sound better today...guess it's true that you can't keep a good man down!! <P>Move your focus off this battle - you tried your best. You need to keep your eyes and your energy moving you forward. If the divorce becomes final, you will have to continue to be the stalwart parent that the kids can depend on.<P>Your life is and will continue to be truly blest, Jim. <P>Keep the faith, and here are some hugs for today:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jim}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

It is amazing what a day makes. You sound better. This was just another detour in your life. It really sucked, believe me I know. I always seem to expect the worse and then when it happens I am not so down. But I can see better days ahead for me and the girls. It may not be the way I want it...or like it.....but I can only work on those things that make me and the girls better. so when H does stupid, uncaring, totally assanine things I just need to consider the source. Children are smart enough to see that....to see right through all of this crap and know who really cares...who will never abandon them. Believe me, they know. As these spouses continue to gripe and take us to court over these things the children see who is causing the pain. The children see who is being selfish, remember that they are acting like the children they are leaving behind. We will make it through this because we have toughened up and we are the strong ones. Maybe we didn't want to be...but we had no choice in the matter. My children know that they are lucky. They have at least one parent who will go to the ends of the earth for them. Your children know how that is too. Smile, you are a wonderful man that she will be missing in the end. <BR>Nancy

Jim,<P>I appologise for not getting back sooner, my comp is in bad shape.<P>I was thinking asbout you all day yesterday.<P>I wish iI hag some majic word of encouragement. All I know is what my faith tells me. When all this went down I realised what my ultimate goal is. To be closer to God. What brings us closer to him, tragedy. That is what this whole mess is, a tragedy at every level.<P>What I put in you post about going to court is hard to accept, but it helps.<P>Another thing I know and is hard to do is God wants us to pray for those we resent. Have you ever prayed for the OP? I have I pray he comes to know the Lord and will do what is right in Gods eyes. Believe it or not it takes away some of the pain.<P>Remember God has a plan for you and he <B>never wastes a wound.</B><P>He will give you the peace you desire.<P>Your brother in him,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Jim I hope you are feeling better today. I got surviving an affair to day I have already read it cover to cover, I am going to read it once more and sent it to H. I hope he takes what is written to heart.<BR>you and your family are still in my prayers. <P>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

Hey Jim I hope you are feeling better today. I got surviving an affair to day I have already read it cover to cover, I am going to read it once more and sent it to H. I hope he takes what is written to heart.<BR>you and your family are still in my prayers. <P>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>