Hi Izzy,<BR>I don't really know your whole situation, so maybe the following ideas won't appeal to you at all. But IMHO drastic times call for drastic measures.<BR>You responded my post about Plan A taking a long time, and then asked if we had ever been separated. To that I have to say yes and no. My husband is gone approx. 2 weeks a month. When he is gone it is like he does not exist for this family or me. His trips take he mostly to Europe or the Far East and the expense of long distance calls prohibits him from calling home. This has been our life for 18 years. Before I discovered the affair, we were just muddling along our joint and individual paths with out much consideration at all to each others needs. If you have read any of my other posts you might be familiar with some of the story. The two years before I discovered his affair, we were separated more than the times required by his job, because he had emotionally abandoned us. So although he did not have an apartment of his own, he was living a life with the OW forlong week-ends and on several occasions, week long trips. No knowing about the affair while it was going on may have made those separations easier than your situation, with your spouse choosing to live in an apartment, but the difficulties associated with making love bank deposits were the same. His mind set was with her, not me. I could never do anything right for the longest time and there was no desire on his part to improve the situation. He kept talking about the changes I needed to make without ever mentioning that he might need to make changes too. So, the second yearof his affair, when I still did not know about it, I bagan working on expressing my love for him. I did not know about the 10 needs or the love bank at that time, but basically I was working on the same premise. (Refer "Plan A works" Post) But deposits could be made only when he was around.<BR> <BR>You now find yourself in a similar situation. She is gone and your time together is limited. You did not say if this was a Plan B move or what, but let's assume it is not. If you have agreed to "keep in touch" that is enough to start. Sit down and write her some letters. Letters that reveal your true feelings about the situation. Letters expressing the questions you may have and answers you would give. One technique I read about and tried was to write a story and animate the characters with the feelings you have. For example, I wrote a story in which this cave woman had to keep a bright flame going without help from any other source and the cave woman was also in charge of a bunch of other things, cooking, tending children, etc. The fire becomes more demanding and even licks out and burns the woman. yadayada.<BR>Get the idea? Woman stops feeding the fire coz fire starts burning the woman. <P>If you are uncomfortable with that, there are greeting cards at Wal-mart that you could send her periodically. In other words, court her. Did she say not to?<BR>Invite her to dinner or a week-end out of town. Send her little presents. Keep yourself in her mind.<P>If you are interested in the book that explains how to communicate writing picture stories let me know and I will try to find out who I loaned it to!<P>Good luck,<BR>Will be thinking about you.
