Hi, guys. <P>No, no earth-shattering news. I've just been thinking and talking with some dear friends and decided that maybe I'd post anyway.<P>Nothing great has happened. No reconciliation in sight. BUT......something Hoping said on my last thread that isn't said here often enough, so, I'll post my little stuff and say it that way.<P>Yesterday d and I went shopping. Came home to find a message from MIL, so I called her back. Guess who answered? That wonderful deep, but very sad voice that I love so much.<P>I gave a silly "Did YOU call me?" in my best bimbo voice (hey nothing wrong w/ a little flirting, right?). He started laughing. We had a short but fun chat, lots of laughing and joking around and he asked his mom if she wanted to talk. "Mom says she'll wait until I'm gone so y'all can talk about me!" "OOOOHH, good, my favorite subject!" Lots more laughing and joking. I said my customary "I love you". He said, "Take care, Hon." And we hung up.<P>Little things. MIL called back. PT had also called JUST b/f I did - she was a witch. Good for Lori - I was a dollbaby and lots of fun. He talked about me a little, just in generalities. He "stole" the cookies I had sent to his brother's kids - all of 'em! He was in a good mood.<P>Nothing big. But.....I realized that at this stage a lot of us don't post. Baby steps. My h may not be coming home, but he's getting better. "The fog is lifting.." (Thanks, Hoping!)<P>1. He's visited his parents twice this week. He was going WEEKS w/out even calling.<P>2. My "I love you's" have gotten two "Take care's". For more than 6 months I've consistantly told him with every visit, every conversation. They WERE met with silence or "I wish you didn't" or running hard. He doesn't say it back, but they don't make him so uncomfortable either.<P>3. We laugh and joke around. IF we talked at all, it was sad, not the subject matter, just us - mostly him I might add.<P>4. He's messing around a bit. Like the football stance and picking me up Christmas, trying to knock my knees from under me from behind on NY. Little things that he hasn't done in almost a year. He has a little fun with me.<P>5. He stops by home during the morning to pick up the mail so that PT won't destroy my letters and cards. Before he didn't care or didn't have the strength to buck her.<P>I'm not jumping up and down. I'm not setting myself up for a major disappointment, but the baby steps are there. He's getting better. He's starting to think and be himself from time to time and each time it lasts longer and longer.<P>I don't really post these little things b/c they don't MEAN a whole lot and they don't get me terribly excited. But they make me smile. Because I want him to get better. I don't post them b/c they're not "biggies". But they ARE part of the process. The long tedious, will it ever be over with process! HE has to get better b/f we even find OUT if there's a chance for us. And it's happening. Very slowly, but it's happening. More each week.<P>So I just posted this junk. My little incentives to continue Plan A (besides the fact that I'm nuts about the guy!) even though I'm not getting much feedback on us. <P>That's it. No big deal. I had just noticed that, like me, a lot of us post when it's horrible, or when it's great. And much of the time, WAY too much of the time, it's just baby steps. And that can be the frustrating part. I didn't want to "waste" the space w/ nothing. But there's a LOT of "nothing" b/n discovery and reconciliation sometimes. And maybe we don't say that enough! So, guys, here's my nothing!!!!<P>Talk to you later.<P>Lori

(((((((LORI))))))))<P>it's the little things that find their way into our hearts...it's the little things that matter the most....<P>To me, it sounds almost as if he IS testing the waters...especially if PT is being a witch....<P>He knows what he has in you...the new nad improved you...and I'll bet you a million gazillion dollars that MIl is helping build you up.....LOL<P>I think the flirting is the best part...he is open and receptive to you.....Yeah!!!<P>It is the best progress so far...even as baby steps...remember, without the baby steps first, most toddlers would be falling flat on their faces....now, we've seen enough falling down in your life...have we not!! grab that bannister, girlfriend, and hold on tight while putting your best foot forward...LOL<P>I'm so happy for you....I know, I know, no expectations.....but still, it must warm your heart.....and THAT is the best feeling in the world.....<P>have a great day......<P>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>so maybe you wanted a martyr....just a regular gal would'nt do..but baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...Jim Croce

p.s.:<P>you are right...sometimes sharing the small things is just as important if not more important than the earth-shattering stuff...now, because of your post, I am going to write Deut a little love note and stick it in the coffee for when he wakes up, and I may just spend the day flirting with him now too!!<P>thanks for changing my day.....for the better....see how you can affect people and change lives???<P>thanks Lori.<P>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>so maybe you wanted a martyr....just a regular gal would'nt do..but baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...Jim Croce

Lori,<P>Thanks for posting this thread. I plan to do a similar one sometime today.<P>I think the baby steps are where we see how effective our plan-a is going, and it is a way to make OP jealous. When that happens they will say bad things about us and our WS have to defend us...and thus begins the erosion of the affair. At least that is what I have been told, and I believe it.<P>I see alot of promise for you. I tend to read way between the lines, it is a gyessing game but I know R and her body lannguage, and her eyes reveal alot. So it's not so much what she says but her attitudes, and that 'vibe' I pick up. After all 6 months ago I was the sexiest man alive...lol That can't just completely go away when I really haven't done anything abusive.<P>Besides LRB isn't very easy to look at...lol<BR>R is a very visual person, the emotions will wear off, and thats when I'll make my move.<P>Keep up w/no LBing, thats the main focus of plan-a.<P>I'll strike a deal w/you. You keep posting your babysteps and I'll post mine.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Thanks, Dylan. I think we all forget that sometimes - I know I did. The little or NO activity part. Make that a REALLY sweet note!!! And flirting never hurts!<P>Hey Bill. Baby steps it is. As long as we stay grounded, they can give us a bit of strength, know what I mean? I had forgotten that. I'll be looking out for yours.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>I just smiled when I saw your topic. I didn't even need to read it.<P>These are baby steps, and they ARE worth posting. He is getting better.<P>Things are all going to work out for you.<P>Love ya,<P>Cheryl

Hey, sis! You talked me into it!!! <P>I hadn't even thought about it, but then, after we talked I realized that that's what it's all about - time, little stuff and maybe we all needed reminding!!!<P>Luv ya!<P>Lori

Lori -- Thanks for a wonderful lesson for all of us. We(I) tend to see only the endgame when we look at where we are at. We don't notice the little hopeful signs along the way because we are so focused on bring our turmoil to an end.<P>You are so right. The "baby steps" can be a true indicator of progress even if we don't see the resolution. We just have to step back and really look and often we can find those signs of hope.<P>You know how I feel. I agree with ceecee that he <B>is</B> getting better and your efforts are a <B>big</B> part of that. Your strength amazes me.<P>Luv ya and <B>big</B> hugs...<P>--DeWayne--

Lostva,<P><B> Thank You!</B><P>I am where you are at, witnessing baby steps but nothing too significant. I am enjoying my time with H and he is starting to respond to my positive attitude.<P>Reading the other posts, I was unable to find much for this stage and was begining to question my presence, until now. <P>Keep us updated no matter how insignificant the steps appear. When I have more time I might post my <I>nothings </I> too.<BR> <P>------------------<BR><I> Life can only be understood backwards;<BR>but it must be lived forwards.</I><BR> <B>-Soren Kiekegaad</B>

Lori,<P>Thanks so much for all your wisdom and insight. Your 'nothings' really are something. By posting them you have helped us gain perspective. Baby steps forward are at least not backwards steps or even standing still. <BR>No, he isn't home but it really looks like he is on his way.<BR>God Bless BOTH of you(and D too) on this journey. <P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited January 09, 2000).]

Lori<BR>Keep counting those little things and DON'T forget them. They add up.<BR>Keep being you (how could he resist that).<BR>Gotta get ready for Bimboville. just wanted to say Hi and Keep it up!

Lori,<P>Yes, we all need these reminders of the little things. I posted mine on Tuesday or Wednesday, but then after H "disappeared" again, I continue to get discourgaed. Is this the one step forward, one step backwards thing???<P>I especially like the way you describe the "real" H coming out for periods of time and then going back in. I can really relate to that description! It is about 100% accurate.<P>What I am having touble with is this: how do you know if you should ascribe importance to these small things or not???<P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I'm so happy that you shared the progression of your baby steps. It shows how things don't just change to a 180 instantaneously. There is that baby step process that we have to be patient with. It shows a realistic view of the recovery process.<P>Thanks you again for sharing your story.

Desiree mentioned the one step forwards, one step backwards thing. I have come to dread anything that looks like a baby step forward, because over and over it is followed by a dozen giant leaps backwards. For example, for a couple of weeks he was civil to me, and even said goodbye twice when he left - then he announced that he had changed his address with the post office, and then sent me a couple of really nasty emails. Lostva, I believe you said that at one point recently after PT was going to throw him ou, your H was changing his address on bills, because PT gave him an ultimatum. What happened with that? I suspect my H's OW has given him plenty of ultimatums, all of which he goes along with.

That's wonderful, Lori. It's great to hear some positives. Good job!!

I say it's 10 steps forward, eight steps back... over and over and over... yup, those baby steps are so much easier to take!!!<P>I loved this post! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Hi, guys, only have a couple of minutes.<P>Heartpain - we're learning together, huh???!!! Thanks a lot my friend.<P>Dove's Cry - I feel the same way sometimes, that I shouldn't post 'cause not much is happening. But a lot of the time, not much DOES happen and I think that's where we get discouraged. Glad things are looking good for you too!<P>Nicole - thanks for the thoughts. I do know that HE'S getting better. Now all my work will start to sink in - hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed!!<P>Wassi - thanks for stopping by - and good luck!!! I've been thinking about you all day!! You'll be great, I just know it!<P>Desiree - they're important to me simply b/c it shows he's a little more himself. May not mean anything for US, but I'm more concerned about him and me individually right now - does that make sense? Yeah, one forward, 1 back, 2 forward 1 back, 1 forward , 2 back - AAUUUGGGHHH, but he's starting to FINALLY gain ground. And that makes me happy!<P>Hi, Nellie - I know you've been given a really rough time. Yup, he agreed to her ultimatums. Then decided "no". Don't know why. Haven't a clue. Don't really care. But maybe he's just getting stronger and thinking for himself. I just keep doing my thing and letting him see all this blasted "personal growth" (not to hard, it seems to shine these days!). I hope for good luck for you, too, soon.<P>Thanks, Sidney. I really do appreciate it.<P>Sheryl - how're YOU doing tonight?? I'm thinking about you, ok? Thanks for stopping in - you be a good girl, ok?<P>Thanks everyone,<P>Lori