Well, two significant events, yesterday. First, W signed the lease for the apartment. She hasn't told me yet, but the papers are laying in her car and while I was petting one of the cats, she said that the complex management needed pictures of them. Also, she was a sad-sack all evening. Didn't say anything, though.<P>The <B>other</B> significant event: our eleventh anniversary, which she forgot until she saw the card and flowers I had gotten her. I can see where her priorities are. Let's see... remembered to sign the lease, forgot anniversary. I'm really tired of being number thirty-seven on the list of priorities in her life. This one really hurt. About as much as anything else that has happened here.<P>In a way, she's hanging on a bit. We talked on Thursday night and she says she still doesn't want the divorce and even is not so sure we should re-fi the house. Good signs you say? I don't know. I think that a lot of this is guilt-driven. I don't want anything from her when the reason is guilt.<P>Parts of me just keep dying. I don't know how much is left. This is like a cancer slowly eating away at life and there's no cure.<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>I know exactly how you feel about it being like a cancer and slowly eating away at you.<BR>Guess this kind of behavior is all part of their sickness and it causes us such pain and turmoil inside. <P>Sorry, I can't be a boost to you right now. I am being eaten alive by this. I have never been one of my H's priorities either. Not even #2 on the list. I fall somewhere in the double digits.

DeWayne,<P>Forget this crap and go and od something for yourslef today - go to the movie, out to eat lunch with a friend, to the bookstore to buy a book you've been wanting to read (NOT about relationships!), buy a new CD for yourself - SOMETHING!!!!<P>You are in overload - I am there, too. Our Giver is getting completely drained or is really about there. Today is "Be Nice to DeWayne Day"!! Do your best not to think of her or the situation once. Give your brain a big rest just for one day, if you can.<P>Thinking of you today.....<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hello heartpain,<BR>I am so sorry that she is still so lost. <BR>Being 37th on the list does suck. No doubt. They get so caught up in themselves, nothing like the person we used to know. <BR>I have no words of wisdom for you. Maybe work on things within yourself, like acknowledging the choices we have in life. What we do with all that is given to us, how we learn to be a better person by acting with love.<BR>(((hugs))) cl

Thanks, devastated2, RMA and cl. We all react to these kinds of things in our own fashion. I feel just the same as if she were dying. I'm losing her and there's not anything I can do about it. As long as she's here, I am constantly reminded of what's happening. I don't know, just a bad day I suppose....<P>--DeWayne--

Hi D,<P>Tough sledding, eh? I'd vote for what Desiree proposed: have a Be Kind to DeWayne Day. <P>What do you really like doing? Even simple stuff. When was the last time you had some godawfulbig ice cream sundae? How about going swimming? Even if it's cold where you live. Ice cold! <P>Buy yourself some new clothes? Oh, that's what my wife does. Come to think of it... I do it now too!<P>How 'bout this? Ever done your family history? That's a particular pet project of mine. I tend to ebb and flow thru obsessive periods throughout my life. I'm currently on a high. Llllllllots of internet info out there! It can be pretty dang absorbing.<P>Hey, you're an analytical-type guy...ever read Da Vinci's notebooks. Phenomenal.<P>DeWayne, I know this sucks. I don't in any way mean to minimize it. This may be a watershed time of your life. I guess what I'm suggesting is just be good to yourself. Do some fun stuff. Some silly stuff. Some absorbing stuff. Just for you.<P>Do you need to put some distance between you and your wife? Yup. Can you say Plan B? Couldn't help but needle you a bit. Hope you got a laugh.<p>[This message has been edited by DuncanMac (edited January 08, 2000).]

dMac -- Always a day-brightener to hear from you. I need to figure out what would be good to do.<P>Actually, the suggestion about reading daVinci's notebooks <B>is</B> intriguing.<P>I've been into the family history thing for a couple of years now. Was doing both of our trees. I really got into it. Always have the latest version of Family Tree Maker, been to the National Archives branch here in Denver to photocopy census records, Rev. War records, etc., found and bought my own 35mm microfilm reader and a microfiche reader, and have found and tied into a myriad of sites on the internet. I've also discovered 8 or 10 distant cousins thru the research. I kinda put it away last spring when all of this broke out, guess I have to fire it up again.<P>And, yep, you made me laugh!!!<P>Thanks so much,<P>--DeWayne--

{{{{{{{{{{{{DeWayne}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Sorry it's such a bad day. We figured one was coming but the anniversary thing sux!<P>They've got the right idea. Be good to you today. And we're here if you need us.<P>Hang in there, my friend.<P>Lori

DeWayne,<P>What did you do today????<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey DeWayne,<P>You sounded better on your last post, hope your spirits are a little better. I agree with RMA and the others do something for you, forget about your w for a while.<P>How did you get so high on your w's prority list???????<P>Want a laugh?<BR>My stbx got me a Christmas gift consisting of a small Sears wrench. Yesterday he Sears bill came and I opened it, it is in her name, inadvertently. She had charged a $50 sander to the account so I figure the wrench was a freeby throwin so she gave it to me. What a sweet heart!!!<P>Hang in there Dewayne, it can only get better!!!!<P>God Bless!<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

Hey...<P>Maybe he is taking a day off the forum to not have to think about all this - he is taking our advice!!!! <P>Bob,<P>I LOL on that one!!! The priority list and the Christmas gift, too! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!<BR>Well, wanna know what I got for Christmas?? I bought myself a CD player for my jeep and had it installed today. This is one fine jeep - it has a soft top and air-conditioning (gotta have in humid, hot south !) rollbar and speakers and now a fine CD player!<P>I was a good girl this Christmas but Santa told me my chimney was too sooty for him to come down and so I needed to go and buy myself something nice and I did!<P>Still laughing about the wrench -hey, at least she got you something!! <P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi DeWayne,<P>I was devastated when I discovered my H was moving out. Came home from work to find the UHaul truck in the driveway. I had called him from work that day, & told him I loved him. I wondered why he answered the phone out of breath. It was because he was moving furniture!<P>You know, after he left, I was in shock for a day or two. But, it didn't take me long to start bouncing back. I made up my mind that he was gone, & I had no inclination to contact him. I began to think about ME, and what I wanted to do. And, I started to move on with my life. I was making plans. Had the locks on the house rekeyed.<P>Well, it didn't take but a week for him to return to access the situation. He showed up while I was at work, & it must have really shocked him to find that he was locked out. He showed up that night, & I let him in. Told me all kinds of stuff about missing me, thinking about me etc, etc. Wanted to know if I had filed for D. Looked visibly relieved when I said, "No".<P>I'm not sure what my point is here. Except, for me I think it would have been much easier if it had been a clean break. I was starting to heal. But, instead I am being tormented, as he continues his constant vascillation.<P>Oh yeah, my point. I guess it's that if your wife gives you absolutely no signs of being conflicted, then consider yourself fortunate. You will be able to heal much faster. Whereas, I, am in a perpetual hell.<P>Hang in there DeWayne. It's always darkest before dawn, and all that jazz. <BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DeWayne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Prayers to you!!!!!!!!!!<P>Good thoughts to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I am so sorry to hear of the bad things that are going on. I say lets have a 'be kind to DeWayne day' too. <BR>Yes, do something just for you. Find some kind of pet project that will keep your mind occupied. I wish I could offer you more, but I do offer you my support and my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

OK, <B>devastated2, Desiree, dMac, Lori, Bob, Sidney and Nicole</B>, I did take your advice, in a way...I did spend the day doing something for myself...<B>and</B> my W. I came down out of the self-pity clouds, cleared my mind, really listened to what a lot of you have been saying to me over the last couple of weeks. What I did was(drumroll please)... I may have just given my marriage the greatest chance of recovery it has ever had. I don't have time to post about it right now, I will just say that the advice I have gotten from many of you was something I should have paid attention to earlier.<P>Yes, she's still moving out, but <B>I</B> have changed....I will post more detail later today. I just want to thank you all....<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>I can hardly wait to hear!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am still praying!!!!!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

kewl!!!<P>