I, unfortunately, have been posting on here for almost a year now. Things have not gotten better, I guess I have just learned to live with them, which I hate myself for. I am sad today, I spent 3 wonderful weeks with my H on vacation for Christmas with our two children and I honestly saw the man I fell in love with. We played together, laughed together, enjoyed each other's company and generally had a wonderful time. Then I come back to this hell I call home and am right back to where we were before we left. Is there anyone out there who has a spouse who has been in an affair for almost 2 years and is still no closer to choosing what they want. My H is still trying to decide if he wants me or wants her and it has taken him, to date, a year and a half and I don't see an end in sight.<P>He cannot make a decision. I have been to Plan A and Plan B on numerous occasions. He has moved out, and in, and out again on numerous occasions. He is now currently in an apartment by himself and has been for 4 months. I am sadder than I ever believed anyone ever could be.<P>How can someone come into my life and take away everything that was ever precious to me. My H is precious as are my children and I just want my family back. My heart is broken but I feel like I cannot give up on him because I know the man I fell in love with is hidden in his body. Someone help!

I completely understand what you are going thru. Although my H's fling hasn't been going on as long. I don't know how you do it for so long. I'm almost at the end of my rope and he just moved out 2 weeks ago. <BR>This is the most horrible pain ever. Myself, I pray alot and vent here alot. The people here are in pretty much the same position you are. And they are very understanding and non-judgemental. They listen, give advice and most of all they care. I don't know where I would be without them.<BR>I'm really sorry for the reason you are here. Check out the entire site. There is alot of information to digest. <BR>Take care.<BR>

hi loveu, geez, I am really of little help for your situation, but sending lots of positive thoughts your way. <BR>I have never had my h be as confused as yours, but two years?! You have the patience of a saint. Is it possible that you did not stay in either plan long enough? <BR>Have you thought about counseling with harley's?

Hi loveu,<P>I too am trying to bounce back... from yesterday's desaster. Four me... it has been 1 yesr and 4 days since my W met the OM... Not quite as long as you H's affair... bu it is heading that way.<P>Please don't hate yourself...<BR>I don't hate you... you are loved...<BR>The people here on the forum proved it to me yesterday big-time... <P>And they love you too... <P>I understand your sadness...<BR>Most on this forum understand it too!<BR>Are you on any medication (anti-deps)?<P>This <B>is</B> the most painful waiting game any of us could have ever imagined. Console yourself in the fact that you have opportunities to show him you will meet his <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>... in a continued strong <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<P>I am not in that situation... since I am denied almost all contact with her either because she refuses it... and now because of court issues... <P>I'll pray for you today for strength to carry on. It's what we have to do. From what I read... you still have a good amount of love for your H... When your love unit drop too low in your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A> for him... go to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> one final time. Of course contact Steve Harley before you do that.<P>I'm sorry your sad...<BR>I care... <P>Jim

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts. I have done counselling with Steve Harley for a while, but I felt I needed someone I could actually sit and look at while talking and so I have a personal counsellor whom I go to once a week. My H is also in counselling but I don't know anything about his counsellor or counselling sessions. <P>The problem with the Plan B I find, is that when I do Plan B, yes, my H misses me and the kids etc and realises what his life will be like without us, and so he then ends it with OW and comes home promising to not ever leave again, and then as soon as he is home for a few weeks and she is calling and emailing him all the time, he starts missing her, so he leaves. I want him to come home because he loves me and doesn't want to live his life without me, not just because he is missing me. He does love me, I know he does, but he says he also loves her! Am I stupid to hold on? I do love him so much but do I deserve to be treated this way? I don't believe anyone deserves to be treated like this, but I do believe in my marriage and I believe in my H and I believe God will bring us together. I sometimes feel like I am almost as confused as he is. Thanks for your help. I know everyone on here understands and, to tell you the truth, I don't think I could have made it some days without this site. I just want him to see me again as the person he loves. He does say he still loves me as his wife, but how can he when he is hurting me? I know that no one has the answers but I just needed to talk. Thanks.<BR>

Hi I know what your going through. Today I'm feeling kinda down in the dumps too. You can read my profile. If you need someone to talk with. Go to talkcity.com type in infidelity, and I will log on. Sometime it just helps to have someonelse to chat with. I know we're all going through the same stuff, only at different times. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone on this site.

loveu,<BR>I wish I could take all this pain away for all of us. But for you especially because early on I so identified with your situation. I just don't know what advice to give you. You know that what you describe is exactly what my H and I have done numerous times as well. And now once again he has been back since early December and is having contact with OW by email and phone. He knows I do my d*mdest to not put pressure on him, to be there and not "love bust" - but he seems totally incapable of responding with what I need - "honesty and fidelity" - as it was put on another thread.<P>Loveu, I find that once my H and I start moving closer I forget about me. If I have learned anything this time around it is to keep doing the things I enjoy and pursuing my own goals - the way I did when we were separated. It is the only thing that keeps me sane since I cannot rely on him right now. How is college going? Are you still seeing good friends and spending time with them? What can you do to make you strong and feel good?<P>My heart goes out to you...<BR>Starpony

Thanks everyone. I am trying really hard to focus on myself and the kids although I am finding it really hard at the moment. I feel I am in a slump and can't get out. I am scared that I am just accepting this way of life which I hate so much. My H and I have wonderful very tender moments together, but then he still goes back to her. What is wrong here? <P>I have finished my college course and now discover that the OW is now at the college I was going to. Coincidence! I guess, as always, I have to be the one to find another college and arrange my life around her. I am so tired of this but I still love him so much. The kids have a lot of projects on for school just now so I am working with them on that which gives me a lot of satisfaction and great time spent with them. I then have to deal with my son's school performance on the 20th of this month as OW's child is in the same grade as mine, so she will be there - help! I had a lovely time with my H over the weekend and felt really close to him but then I've been there so often and he is still not willing to give her up.<P>I do have my kids in therapy this week. My son has already been once and my daughter is going this week. My son is still very upset in the evenings when he goes to bed but my daughter is much better around my H now and doesn't seem to mind him coming over, but I think my son suffers by spending a lot of time with H and then doesn't understand why he has to leave to go to his apartment each night. I want my life back. When does the pain go away? Surely, once your heart breaks it should stop hurting eventually? Mine just seems to keep on hurting. I'm sorry, I am just very very down right now and struggling with my emotions. Some days I just want to throw in the towel, but then I just have to think about the man I fell in love with and that feeling goes. <P>Sorry for being so depressed and down. I am not usually so down, maybe just tired of all this. Thanks for your kind thoughts.