This somewhat upsets me that I am leaving this forum. I do find encouragement, support, and friendship here but in lite of a few recent circumstances - I must leave.<P>In being here - I am standing in the way of two people who love eachother and are trying to rebuild there marriage (I have felt guilty about this for a while and didn't do it on purpose). Making them uncomfortable was NEVER my intention. I thought that I was seeking help anonymously enough but I guess I wasn't. If you don't understand, that's okay because I know that these two people do. When I first came here as 'Brynn' - I told myself to not read their posts. It was hard but I managed to do just that and feel good about it. I was here to seek help for my marriage - not to spy. <P>I do realize that I am being very vague because you don't know the real reasons why I am leaving. It is completely my decision and I know that I am doing the right thing. I have fallen and need to get back on track. <P>It is up to myself to work on things WITH my H's help. He loves and cares about me so much and know that we will make it thru this. I will not stop educating myself on behalf of our marriage in MB - I just won't be a part of the forum.<P>FOR THOSE OF WHO REPLIED TO MY POSTS - I can't thank you enough for helping me get thru some really hard days. Your advice helped more than you will ever know. As a betrayer - I learned why I did what I did and where emotional affairs start. I also learned a bit about how a betrayed person feels as well by asking questions (my H does not always communicate his thoughts). Thanks for answering my questions and thanks for listening when I needed someone to be there. When I first came here, I felt so low. I was 'in the wrong' because I was the betrayer. I have learned to deal with what I have done and am truly working to rebuild my marriage. I admit that I am addicted to my OM and know that the feelings just don't go away overnight. It takes time and hard work but my marriage is worth it.<P>On that note - I will say 'goodbye'. I wish happiness and love for everyone here. It is out there and everyone deserves to be loved. Everything in our lives happen for a reason.<P>Take Care -<BR>Brynn <P>

Brynn,<P>Don't feel it is a final goddbye...<BR>You're always welcome back!<P> <P>Jim

Brynn,<P>You helped me with your words and I can never thank you enough. You know your reasons to leave. I hope you can rebuild your relationship.<P>Take good care <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<BR>

brynn - Best of luck to you. Keep working hard on your marriage - I'm so happy you have your husband's help and support.<P>I know you guys will succeed.<P>Lori

brynn,<P>If you do the things you have learned at this site, I believe you will succeed. Take care of yourself and your husband.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Brynn,<P>What a great post! I can see a person who has grown and sifted through some awful stuff to find what is really important to her. Sounds like you found "yourself" through this ordeal. How wonderful that your H is ready to stand by your side and help you through the terible times to come ahead - the withdrawal - the worst!!! But, with his loving suppor tan dyour determination and commitment, I know you two will make it. God does have a purpose and a reason for everything. No matter what, sounds like your suffering will not be in vain - it has made a newer and better Brynn. You will make your H a mighty fine wife and you should be proud of your determination to make the best marriage with your own H!!!!!!! <P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Brynn,<P>Best wishes as you work to repair your marriage.<P>I'm sure you'll be around reading and learning... take what you can, and use it to grow stronger in your resolve to make things right!!<P>You have grown so much over the short time you've been here... I have a good feeling about you and your H .<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Brynn,<P>I must confess as to not reading past the first three paragraphs of your post. After I write this, I'll go back and read the rest, but I had to jump in.<P>Though you are being vague, it is plain that OM and OM's wife are posting on these boards. If your decision to leave is based on that, I would urge you to reconsider. MB is about rebuilding our marriages and if that is what you are truly here for then you are a valuable member of the community.<P>You speak of addiction (OK so I went back and read the rest of your post) and of promising not to read their posts and yet I can't think of any better way of overcoming those 'addiction' feelings than by seeing for your own eyes that the OM is also trying to save his marriage. It might be a little painful, but hey, change is pain... and pain causes change... take if from me... I know a lot about this topic. There is no way, and I repeat NO WAY you are going to make it through this and come out ahead if you don't face your pain and shame head on. You can try and run from it, but there's little point because it will always catch up to you. <P>If the OM and OM's W are posting here, it might be a good place to make and apology to her, as has happened before on this board. <P>Furthermore, if OM reads your posts, and you can probably bet he does, it probably wouldn't do him any harm to see how much you loved and were trying to win back your own husband.<P>I don't buy into this whole 'addiction' thing, but I understand the concepts and emotions involved and every little bit helps. If it hurts to read his posts, maybe it's a pain you need to feel and get over... <BR>If reading his wife's posts are what's causing you the pain and making you want to leave then there's all the more reason for you to stay. You want to recover from this? Well you're going have to face the consequences of your actions on as many levels as you can handle and the limits of what you can handle are what will determine the extent of your personal growth and recovery...<P>Anyway, just incase I'm way off in left field on all of this, I'm going to sign off now...<P>TTFN<BR>Deut <P>I realize that there's more to this than I know, so keep in mind that the above was written based soley on my limited perceptions, and do not be insulted if I was way off.

Sorry, Deut, I don't agree.<P>I think in a case like this (as with the Tired Lady/Exhausted Man/Mia issue), a certain amount of "I was here first" has to apply. Either that or make d*mn sure that your identity is very carefully hidden.<P>You don't have to be a genius to figure out of which couple Brynn is the third party.<P>I think we saw with Tired Lady just how these things turn out.<P>Just my $0.02.<P>You're a home improvements guy, huh?

hmm....<BR>I don't know the history of (tired lady, exasted man and mia) I will research and perhaps utter an 'eep' or an 'oops' regarding my above post. <BR>My post stems from the fact that a) I have a habit of playing the devil's advocate and b) my way of dealing with my guilt was to meet everything head on... I did my best to not run away from anything that would force me to face the consequences of what I'd done to my beloved Wife. <BR>I grant that my post may be way off and sincerly hope that I haven't promoted an undesirable situation.<BR>As for who the couple is (and I'm just slightly short of genius ) I've made a definite effort to avoid speculating....<BR>Deut<BR>

Boy, I agree Dazed and Confused that Tired Lady/Mia thing was the most hurtful fiasco I have ever seen happen on this forum. I would never want to see another situation like that come in. It is a disaster waiting to happen when the 3rd party shows up! <P>I feel for your hurt brynn but if your identity is known then that is the clue for a speedy exit! The great benefit of this forum is anonymity.

I was gonna edit my post, but decided to come back and write something else instead...<P>I have remained friends with TL, even though I am a betrayer and she was once a very bitter betrayed, because, I think, I remembered what it felt like to be betrayed and hold grudges. (I was terrible 12 yrs. ago.) <P>When Mia came by the board I was FLOORED because this was a <B>safe haven</B> for TL to vent. I could have slapped whoever gave Mia this web site (obviously, I think it was TL's H) because the safe haven was burned to the ground.<P>In regard to this situation: I began to post something similiar to D&C's post, but chickened out. Thank you D&C for opening this up as it should have been from the beginning. Because I literally wrote and then erased... <P>Brynn said <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>When I first came here as 'Brynn' - I told myself to not read their posts. It was hard but I managed to do just that and feel good about it. I was here to seek help for my marriage -not to spy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This bothered me a lot. Even among this web site there are how many message boards? How many places to discuss the Harley principles? C'mon now, let's be realistic. Brynn could have gone to any other place - like the "Why Women Leave Men" board... it's excellent. She came here because "they" were here. <P>And to those of us who *do* know, I can only wonder that since *he* is still in touch with you, that it means *you* are still in touch with him. See the problem?? <BR> <BR>Brynn, I still say that you are growing and changing... and that means there is promise for your marriage. And I still offer you best wishes as your marriage recovers.<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Brynn, on the chance that you are still monitering this post...<P>For the record...do you feel you were given fair treatment and honest support when you posted?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

brynn,<P>In case you're still checking on your thread...I think you've made a smart decision by leaving the forum. <P>I feel that you have a right to be here just as much as anybody else...but, it will probably cause you more harm than good.<P>You need to break free from all aspects of the OMs life...even in cyberspace! It's just going to continue to hurt you to hear anything about his life...you need to let go in order to heal.<P>However, it might do you some good to personally e-mail some people from this forum who are in the same "boat" as you.<P>Thanks for being so honest.<P>Take Care,<BR>Pam