I need help here. My H and have been rebuilding our marriage after he revealed his affair, about six months ago. The trouble I have is that he is still the OW's boss and I can not get beyond this. I do not feel I will ever completely be able to let go and feel more secure until she is completely out of our lives. He still becomes very defensive when anything about her is brought up, which I no longer do, but occassionaly he will regarding business. He says he feels like he is being prosecuted whenever we do have a discussion regarding her no matter how loving and fair I am in the conversation. I told him I think this is his guilt not allowing him to receive the subject objectively, he is always on the defense. I am wrong when I do open up to my feelings regarding her and am forbidden to ever discuss it, but he can. Something does not feel right here to me and I am scared, please help. DIT.

Drowning in Tears,<P>I don't know anything about the work situation, but is it possible to change that role of boss/subordinate... If the company is large... have her moved somewhere else?... Can H go somewhere else?... to eliminate contact? If it is a small company this is almost impossible... but are there any options to break this contact?<P>Jim

My H also still works in an office where the OW is, a secretary, imagine that. Even though she is not his secretary they see each other on occasion, and i read a flirty e-mail from not too long ago when they were both having a bad day i guess. I can't say anything cause then he'll know i have access to his e-mail. I would like to reveal the affair to his superiors, but that won't work will it. He was open about it after it came out in the open, no gory details though. This thing recently has me very concerned, i'd like to ring their necks for even communicating. She has moved on to another male in the same office, at least he isn't married though.

Thanks for the replys. It is a large company and they transfered to another division but somehow it still works out that she still directly reports to my H. The other division has no boss's only sales people. And as for the second reply, he told his boss and they have openly discussed the effect it has on our marriage even having her presence in our lives. I feel it's asking more than he has a right to by not demanding a different setup. He tells me I need to get over it, that I am dwelling on the past and she is not a threat to our marriage. I cannot let go of it that easily. He almost left me and my children for her but caught her with another guy from work and had a sudden change of heart. I sometimes feel he would be with her today if she would have continued to pursue him. He is really trying with us but there's still something greatly missing in my feelings. He is unable to complement me, when I ask him if he thinks I am pretty he says , "Yeah sure", but he can't even look at me when he does. He is quick to point out attractive women on TV and told me he told the OW all the time she was pretty, he said he found her very attractive. Ironically she looks like a dike and I have men that are total strangers complement me on my looks and physic. I take pride in how I look and work out and stay on top of being in shape. I think everyone owes that to themselves and to their mate. Only my mate doesn't appreciate it and I have to go around strangers to get complements. Is he still craving her?

Dear D.I.T. <BR>I've been absent for awhile,but I am Male, and the "betrayed" one. My W had an E.A.( w/some physical but no sex, I found out in time!) I relate about the letting go part, Its been 6 mos, and it seems like yesterday to me, yet my W just wants it behind and gone. We must (by choice for our son) see the OM 2-3 days a week in the same athletic team, his son our son are on same team. So its like opening the wound everytime I see him. Plus his W does not know and she attends games, talk about awkward. I know Mr. Harly promotes telling all involved, but I gave my word to the OM I would not, as long as he did not contact my W at. We are congenial while at games, I even talk to him. Its weird. We are christians , the OM and his W are not. Are you? it helps alot!<BR><P>------------------<BR>jnvc<P>

Drowning in Tears,<P>It is so hard to know if your H is cravng her or not...<P>In <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... it shouldn't matter... just No <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A> and when possible meet his <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<P>I know it means... be "saint"-like...<BR>It's hard...<BR>It's the "narrow path" you hear/read about...<P>We'll help when it gets you down... <P>Hey... smile a little... <BR>You're loved you know... <P>Jim