Arik,<P>I was a betrayer too, so I know where you're coming from. But I just wanted to relate to you what my husband and I have gone through since my confession..<P>I was impatient, as you are to resolve our marriage, get things "back on track" as if nothing (aka affair) ever happened. I wanted to forget about it, because every time it was mentioned by H, I either felt twinges of withdrawal, or anger at it being mentioned. Why couldn't it just be dropped, I thought, because I was there and trying to work things out.<P>Well, after quite awhile it dawned on me (after reading books on infidelity and websites and REALLY listening to my H - #1) that my husband had gone through the wringer with what I had done. They not only have to suffer from the pain of infidelity, but so many lies and deceit. We're going through counseling now, and it's kinda hitting me like a ton of bricks how much he's endured, and it's really painful. I just find your experience with what's happened to be closely related to what I've gone through, and wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone in what you have felt/are feeling.<P>I guess my message is this (if you read it)....<P>Time and patience is so important here if you truly want to heal your marriage. It took awhile to show my husband that I truly loved him and did not ever want to be unfaithful again, and he no longer checks up on me, HONESTLY. He has realized that since we have been so close and I have given him no reason to worry, it's become ingrained that he doesn't need to worry. This comes with time, I cannot stress that enough. Showing Nicole that you are honest with your efforts at rebuilding. Do you have a year of your life that you're willing to spend to show her the level of commitment? Believe me, it's not much that you have to do, I loved every minute of it. I spent quality time with H, we went on dates, made time for one another. He had access to e-mail account and vice versa, we had no secrets, and he didn't have any type of demand at all. He just wanted (and I did too) to have complete honesty with me, no secrets. We worked out a POJA, and it was great. I was willing and happy to do this, because I did love him so much. <P>Just wanted to let you know that I realize where you're at, but patience is the key. You two can have a wonderful marriage, but you need a good dose of patience and realization of just what she's been through. Take care
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