Hi, Guys!<P>Now don't panic. I'm still the "new and improved" Lori and I still feel and believe all my normal "stuff". Doing a lot of thinking again tonight. (OMG, Sheba, you're rubbing off on me!! )I know so many of the things that are troubling H and I want so much to ease his mind, but I can't talk to him about these things yet. <P>I seem to be able to see things very clearly from his perspective these days, and from that perspective, I can feel his doubts. So, this is how I'd address them, if I could. Well, since I can't, you guys have to deal with it and yes, of course, it's long!!! Sorry, NB. Don't worry, I'm not really sad, just wishing a bit. You know what I mean.<P>Dear H:<P> Tonight I’m missing you a lot. I don’t know exactly what I want to say, but I know there’s so much inside me to say to you. We’ve been through a lot together, huh, Honey? Especially the past few months. I know you’ve been through a lot too. I do<BR>know a lot. More than you’d like. Don’t worry about it. It only helped me to<BR>understand. And I’m not angry. I really never have been.<P> I see so much now that we could’ve, should’ve, done differently. Hindsight is<BR>20/20? Maybe. But it’s more than that. It has a lot more to do about learning - about<BR>me, about you. You see, this letter’s not about your relationship with OW. Or what<BR>really happened between us to make you feel you needed to give up. It’s more about now. <BR>The things I don’t feel I can say to you, no matter how much I need to. I am sorry. I<BR>missed so much. I know, I know, there were reasons, mom’s illness, Papa’s death, my<BR>sickness started even before those things. But they just contributed stress. I was wrong sometimes. And I didn’t even realize it. It’s funny, you know. When you do the best you know how and it’s not the right thing to do. And, so, for my part for the state our marriage was in, I am sorry. I didn’t even know. I wasn’t looking in the right places. I was concentrating on the wrong things sometimes.<P> What bothers me the most, I guess, is now. And the future. I know that, for you<BR>right now, the difficult times overshadow the wonderful ones, even though there were so<BR>many wonderful days. I know you doubt yourself because of things that have happened. And I know you doubt me. And you really doubt us. You are afraid. Of wasting more time. Of giving things another try and having it all blow up in just a few months or years. I don’t blame you. I also know that you’re concerned about your future where you are. I don’t blame you there, either. I would like to ask you not to give up, on either of us or on our dreams. They can still become reality.<P> Guarentees? Life doesn’t give many, does it? But I can give a few. Maybe not<BR>the ones you want, but a few, sure and certain. I’ve come to know myself really well these past few months. And look at our love and our marriage through unclouded eyes. Like I told you before, I don’t think I really changed, but I’ve reached inside me and found so much that I didn’t even know was there. So, what can I promise? Nothing - and a lot. I can promise that you won’t “pay” forever for what’s happened to us. We both own the responsibility for this mess we’ve created. I can promise that my heart is open - and always has been. I can promise that my love for you is strong and solid, and based on much more than my needs, based on who you are, the man inside that I have always loved and respected. I still see him. I still love him. I can’t promise that I’ll always do everything “right”, but I can promise that I can do better, much much better than before. And that my mind is open - more than ever before in my life. I can promise to protect our love and our marriage, to be true and loyal to you, to listen, to see more clearly than before. I can promise to do my best not to take you and our love for granted. To cherish<BR>each day we have together. To believe in you and what you are, who you are. To work to make our marriage the one we always dreamed about. <P> I know you love me. It shows. The “in love” part - that’s just a step away. I’ve<BR>seen it happen. We just have to give it a chance. And we stand a better chance than<BR>almost anyone. I really believe that we won’t regret it. Together, we can be happier<BR>than we ever imagined; we can make our dreams come true. I feel it, I know it. We just need that chance. I love you, always.<P>Love, Lori<P>Thanks for taking his place tonight, guys. Don't know what I'd do without you.<P>Lori<P><p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited January 10, 2000).]

wow.<P>((((((((((((((((LORI))))))))))))))))))<P>Dylan.<P>------------------<BR>so maybe you wanted a martyr....just a regular gal would'nt do..but baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...Jim Croce

Lori,<P>That is probably the best letter you have ever written to him - I know- I've read most of them.<P>I know this is so hard for you. There is so much love between the two of you. You see it, I see it, and your H sees it too (sort of).<P>I know why you can't give it to him. And I also you how badly you need to give it to him.<P>All I know is, one day, your prayers will be answered and your dreams will come true.<P>Don't give up on what you believe in, since what you believe in is right.<P>Love you,<P>Cheryl

Lori,<P>Wow is right. Will you marry me. Kidding.<P>I had to make a joke to stop the tears that tears rolling down my cheeks. It is amazing how similar most of us are. I wish my lovely could reach in and touch my heart, she has no idea the healing power it holds.<P>I wrote on Sheryls thread about her. I just breaks my heart.<P>Anyhow keep plan-aing, I need the insperation to keep on doing it.<P>Your H will realise what he is missing.<BR>God will make things right.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Lori,<P>Ok... you've got me crying... <BR>These were just such beautiful words...<P>They were so nice... I couldn't stop reading them... and couldn't even put on the critical eye you guys expect of me... I'll re-read it tomorrow.<P>You are very good with words Lori... <BR>Very good!<P>The only sad thought in my mind... is that if I were to have written something like this to my W... she would have just said "so what"...<P>But for you... eloquent! <P>Save this for him someday...<BR>It's got to bring a tear of joy to his eyes too!<P>Jim

My hope is that you will have a chance to prove your letter true with your H.<P>But no matter what the outcome, you have grown in ways that will positively impact the future no matter what happens!

Jeez, Lori, that was really LONG <P>Besides that, it was very heartfelt (as always) and very understanding of "his side"... I could use a bit of your empathy, I think.<P>These poor men. Poor, poor men. <P>Love you, sweetie!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Mornin' Guys. Thanks for your kind words. I think that's what's so darned frustrating sometimes, to want to talk w/ him and not be able to. I just know he worries about whether or not I'll "go back" to the Lori that wasn't always there for him. And there's no way to convince him that he's working with someone different now.<P>Dylan - thanks for the hugs, I needed them last night! And a good REAL kiss.... OH, well, can't do anything about THAT!! <P>Hi, Sis! I knew you'd understand. Thanks so much for being there.<P>Bill - I've been thinking about you a lot. And following your "baby steps" even when I don't post much. You hang in there, ok? And thanks for caring.<P>Jim - Man, I counted on you to set me straight!!! I just read about your son - what a guy!! Takes after dad, huh? Thanks for being here.<P>FHL - That was the nicest compliment. As much as all this has hurt, I really DO appreciate how much I've grown. Sometimes I forget that I've got that, no matter what.<P>NB - Jeez, Sheryl.....(shuffle, whine, kick) <P>My dear, dear friend, you are one of the most empathetic people I've ever known. That's the worst part, not being able to SAY the things I want to say. Oh, well. Hey, maybe if I could, I wouldn't talk so much!!!<P>Thanks, guys,<P>Lori

Lori -- That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Wanna know why it's so wonderful? It came directly from your heart without being filtered by your head. Your journey of learning will be of so much benefit to you and your H *WHEN* you get that opportunity to make those dreams come true.<P>Don't worry, this letter definitely comes from the "new and improved" Lori...<P>Luv ya and mondo hugs...<P>--DeWayne--

Lori, that was so beautiful. It's everything he needs to hear and know. You will know when it's the right time to give it to him. I know you are getting tired of the fight, but never forget what you are fighting for, your marriage and the man you love. They are both worth all the pain you are feeling. You are so strong, you will get through this. <BR>Viki

Lori, did I miss something? Why <B>can't</B> you give your H that letter?<P>--andy<BR>(sitting here at work trying not to cry...)

Lori,<P>My first thought was to agree with airheart. "Why can't you give it to him?" but I understand that now just isn't the time. He isn't ready to hear it. It is just so wonderful that you are ready and have been some time now, to say it.<BR>I have said it before and I will say it again you are truely an inspiration to me, in your love, patience and acceptance.<P><BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lori}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

DeWayne - thanks so much. My heart is really full right now for some reason. I can't explain it, but something's going on (yup, here I go again w/ that "intuition" stuff!! Don't laugh! ) Talk with you later.<P>Hi, Viki!! thanks for the encouragement! Yeah, I guess I am a little tired. Shouldn't be compared to what so many go through. I think I've missed talking to him so much if he sat down to listen I wouldn't shut up for days!!! (No comment from you, Sheryl!! )<P>Airheart - I'm glad you read this. And glad you asked that question. I was afraid it was too much, too soon. I KNOW these things are going through his head, he's talked about them to EVERYONE else - even saying he will always love me. But, would you believe, after all these months of letters, cards (cutesy, sweet and loving) and all that junk, he actually ACKNOWLEDGED them last night on the phone??? Said thank you for sending them, they're really sweet. I didn't even know how to take it - it's the first time. I'm always interested in your take, Andy (I really do admire you and like you a lot), do YOU think he should have it?<P>Lori

Nicole - posting together again, huh? Thanks, Hon, but don't give me credit I don't deserve. I'm just hanging in like everyone else. Thanks for your support, though, it means so much.<P>Lori

WOW lostva! You said things that some of us would love to say and some of us would love to hear. Sigh.... So heartfelt and sincere. It does bring a tear to ones eye now doesn't it? I hope that you will be able to give it to H someday. I'm not completely clear on your entire situation either. Maybe I need to go back a bit and read some more of your posts. Sending you my encouragement and prayers... as you have done so often for me...

Thanks, Lacee - that means a lot. Keep your fingers crossed.<P>Lori

Whoa, Lori.....<P>He acknowledged the cards last night????? HMMMM...intersting....he is starting to come back to NOTICING!!!!! GOOD!!!!!<P>Keep this letter handy. I have a feeling that the time is rapidly approaching when you sould and will give this to him. Not just yet....but real soon.<P>Keep PlanAing!!!! You are making soem inroads here! <P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree - and THANKED me for them! Said they were sweet. Also said "I need to ask you a horrible favor - a really bad thing." (I sank then). Wanted me to make him some business cards with his new address on them. Yuck! His reasoning? "If I buy them this time, I have to order 500-1000 and I don't want that many with this address on them, so I was wondering if you'd do them." He offered to pay. I suggested dinner!! He countered w/ coming over this weekend to get them and having lunch together. Oh, well, too scared to get excited. Keep praying, Hon. Your "speed up" prayer might just help!!!<P>Lori

That is such a great letter. I don't know about it being too much too soon. Someday it will be perfect - but only you can decide that. I wish I had written a letter like that to my H. It said a lot of the things I wish I had said to him after he left. Good Luck.

Lori,<P>Well I know that God has a sense of humor because I haven't been struck by lighting just yet!!!!!! <P>My candle is going for you tonight!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>