Oops-I know I can only tell you guys because this is embarassing. The other day, my ex-H's cell phone was sitting on my desk. There was a written message on the display from the OW saying hi just trying out your new #. I deleted the message because I didn't want my ex-H to call her. Bad bad bad! I felt guilty about invading his privacy so I told him. Bad scene! You all know what he said and I deserved this one. Although he said he hadn't been talking with her, I just had to see. To get back at me, he called her. Now two days later, he has e-mailed her that he is going down to see her. He accidentally left the e-mail on the screen, which I found when I got home. I confronted him with this and started another large issue, ending in him saying he was moving out when he gets home. Why can't I just quit when I'm ahead? I want to believe that he's not talking with her and when he probably wasn't talking with her, I provoke him into doing so. Or perhaps reality will set in that he has probably been talking to her all along and I'm just a big sucker for letting him stay with me

Don't want to disappoint you Kate, but, being an OW, I can tell you that he probably is and has been talking to her. First, about the phone. Why would his cell phone be on your desk? Why would she have his "New Number" to begin with if he didn't give it to her? And second, why on earth would he "accidently" leave an e-mail on the computer screen to be found unless he wanted it to be found? I'm sorry... but I know what I have had to go through to keep my affair secret. Erasing all calls on caller ID, Making sure I dial a single number on the phone after I have hung up from dialing OM, deleting all mail sent, all mail received and anything that has to do with OM from computer. It sounds to me like he wants to be found out. Knowing of course that it is going to upset you, maybe it is his excuse for getting out? I don't know... Just a thought from this side of things...... I'm sorry.... I hope I am wrong but something doesn't sound right....<p>[This message has been edited by Lacee (edited January 10, 2000).]

This I feel I can comment on having been an OW in the past. He wouldn't just all the sudden decide to go see her because of your scene. He was already in contact with her. I'm not telling this to make you feel worse because I don't want you to be in more pain! I'm telling you because you are blaming yourself because you said something and now you think it's your fault because they are talking again. I would bet that this is not true. They were already talking and he already was planning to go see her. Now he wants to blame you and you are letting him? Don't do that! You are the only one who can decide what you should and shouldnt do with Plan A and Plan B. But don't blame yourself because he is seeing her. It is not your fault. I have been there and I can tell you for sure it is not your fault. It is always only the choice of the cheater and nothing else. <P>Del

Please don't blame yourself for anything. Youe husband has a free moral will, and anything he does it's because he wants to do it. I was betrayed by my H,and for a long time felt it was my fault. something I did. But through counseling, I realized that it was his decisions, nothing I did made him do what he did. Please, Please, Please don't blame yourself, if you want your marriage to be restored, pray, and leave him to God to change. It seems as though he was waiting for a chance to leave. He needed an excuse,and he wants you to feel bad, so you will be blaming yourself. It's nothing you did, that made him react the way he did. Don't let him put this blame on you. Let him be responsible for the actions he take. This comes with love!

Kate...I agree with the rest. It sounds like your H wanted to be found out...that he purposely left evidence so that it would be found.<P>He knew that you would get mad. Then, when you confronted him with it, he had a reason to get mad at you, blame you...and then say he is leaving for the OW.<P>Such "classic" betrayer behavior.<P>Don't play into it. You are better than that. Your H has a mind of his own. Don't let him blame you for his stupid decision and behavior.

Hi Kate... Sorry bout the new mess... saw your post and wanted you to know I've been thinking of you...<P>Don't take the burden! You already have enough to carry....<BR><P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

kate31,<P>I agree with what others have said. They were in contact and he is now trying to blame you for his behavior. Don't accept the blame. It is not your fault. <P>I was especially interested in Lacee's comments about covering her tracks as a betrayer. That's exactly what my wife had to do. You husband has been doing the same. He wanted to be found out for some reason.

Lacee~<BR>Your too smart to let this be put on you! Don't do it! He obviously wanted to be caught and he's setting YOU up to end the marriage, maybe he couldn't deal with the guilt. I've done the same thing accidentally once, found e-mail she sent after being told by him not to send e-mail anymore. I spent a whole afternoon feeling guilty that I found it and also feeling angry because he didn't tell me about it outright, he knew we had made an agreement that any contact would be shared. <BR>When I did confront him he told me he was looking for a good time to tell me and showed me a printout of the reply he had made to her. He did everything to reenforce that our agreement was still intact. He also told me he didn't blame me for looking, even accidentally, he knew he had to earn back that trust and that it was something I would naturally do, even though it was against my nature. If your H was truly interested in repairing the relationship he would handle things in that way!<BR>God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Thanks for all your input. When you are just feeling utterly stupid for what you've done, it's nice to have people tell you that you haven't sunk so low.<P>Special thanks to Cozy, my Washington companion. It's nice to think that someone is close in spirit as well as proximity.