Hi Gang,<P>I've been reading the posts here for almost a year now, but it's been a while since I've posted one myself. Here's my problem, and I'd like to get opinions and comments on what to do:<P>Briefly, married 14 years, 3 children aged 6 (twins) and 11, and during the last 6 or 7 years, things have been going downhill. Went to councelors, tried to save the marriage, etc., etc. When it looked like there was no hope for the marriage, I moved into an apartment back in September, and resigned myself to divorce.<P>In the meantime, I met a really special person who I care for very much, and she cares for me. I'm taking it very slow with her, because I've just come out of a relationship, don't want to get hurt again, and I'm not ready for a serious relationship right now. However, I think I've fallen in love with this person, and she's in love with me.<P>Now my problem: My wife wants to get back together, put some serious time into counseling, and see if we can save the marriage. I've got a lot of history with W, plus 3 beautiful children, so I'm going to give the marriage one last try. In doing so, saying goodbye to the OW is going to be hard. Obviously I can't see both at the same time. It's going to break the heart of the OW, and it's going to be rough on me too. So now I'm faced with trying to unlove the OW, and see if I can develop love for the W again.<P>I guess what I'm trying to say, how do you say goodbye to someone you care for very deeply?

You say, "goodbye" and never look back. You are doing the right thing and I don't mean to belittle you or anything, but it has to be that simple. I pray for strength in the dedication to your marriage, strength in dismissal of your wayward activities, peace in your heart and mind, and courage to do what you know is right.<P>Good luck and God bless<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Love isn't someplace that we fall, it's something that we do"--Clint Black<BR>

Tell the OW goodbye, by writing her the "No Contact" letter. Do you have a copy of "Surviving <BR>An Affair?" There is an example of a "No Contact" letter in it.<P>I DO NOT advise doing this in person...only by letter.<P>Good luck to you. You are making the right decision in working on your marriage.

Lost,<P>What exactly went wrong in your marriage? Do you really have hope of saving it? Do you really think you can fall back in love with your wife? You better be 100% sure of this, cuz you're in for some really seriously bad times with withdrawal.<P>When you're going through withdrawal, you won't be too motivated towards loving your wife, let me tell you. And your wife will be frustrated over this. She needs a good education in Plan A!!<P>I'm not saying don't do it, because you have alot at stake here, not the least of which is the well-being of your children. But make absolutely sure this is what you want to do, because you'll NEVER be able to see or contact the OW again. Nothing. No writing, no phone calls... nothing.<P>--andy

Lost,<BR>Your doing the right thing here. I was in the same position that u are in. I care deeply for the OM and he did for me as well. That was not a question at all. But I had to say goodbye! That is all there was to it. I know it is rough. In lamens terms it is "HELL". But boy is it ever worth it! This is day 5 of my no contact with the OM. Read the threads that will give you insight. I will be here for you. Im getting over the OM now and it hurts like hell. But, the main thing is WWJD? If you have any questions feel free to email me. I just told OM on the phone that it was over and I didnt want any contact with him at all. I told him that I told H and he was going to help me deal with the issues. He agreed to it and he wished me the best. I hate it for him. I worry about him. He is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But I have to do what God would want me to do. GOD BLESS YOU!!!<BR>YOUR IN MY PRAYERS!<BR>I have not even thought about looking back since this started. YOU WILL SE SO HAPPY U DONE IT!<BR>