About 2 weeks ago I found out my husband has been having an affair. We decided to stay and try to work things out. Over the weekend I recieved an itemized phone bill with the other womens number, so I called and spoke with her. She told me things about the affair that made me very upset. (She has met my sister-in-law) and how she knows were he works. It upset me because he tells me that she knows nothing about him. So I packed up all his clothes and when he came home I told him that he had to leave, well he started telling me how much he loves me and that he's not going to leave me and he wants to work things out. Of course I believe him, but I cant help it. Every time he kisses me or plays with me, my first thought is "I wonder if he kisses her or plays with her like this" and then i'll get mad and I'll push him away. He get mad and tells me "I thought you want to try to make it work" Which I do, but I don't know how to stop doing that, it happens all the time. How could I give us a real chance if I feel so insecure about our relationship????????<P>HELP!!!!!!!!!

Rosario, are your guys in counseling?<BR>Is it over with her?<P>I feel that you should be really honest with your husband about this - tell him how you feel - but i would defintely look up some counseling.

Rosario,<BR>Don't worry, what you are going through is NORMAL. You need to do some reading before making up your mind. Look at Dr. Harley's books and internet reading. Read "After the Affair". The first two parts and the very end are very good for your husband to read right away! It may give both of you more questions, but it will help you sort out your feelings and get you on the right track.<P>It takes a long time to build trust again. You can start building your relationship with your husband while he works on rebuilding your trust.<P>There are steps your husband will need to go through too. That's where the readings come in. Dr. Harley's information is key in getting you back on track.<P>Going through counseling is good, but be sure to try one and see how it goes. Not all counselors are good. We found out that it will take time to find the right one. But, you cannot rely on a counselor alone. You have to do the readings too.<P>Good luck with everything. And remember if you have specific topics in mind- use the search engines to see how people have responded in the past.<P>Just remember the word PATIENCE.