<BR>I don't even know what to say here. He exploded. I exploded. It got really ugly. <BR>I don't know what to do right now. He said he hates me, that I'm stupid, that if he didn't ever have to see me again, that would be fine with him, I need to get over it,....and the list goes on and on......<BR>I'm just at a loss for words. And all of this over me asking what time he wanted to meet me at his mom's. I'm just numb right now, thinking the cruel man I saw this evening is the same man I married. I don't know if I can Plan A anymore. This is just emotionally draining for me. I'm not happy at all and I'm really having a hard time even thinking about anything else.<BR>I'm doing a ****ty job at being a housekeeper and a mother. I feel like I'm letting my kids down. My oldest son thinks that I don't want him anymore. I'm seriously thinking about seeing a psychiatrist, I think I'm seriously losing my mind.

Mitzi<BR>You need to get to a DR. Anti-depressants saved my life. As far as the love buster goes. You know that I am a newbie here. I cant give much advice, just stick with Plan A. it would do a world of good to get on antis though. You would get all of your energy and sanity back. <BR>As far as your son goes. Let him be #1 right now. I know it is horrible. Just take care of the kids!! Im here to listen!<BR>Your in my prayers!<BR>Renee

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Mitzi</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>It happens to us all...<BR>You fell down... but your not out!<P>Yes do get help... therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, who ever! <P>Are you on anti-deps?<P>No matter what... you're loved here...<BR>You can stand back on your feet...<BR>Take those breaths...<BR>Go back to H... humbly apologize... (expect nothing from him)... If he hurts... just walk away... leave that hurt on the spot you walked away from!<P>I love you... for just being you...<BR>We all do... don't forget it! <P>Jim

The sad part is the first explosion was on the phone, then when I saw him at MIL's I did apologize. In return I got "F U, whatever!" And we were trying to discuss how he could spend more time with the boys, and it was like he was trying to get me to fight with him. (Like he's never done that before) And I fell right into it. We ended up yelling at each other in MIL's basement (at least the boys weren't around.) We both said some pretty cruel things to each other, solving nothing. I stopped, told him I didn't want to talk to him until we had both cooled off, and walked away. So he followed me. I went upstairs where there were other people around and only then did he stop. <BR>He's not even willing to talk without fighting. Is this a waste of my time?? He's just so unreasonable. I do love him, but is it worth losing myself? <BR>Thanks guys for answering when you did. My mom and dad are trying to pressure me into filing for divorce. They act like they need to take care of me. I'm not ready. Even if my marriage is over, it's just too raw right now. How do I tell them this? They are of course pi**ed at H right now. They think I should be as mad as they are. And they really don't understand that I'm not. My mom threw a fit when I told her that I would probably let him come home if he wanted to. I don't want them mad at me but I am an adult, aren't I??

((((((((Mitzi))))))))))))<BR>the Anti-depressants are a life savior I have been on mine for a while they even uped my dose, It seems we can never be in a better mood at the same time huh? I am so sorry hun they really know the words to slice right to the bone, H and I had alot of those before I left Alaksa. just put all the kids in your bed and cuddle it will make you feel better (even if you get the aawww mom do we have to )hlod on hun you can do it you are strong.<BR>have another hug ((((((((((( )))))))))))))<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited January 09, 2000).]

I honestly thought I could do this without meds but I'm gonna have to call the DR tomorrow. Things haven't been this bad between me and him, and I've come to the conclusion I do need something to help. <BR>I feel like I'm wallowing in self-pity. I feel like my H has died. If you think about it, the man I married has died and been replaced by someone completely foreign to me.<BR>Shouldn't I be angry?? I'm not and that's what has me worried. I can't stay angry at him. I only get really sad and start with the "why me's?" I can't see this getting easier. I want to be happy again. I was always a fun-loving person. Not really outgoing, but, well my family has a sick sense of humor, if ya know what I mean. I can't remember the last time I actually laughed at something.

That sounds like me again, I cant stay mad at H for more that an hour or so, I wished you felt betterI know a friend sent this to me when I was feeling WAY down I'll put my E-mail on here you E-mail me and I'll send it to you <BR>Lesa <P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P>LMS20ish@cs.com<P>

Mitzi, just from a concerned person who has suffered from depression: Definitely see a doctor. Situations like this can screw up our body and brain chemistry horribly. The anger and hopelessness need a kick to get them to leave, and that kick is often anti-depressants. Think of them as if you are taking an antibiotic: you have an infection ... instead of it being bacteria, it is negative emotions. The infection MIGHT get better on its own, but it'll take a while - and then again, it might NOT get better on its own, but get worse instead. Taking the anti-d's is like taking an antibiotic to kill the bacteria which cause infection. Anti-d's simply balance your brain chemistry so you can feel good again - they are not happy pills - you will feel all emotions, but they will keep you from being drowned in all the bad emotions.<P>I'll bet you'd find that over half of the people who post here are either currently on anti-d's or have been in the past. I am on Zoloft right now, myself. Been on it for a little over a year - and it has been a life-saver for me. I would still be a lump of misery huddled alone in my apartment if it hadn't been for the meds... It's like someone turned on the sun for me in an eternal night - that's how much better I feel.<P>You don't have to stay on them forever, y'know...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

I know I need meds. I don't go anywhere unless I absolutely have to. I talk to alot of people on the phone, but I don't go anywhere. I used to visit my parents almost everyday, but now I hardly go there at all and they only live 3 houses away. I do feel like a hermit in my house. I feel like if I go anywhere, I'll see the OW and either cry or yell at her. I don't want to see her, or see THEM together. I think I would die if I did. (We live in a small town). <BR>If hecould only understand what he is doing to me and the kids. I'm thinking of going straight to Plan B. He's just hurting me too much. What do you all think??

sorry mitzi my computer went stupid for a while If you got my E-mail and the answer is yes I will sent it tomorrow as soon as I get up. Raymond(my little boy)is sick and needs me to come lay with him for a while so I am going to go I'd send it now but it takes a while for my computer to upload the file.<BR>until morning all<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P>LMS20ish@cs.com<P>

Mitzi, my opinion (for what it's worth): don't make any decisions until you start on anti-d's and have begun to feel better - that can take a few weeks. Avoid your husband as much as you can in the meantime, be civil to him when you have to deal with him but do your very best never to rise to his baiting - he may not even realize it, but that's what he's doing. My husband was doing it in the months before I found out about his affair and his plans to leave. We couldn't have a conversation without his making fun of me or criticizing me and my responding with anger. I didn't recognize it until later. It's their subconscious way of making this whole thing OUR fault instead of THEIRS. Don't let him do that to you. Be polite, and if he is angry ask him to please call back when he feels better.<P>Once you've gotten YOUR head back together and your emotions on an even keel, then, if you still think you must, make your decision about Plan B. But I don't think you should do that just now.<P>Again, this is just my opinion and I'm not a counselor ... just a woman who has gone through some of what you are experiencing... right down to the not leaving the house unless I had to!<P>{{{{{{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

Mitzi,<P>It's OK to feel angry, it's OK to feel numb, it's OK to feel pain, and even it's OK to LB once in a while (although I am sure Dr. H won't agree with this).<P>But first of all you have to take care of yourself: get enough sleep, do some exercise, go out & talk with family/friends, they can be very supportive, and if necessary take antidepressants, see a shrink if you feel you need it. Do whatever is necessary to feel & be better.<P>You are the center of your own personal universe, not your H, not even your kids. Without you nothing will work; your H is currently very self-centered & it is important that someone remains as calmed as possible.<P>Hang in there, Mitzi, you are not alone. I am impressed by the number of your posts in the short time that you've been at MB. Keep posting & replying, this is the best place to vent & learn how to improve your situation.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited January 10, 2000).]

Thanks everyone for pulling me out of my slump.....Again! I am feeling better today. When I see him on the weekends, the hurting starts all over. I'm pretty ok during the week when he's gone.<BR>My mother called me this morning with a # for an attorney. I feel like I'm being pushed to file for divorce. (She even offered to pay for it). I know I need to tell her that I'm not ready, but HOW???

this is just my POV you could tell her "no offence mom but this is my marrage and I am not ready to end it."<BR>But any way you do it may make her upset I'm sure she dont want to see you hurting,(like a D is going to fix that huh?) But anyway I am sure you will figure things out just remember she is your mother you can tell her anything.<P>anyway I am so glad to see you are feeling better today if you get down and need to talk you know how to get me. I am on this thing sevral times a day.(maybe not today we have been invaded by the flu)I have a sound wave I'll send you (little ones may not want to hear it)it should make you smile.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> LMS20ish@cs.com <P><BR>

Your husband is manipulating you, twisting things around so that he can blame you for his infidelity. He is trying to cause fights so that you will get upset and fight with him, so that he can justify in his mind his affair. Mine did this exact same thing, which gets even more intense when alcohol is involved. He still blames me, but I will not accept his blame. Don't let him push your buttons anymore. Be strong, when he starts his act, tell him you love him and do not want to fight with him, and then DON'T FIGHT BACK. Walk away, close your mouth, and as we say on the Women's Bible Study Formum, Shut Up and Pray! Also, anti-depressants really will help you. Call your doctor as soon as possible. Don't let this overwhelm you. Your kids need you so much right now. God bless you, I'm still praying for you and your husband. Hang in there.

I don't have anything to add. Alcoholic's Wife said it all. I'll be praying for you & your family.

Mitzi,<P>I also agree with everything that Alcoholic's Wife said. I just wanted to add that you need to tell your parents to "back off" with their opinions right now. You need them fighting in your corner in a non-judgemental way. You might even wish to keep some of your bigger sceneros with H from your parents so not to fuel their fire. I finally had to tell both mom and dad that they needed to stop their negative talk about my H and his affair. I told them that it did not do me any good to hear it while my emotions were so unstable. They stopped (understandingly too.)<P>

Thanks for all of the prayers. I really don't know if there are enough for me or not. I know this is still raw and new and that it takes time. I guess I need to stay strong until the fling sizzles and then get to work. I've decided I'm not going to talk to him this week if he calls. It'll have to wait until Friday. I need time to cool off and so does he. Plus he needs some thinking time.