Just needing to vent right now. Didn't get much sleep. BTW, I didn't sleep on the couch. <P>If anyone reads this, kick back, take your shoes off( if they aren't already) Who knows where I will end this.<P>H was making all kinds of noise getting ready for work so I have been awake since 6:a.m.<BR>In the top drawer of our nightstand is where we keep music tapes, his ear plugs and condoms. He opens the drawer and is making noise buy rattling the condom pakages. When I opened my eyes he stopped. I closed my eyes then he does it again. I thought, I'm not playing any games so I opened my eyes again and he stops and shuts the drawer. <P><BR>I asked him what he was doing, he said looking for his spare pair of eye glasses. I said where do you keep them. He said in the nightstand. Which drawer? He said I thought they where in the top drawer. I said did you find them. He says yes, I asked, where were they. In the second drawer. He already had found the glasses. So why were you in the top drawer? Looking for my glasses. O Kay, This man keeps thinking I am so stupid I guess. <P>After he left and not in a good mood. I looked in the top drawer. With the way these condoms are in there, there is no reason to even disturb them if you are looking for anything esle. And one package is missing.<BR>So what does that tell ya. Right now I am so angry with this so called MAN, I just feel like calling him and saying , I hope she can put you up because I DON'T want you to come home.<P>And if he doesn't intend on doing anything, why pretend it. It is Saturday, and he is off tomorrow so he may stop where ever it is and not come home for a while. This is getting more difficult by the day to keep acting loving and supportive. He is not helping to work on this marriage and of course before he left, he said, You can stay up all night and sleep all day, I HAVE to go to work. <P>Knew it was a matter of time before he brought this up. I didn't say anthing, but boy! Did I want to. Now of course when he does return home I will get the blame, again, for him not having a good day. <P>I don't know exactly what he is up to. Is he trying to drive me crazy? Why is he staying here if he is so miserable. And with the way he was going through the drawer it is as if he wanted me to notice. WHY?! What is he trying to do? It would seem that if a guy is going to cheat, he wouldn't take the protection from home. Wouldn't he go out and buy them so I wouldn't know anything at all?<BR>He can do some pretty stupid things at times.<BR>And if he intends of doing something and continuing with it, why is he staying with me? <P>A lot of questions, I know. I'm confused, disgusted, hurt, tired, and that wonderful nervous feeling in my stomach has returned.<BR>Great way to start the day, Huh.<P>I don't know what I am going to do today. And I dread tonight. <P>Thanks for listening to me. Just had to get this out.

being the big mouth that i am, i think i would've tackled him----i admire your stregnth and wish i had some wonderful words of wisdom. when i was a teenager, i thought i was so cool when i said 'life sucks and then you die', but now i know the truth--"life sucks and then you live".<BR> move the condoms to your underwear drawer.<BR>i am praying for you and also for him, that he won't be able to get it up, (if he tries to).

dev2,<P>I answered your e-mail. How's the head???<P>I have no idea about WHY he has to let you know. This si the same as my H telling me his schedule of plans with the OW for the holidays and tried to tell me about what her bought her for Christmas when he gave me not even a card or telephone call. WHY do they have to rub this crap into our noses???????<P>It must give them some sense of satisfaction - like see, you aren't treating me good so I will just go and see the OW and she will treat me good. Well, I could understand that if you or I weren't treating them good. OK, so maybe we are fooling ourselves - maybe we are mean, rotten, demeaning women who treat our H's like crap and they live one miserable life with us. maybe we jsut don't "see" our true selves. If that is the case, why don't these men divorce us as fast as possible and MOVE ON?????????????? Probably because we aren't mean, rotten demanding women who treat our H's like crap. <P>So, what kind of man needs to hurt a woman he probably loves to feel good about himself???<P>Roll Me Away<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

neen,<P>Thanks for the tackle comment. I had to chuckle. Yes, I would have loved to tackle him and shake the living S##T right out.<P>It took a lot not to lose all control. And, never thought about hidding them in my underwear drawer. Wish I had thought of that before, Damn. He would have no reason to get in there unless he is cross dressing for a new kick. You never know anymore.<P>And I hope your right, that he can't get it up. Can we pray for that? Just a thought.<P>RMA,<P>Thanks for answering my e-mail. I will read it as soon as I finish this. I don't know why they treat us like they do. And why don't they move on if we are really NOT what they want. But I have read that while they are so sick in the head they don't know what they want. In the meantime, we have to take all the crap. Feels like a I have a velcroe suit on and the s##t is flying in my direction and clinging to me all over.

I'm new here so not very reliable since my own future is in the air, but why don't you leave, or throw him out? Maybe he'll realize what he has once it's gone. You know the old saying, if you let it go----.I'm trying to read and learn here.

believe me, I am not too far from doing this.<BR>I did tell him to leave about a month ago and he wouldn't. Keeps saying, he wants this marriage. Gee, he has a weird way of working to keep it. Right now, I feel like a wild animanl in a cage and haven't had anything to eat and the master is dangling a huge piece of meat in front of me. But has no intention of letting me have it. <P>

An update. H called me about an hour or so ago. Said he wanted to see how I was feeling since things where not too good when he left this morning. He said he was concerned about me. I did get into the condom issue and he denied it and insisted that he didn't take it. So where is the missing on? He said there is no one else nor does he want anyone else. At first he accussed me of fishing and then started to get mad and said he wished he hadn't of called. I was seconds away from hanging up on him when said he does want this marriage.<P>O Kay! We talked more about all this and the fact that he has to put forth effort to work on this marriage too. Told him his behavior doesn't show that he wants this marriage. So what else am I to think. He says he is nervous about coming home because he doesn't know what to expect. Excuse me, but how does being cheery, greeting him happily, having his dinner ready when he gets home, giving him rub downs when he aches, letting him have his cave time to relax from the days work and letting him do basically anything he wants until he goes to bed. Oh, and I don't rant and rave to him about tivial matters. I take care of anything concerning the house, bills, etc. In other words, when he comes home he doesn't have to do anything but kick back and relax. And I don't get mad at him or say awful things to him. So WHY get so nervous about coming home?<P>I told him I don't understand this. He said we would talk when he gets home after work.<BR>Don't know how it will go, but if he would only cooperate and work on this we just might make it. He did say that he has been trying to block it all out. But this is not helping to solve our problems and he has been reverting back into his old habits of self absorbtion into the porn. <P>He has to learn to commit or leave. Because I feel as long as he continues to be the way he has been there is no marriage to save. <P>And I still feel he is not being completely honest with me even though he swears he is.<P>

Dev@,<P>"He needs to commit or leave"...I am just about there!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA;<P>I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!