Please read profile, update is that i am planning to follow with a witness to the location this "meeting" is to take place w/H and "Escort" on the specified date. My plan is to confront on the spot and give option for counseling or a divorce. He travels some and when he came home we made love and again this morning. Not the norm. I'm realizing his needs and also trying to save my marriage. The meds given are helping my anxiety, however they are clouding my judgement i think. Is snooping o.k.? It's the only way i get info. <P>------------------<BR><B>BSJ</B>

BSJ-<BR>As far as snooping, I think it's ok to snoop to a point, when you feel something is going on inside your gut then you need to snoop to assure yourself one way or the other weather or not things are as they seem.<BR>As far as threatning divorce, I wouldn't do that threat unless you truly feel you can go through with it. Never make threats you don't feel you can carry out. So I would think long and hard about making that kind of threat. I would confront him if you feel you can handle it calmly and remember that if you see something between the two of them going on when you do confront them that you need to be able to handle that picture in your mind for awhile, it's not good to just walk in, that would be with you for awhile.<BR>I would confront when I know he's alone, this is between the two of you alone, if you involve the "escort" in this confrontation it gives her access to the relationship between your H and yourself and intensifies his possible reaction in regards to her. You don't need to intensify their relationship, only your own.<BR>I would tell him you felt something was going on and wanted to be reassured that there wasn't anything and then have the two of you talk about your suspicions. You need to have these out in the open. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

I am ready to follow through this time, i saw a lawyer to see what i needed to do to get my ducks in a row. I would not allow him to go through with his "meeting". I plan to walk up to him as he approaches and allow him to choose to enter the room or go and talk with me. I don't know the extent of all this, maybe i never will. I will not live a life of mistrust and suspicion. I have to leave if he won't come clean. I'll help him through this if it's an addiction problem if it's just me not meeting his needs i'll go to the moon to do that. I just don't know. I am reading "His need, Her needs" right now. The truth hurts! <P>------------------<BR><B>BSJ</B>

BSJ~<BR>Sure does hurt, hurts alot. I pray that things go the way you want though. Maybe a divorce is in your head but I don't believe you would be posting on marriage builders page if that's what you truly want. <BR>Sometimes this isn't what we think, sometimes it is. I just know that the people here on the board I've talked with say don't "view" the relationship if you ever feel you can get beyond it.<BR>Counselling is desperately needed by both of you in this case, and I would also read "After the Affair" and Dr. Harley's other books as well. All this does point out some other things to think about. A marriage can survive this, I know, I was where your at. Take it one day at a time. Breath deeply so you can think clearly. Assess what is truly in your heart and then do what you think is best. <BR>Prayer never hurt but I'm not going to push faith on you, just let you know that God guided me through a great deal and He was there when I really needed guidance. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Thank you chick's for your kindness. <BR>No, i don't want to lose him, i feel we've come so far-10 yrs. and the best (I thought) so far. But, if he won't get help what choice do i have? Last time i said i would not stay if it happened again, and i meant it. I can't live like this, there has to be something better out there.The secreatry at his office is still there also, they were flirty in a recent e-mail, a low point or should i worry/ She has moved on to another person that works there and is living w/him, SLUT.

BSJ~<BR>I hate those flirty flighty women who feel they can flirt with spouses right in front of you. My H has one who works in the office below his, she wanted to come and work for him when I pulled back on the hours I was devoting to his office to go to school full time. I told him if he EVER hired her I was gone, I couldn't live with that kind of person working next to him day after day. Especially after all the trouble she caused me. <BR>As far as you wanting to stay with him I would be honest and tell him your feelings. I would press for counselling as an ongoing thing because you state that this is the 2nd time he's done this on you. There is a board on the net that you can find out what kind of an affair it is but it sounds as though he's addicted. I would definately seek help from professionals with the idea in mind that you are determined to make this marriage work. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Ok, this weekend was very hard because he doesn't know what i know and i was very emotional. He thinks I'm just worried about us, which i am. I checked his work e-mail which is where i discovered all this in the first place and the meeting has not been canceled, yet. But even if it does get canceled, I need to confront the fact that he contacted an escort for a "meeting" in the first place. I was so good to him this weekend, I don't want to air everything, but we were together every day this weekend. And it was nice and tender, not just wham bam. He said he would read His Needs, Her Needs when i'm done. We talked about how we would change things in our lives together last night, and we agreed on what the other said. I'm so confused. I'm gonna order Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes today. It is supposed to be very good -about sexual addiction. I need to learn about it cause i don't know if this is what our situation is or not. I am rambling i know. I'm so scared.