Arik--<P>"Wow." That pretty much sums up all the burgeoning thoughts I have about your situation. Not very eloquent, of course, but the resulting thoughts are so overwhelming I'm almost speechless. <P>I like my impressions of both you and Nicole. I've responded to several of each of your threads. I was aware that separate e-mails were exchanged, but decided not to participate. Just my personal decision. I will say, though, that my H and I are close friends with one particular couple. We've both bent their ears, separately and together, and trust this couple to remain friendly with both of us despite our sometimes confused relationship arguments. They're wonderful help to us. Think of Nicole's e-mails simply as one of those separate bendings of ears. Try to push back the feelings of distrust and feel honored when she shares those e-mails with you. IMHO, that sharing is a first step to communication trust returning to you and less to others. See?<P>As to Nicole's feelings of distrust, I defer to Lori's response. It's simply wonderful.<P>As I've mentioned before, your comments remind me a LOT of things my H has said in the past. Keep negotiating w/Nicole. BOTH your feelings are very important, and deserve each other's utmost attention and respect. <P>Just remember--for a woman, sometimes it's not WHAT is said so much as HOW it's said.<P>You're both trying. You both have my best wishes and warm thoughts. I think you're going to make it, I really do. Hang in there. <P>Laura

<B>Arik, where are you?</B><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

First off, in my defense, I worked the night shift last night and so had to leave before getting to read most of the replies. Secondly I just woke up and already posted to Soulloss' post, so this may not be as eloquent as I would like it to be. I am a stubborn guy, who wants his own way. I like to get what I want, and I have always gotten it WHEN I wanted it. Having said this, you may begin to realize where I am coming from. I am impatient, hurting from my own guilt, hurting from looking at my wifes pain, and hurting from seeing what all of this is doing to my children. I want it all to be over. I also know that it is not Nicole's responsibility to "fix it" all by herself. I will probably always expect more from her than I do myself. Yes I know that this is not fair, nor is it right, it unfortunately, is me right now. With some more time and work, I'm sure I will be able to be more supportive and caring of her feelings. I do understand that it has been my inability to totally let go of Chrissie that has been a major stumbling block in our recovery process. When I am able to do this, I can see things progressing more smoothly. It's not going to be immediate, there are certainly some issues that I need to deal with on the "inside of me" still. This is not to say that I won't ever let go, just that it's going to take a lot more work from me. Please don't think that I'm giving myself more excuse to "waffle", I'm just being honest with myself and to you guys. I'm know that we can have the marriage that we set out to have. The one where we do all the things we sat and talked about for hours together, before we were married. The one where she and I live happily ever after. The one where we look at our grandchildren playing and realize how blessed our life together was. When we are able to look back and say to one another that our time here together was too short, is when I will understand why it was so important to look at my life with Nicole right now. Time, time, time, they say. For a guy as impatient as me, that is a killer. You guys, over the last little while, have heard so many different things coming out of my keyboard, that you must all think that my head rotates 360 degress and my eyes roll back in my head as I begin to levitate over my bed spitting pea soup all over the place (ala Linda Blair in the Exorcist). Well I have to admit that I have often thought there were two of me in here. And so have I....<BR>Finished for this sitting....<P>------------------<BR>" I broke my promise to be faithful...so I make a new promise to be truthful and loving." Take care in the things you do and say. Be sure that they are loving and caring...not hurtful and neglecting. Arik<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited January 08, 2000).]

Hey, could you ask that evil Arik to pack his bags and leave and the Arik we really like to stick around be the H Nicole deserves?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Arik,<P>You are growing and that is coming through your posts.<P>Yes, you are impatient...aren't we all????? We are all suffering here andcal all relate to impatience. That is why we are here - to support eachother throughour impatience.<P>Keep the faith, Arik....your hard work and efforts will be rewarded!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

sorry Arik,<P>I thought only I had the Linda Blair thing happening....<P>is it at least 'Habitant' pea soup or generic?<P>the generic kind stains.....<P>as for the head rotating thing, you probably have a couple of screws loose...<P>LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL<P>GET TO A HARDWARE STORE....QUICK...<P>Dylan

Arik,<BR>You have been on my mind all day. I only have one suggestion to make. Go get you wife, take her by the hand, get on your knees, and give it all over to God. Nothing meant more to me than when my husband prayed for us. Do this everyday!!

i read your post to my husband who is the betrayer, he says "it sounds like you don't think you've done too much wrong. sounds like your are justifying everything as being part of your personality. your wife's working through the hurt is part of the process of healing. you have to accept that." <BR> as a wife, i was horrified when after reading your initial post i read your history and the other posts following. i guess this doesn't sound very supportive, but yes, betrayers choices that hurt and caused destruction-but i wonder if you are continuing to make choices like that.<P> i have NOT been keeping up with your story, i am reading this as a stand alone thing, so i may be way out there. your wife is "putting all her eggs in one basket", are you??<BR> man, it doesn't sound like it. <P>if nothing else, this forum allows betrayers and betrayed to fight with someone else other than THEIR betrayed and betrayer, it gives us perspective. i don't know about you but i don't know anyone in person in this predicament. don't give it up, where else will you find so many people who understand where you've been??<BR>