God I'm so tired of feeling this way. I'm so tired of being depressed. So tired of feeling the way I do about the OW. So tired of the constant anxienty and tension at home. So tired of being afraid that my son will find out that we're on the verge of divorce. So tired of being on the verge of tears all the time. Just so tired of everything!! I just wanna pack up and move back east and live in a cabin far from everyone and everything and get snowed in so that everything outside is just white.<P>--airheart

Hi airheart...<P>Seems like I've said that a lot too...even lately sometimes. Tired. Yep, wanted to let you know you aren't alone <P>-janet

I know the feeling, airheart. Been there, done that ... for quite a few months.<P>Have you gone to your dr., told him the story and asked for anti-deps? I've been on them since Jan. and they really do help when you're feeling like this.<P>It does end, I promise. I'm proof. It takes time though ... and I'm not very patient. But looking back now I've seen how God has worked in the whole situation. This time last year I hated my H and was gonna go marry the OM and live "happily ever after". Praise be to God for bringing me out of that stupor.<P>Just hang in there. Get medication if you can. You don't have to be on it forever, just a few months will help alot!<BR>

No you are not alone.... hope you find strength, keep fighting the good fight.

I too have imagined packing up and living in the woods until I'm happy again. Things just don't excite me the way they used to.<P>I've been a self-help book junkie lately...maybe you could start focusing on making yourself happy which might it easier to deal with everything else that is going on.<P>Hang in there...

airheart,<P>I can't pretend to know what withdrawal feels like. I just want you to know that I think you're doing well. It sounds like you're going through hell, all in the name of saving your family, so I commend you. Am I wrong when I assume that you still love you wife? But, it's your feelings for the OW that are overriding it? Hopefully, in time, those two loves will at least balance themselves out. Even more so, that you learn to love your wife solely, again. <P>As you have gathered from here, it's going to take a while for this pain to subside. Just be sure to come here and post like you did, instead of contacting the OW. Unless you're 100% ready to end your marriage, it will only start this process all over again. <P>I agree with Maya, you might want to speak to your physician. He can prescribe something short term, if you're not comfortable with relying on meds. It really can help airheart. You need to do something or you're going to go crazy. <P>Have you and your wife attended counseling together yet? Or is it too soon still? Maybe discussing these things, whether alone or with your wife, with a professional will help put things into perspective. I feel for you, I really do. As I said, I can't imagine what it feels like, but you have friends here who will listen to you, no matter what your circumstances. So, keep up the good work, one day the rewards will be more than obvious and well worth it. Good luck to you. <P>p.s. Maybe you should sit down and write a list of your wife's good qualities. I know it will be hard to find them right now, but it could help with your motivation to keep from contacting the OW. The more you can concentrate on these things, maybe the easier it will be to be there instead of with OW. Not that this would ever diminish your love for the OW, but since you can't change that right now, maybe you can try to focus on some good things about your wife, and the positives of keeping stability in your son's life. Just a thought. Not sure how realistic it is during withdrawal. Take care.<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

Me too, airheart. Only I picture a cave. I picture taking my family and living off the land (hahaha... now where's that blow dryer?). It's only a dream, but it gets me through the night. It's escape, pure and simple.<P>I agree with Maya, get to the doc, if you haven't before, and take some meds to take the edge off until you can face the world med-less. I did it myself. I took Xanax for anxiety. I was on overdrive. I was depressed, but the pressing prob seemed to be the anxiety.<P>Hang in there... it's gotta get better!!

airheart,<P>I feel your pain. During the affair, it seemed I was on a rollercoaster- sometimes up and sometimes down. But AFTER, there were so many more downs than ups it seemed like nothing would ever feel good again. Give it lots of time and listen to all the people who have fought this fight before you. You are doing everything right...<BR>-you recognized the affair was wrong<BR>-you are coming here for support in rebuilding at home.<P>Even on the days when you think its too hard, you are still coming here- and that's a sure sign of what you really want. I admire you for your strength. <P>

Airheart,<BR>I have been following your posts and really do think you are turning the corner and ready to head up out of this hole! The decision to stay has been made, but that does not make everything easy. Keep doing the right thing, sounds like your son is the motivating factor. Spend lots of time with him and keep motivated. Explaining what your wife is going through and why all the questions is tough. Maybe explain to her that you will willingly answer all of her questions, but it does make you think of ow (at least this is my h response) for the rest of the day. Since I figured this out I really try to limit how often I ask these "pressing" questions.<P>IT WILL GET BETTER!!! Hang in there, get on the meds to take the edge off, I know you are a sceptic but find God, or yell at yourself in the mirror that you and your marriage are going to make it. Don't expect miracles until you are through withdrawal. Keep posting!

About meds, I have good days and bad days. Today is a really bad day and things are getting to me. My councellor doesn't think I really need them. Next time I see her, I'll ask about 'em again.<P>Maya -- when you said you felt this way for months, I tried to figure out how long it's been for me... I've haven't been happy about life since probably around February. That's when I first figured out that I was in love with the OW. It made me terribly unhappy because I knew how impossible it would be to have a relationship with her. My wife found out in May, and it just got worse from there.<P>Distrusting -- yeah I'm still in withdrawal, but it's not as acute as it was a few weeks ago. Anyway, I know that even if I get divorced, I won't be able to be with her. I'm just overwhelmed by not being happy for so long. I used to be a fun person. I used to laugh alot. People used to like being around me. I was a "gabber". Gregarious and friendly. Now I mope all the time. I walk with my head down. I'm a shadow of my old self. My wife and I are in councelling. I have my own councellor and my wife and I are seeing a couples councellor (although that one has seen my wife alone a number of times as well, so it's really my wife's councellor, and I show up from time to time...).<P>Holly -- I don't know... I've never been one for self-help books. But I'll have to do something I guess.<P>Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement. I actually feel a little better now. I'm hanging in there, really I am... Just having a bad day (er... week). <P>--airheart<BR>ps: I forgot to mention that in my fantasy get away, while I'm living in the snowed in cabin, I make my living drawing cartoons and become fabulously wealthy!

Airheart,<P>You may be tired because you need more rest. An emotional withdrawal like you've been experiencing does require lots and lots of sleep. <P>A schedule will also help.<P>You must not contact the ow, because it will only feel good for a short short time - and will have you feeling worse than you do after you do contact her. You must not make any contact unless you really do like misery.<P>Sometimes I think in withdrawal and guilt, the spouse makes contact to keep themselves feeling like sh**. It's like they are trying to beat themselves up.<P>Take the anti-deps meds if you can. At least St John's Wart. Stay out of the sun, and plan your activities to a tee right now. You need to take care of yourself, fighting this addiction is going to take more planning than just hoping you won't make contact.<P>Get serious. You can do this.

Airheart--<BR>I know it was a long time ago...but how did you get over the first OM?

Holly -- (you meant OW not OM right? )<P>The first affair was a lot more messy than this one. That first OW was a bit nuts. She used to call me all the time and hang up. Even now, 10 years later, we get calls at home around the same time of day at least 2 or 3 times a week and there's nobody there. I doubt it's her because it wasn't ongoing for the entire 10 years (just started within the last year or so), but I just never know.<P>Knowing about that crazy behavior helped me to get over her. I also knew deep down that I wouldn't be happy with her if we ended up together. It still took a while (always seems to for me).<P>trustntruth -- There's no way now that I can contact the OW. The thought of that hurts too much because I know I'll never get the kinds of responses that I want from her. So that part is now past. But you are right on the money about not getting enough sleep! I've been sleeping on the couch the past few nights, which ain't comfortable, and I've been having trouble sleeping lately anyway. <heavy sigh><P>--airheart<BR>

AH... I know your pain... I'm the betrayed and am so desparate... unsure how to find the strength for each day. I work at home alone so I have very little human interaction while W is working with the OM and is "leaving me" whenever... that's open ended now.<P>I'm having an awful day, it's all just too much sometimes.<P>

I'm so sorry airheart and TexasMan. Some days really are not good, eh? Some exercise might do some good. I'm going out to clear some brush in the woods.