Lacee, yes I'm going to be OK. I think the guy is a slimeball, not being out of his own marriage and preying on other married wives, be they ever so disgruntled with their marriage, he should have stayed away. Married people aren't a target group!<P>Well, I'm gonna keep my cool, I'm mostly there on Ws request to keep her safe.

Despite all the happy faces in your most recent post, this has got to hurt like hell.<P>Jeez... why'd she do that???? Poor thing, she is gonna feel like crap for quite some time now - and how well I know!! <P>You really are a wonderful man, and you got your W back, but damaged a bit, I'm afraid. Please consider STD testing (I'm a HUGE proponent of the testing, it will ease both of your minds and help the healing process!) and using condoms until you get that clean bill of health (which will take almost a year - unfortunately ).<P>I feel for you - and for her. Be prepared to see a gammit of emotions that will bring her all over the board. <P>Again, you are a wonderful man, and I respect what you're doing.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Sadman,<P>I know the feeling all to well. My W "had" to go see LRB on a regular basis and there wasn't crap I could do.<BR>Hang in there your acceptance will probably waver, just ride it out the feelings of pain will ease. Hold on to that commitment.<P>If I were to see LRB I will spend the night in jail and he will spend the night in the hospital. I'm sorry prediters need there asses thoroughly beaten.<P>By no means whatsoever do I suggest doing this in fact fight the urge.<P>Love your W and don't LB.<P>K,<BR>My W looks like a coke addict <P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

SadMan,<P>I am sooo sorry this happened. I prayed it wouldn't. But at least she is now understands and is willing to work on the marriage. Too bad she had to learn it this way. She is lucky, however, he didn't turn out to be someone who could have hurt her physically. Don't be surprized if he is gone from the hotel when you and your W get there.<BR>This guy is a class A jerk ( and I'm being nice) and a coward. The best of luck to you and your marriage. I will continue to pray for you both. Take care and God Bless you both.

SadMan,<P>Please don't take me wrong but I want to congratulate both you and your W. What you've gone through in a very short period takes sometimes months or years. She HAD and affair (she doesn't); she feels guilty & she is in withdrawal; you two are not talking about divorce anymore but about rebuilding your marriage. I would had suggested "don't let her go" (my first intention) but now I think is good that she did, because all those "ifs" (what if I had met this guy? what if OM was as wonderful as in his e-mails? etc.) won't be in her mind.<P>Now you have to work hard & smart on getting the house in order & despite of how much of a jerk he is she could still feel the urge of contacting him. Plan A will help. Your love for her & the kids will help. Her love for you & the children will help.<P>Good luck.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<BR>

I don't know where to begin except to say<BR>thank you to everyone for supporting my husband when he needed it. I just read<BR>through his posts and all the replies (he<BR>asked me to read them). I didn't realize he loved me so much. Our plan and commitment now is rebuilding our marriage with the help of counseling and probably with the help of Marriage Builders. <P>I don't know what else to say since I feel<BR>anything I do say will sound like an excuse<BR>or worse. I was wrong, it is an addiction like drugs, and I plan never to have contact with this other person again, even if it means keeping the phone turned off for awhile. All his e-mails are deleted and I've<BR>thrown away his address. My husband did go with me to the hotel as he said and I am grateful for that. I don't think I could<BR>have faced this person without my husband's support. <P>

It is so good to hear that you are going to work with your H! I know how you must feel. You do know that you are so lucky to have a wonderful H who loves you and is willing to support you through this! I will keep my prayers with you and wish you all the luck in the world as you go through this recovery together...

Kudos to you!!!! I am so glad you have realized what a terrific guy you are married to and that you are willing to work with him on this. I wish the best of luck.

I am very proud of your decision. I wish your both the best of luck in recovering from this. I think you are on the right track already, you have open communication and love. That's a great place to start. Best of luck to you both, and remember, we are here for you.

Sadman,<P>Please stop her. I'm writing this without reading others posts because i want to tell you from my heart not compare my advice with others. My H's affair was 6 months long on the internet. OW moved her to go to school and H started a intamate relationship with her much like your wife is. He said he just had to meet her. Well within a few hours thire fantasty went to the next level adn they were kissing. major making out. This was all During a time when we wer ein counciling but H couldn't stay away from OW. This is so much harder to heal from....My H spent a week with OW at nigth and me in the daytime and IT KILLED ME. My H says confusion drove him to be with OW. Bad excuse but the only one he has. <BR>STOP HER........whatever you do. Once they go to the next level it means more pain and less chance for a honest LOVE.<BR>I'm glad your wife is telling you her plans...and perhaps its her way for asking you to stop her. So be the knight in shinning armore and SAVE her from herself. Do whatever it takes call in to work....go away.....whatever. Do it now.<P>Confusedwife

Sadman,<P>Guess i should of read the rest of the posts....I would of known it was too late. I'm glad your wife now nows she need and wants you. Too bad the guy turned out to be a jerk but Better for you and your marriage. If things had been as she dreamed then the affair could of draged out forever. Be strong...the emotions and feelings heading your way can hit without warning. Total ZERO contact is the only way to go now. Yoru wife has takent hat first step in changing her email.<P>good luck and keep us posted,<BR>Confusedwife

Sadman & Sanmans Wife,<P>How are you guys.<P>I was thinking about you all and wanted to say we are still here.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hi Everybody,<P>First of all thanks for the support when we needed it most, and sorry for not coming back with an update sooner, however we had a lot of crying, talking and mending to do, which have kept us rather busy the last couple of days.<P>Well, here's the continuation. After having met the OM at his Hotel, we have been working on our emotional first-aid, so as to minimize the permanent scars, we both know that they will be there, but we want them to be clean and very thin white lines. This called for a total honesty approach, where everything was out on the table (except the irrelevant gory details pertaining to mechanics of the sexual act itself).<P>We're right now in the process of healing, which means that we have restored a lot of our love for each other, and we have each committed ourselves to make this work and be here for each other for the long haul. We have also both seen the strong bond that actually exist between us, and reaffirmed it.<P>In a way we now both kind of regard this whole episode as a thing that had to happen, for both of us to find ourselves, the meaning of our marriage and a catalyst for making the marriage better and stronger in the future. This is not delusional, we both feel it very strongly, and I think that this realization might make the healing process speedier.<P>I introduced W to the MB site and she's happy for the support that you've given me that difficult evening and the positive manner in which support and help are given without prejudice.<P>In short we're not just hanging in here, we're on a highway to healing and getting a better marriage, we will still be checking in here but not as often <BR>

Back to top for those that missed the continuation.

Sadman,<BR>I believe I understand your wife's dilemma.<P>You said: "Basically W is a very decent person who doesn't want to break promises, however I hope that we've accomplished a break-through last night. As we discussed possible futures and I think that she really sees that the best future is staying married, both to ourselves and our kids. So I have confidence that she will commit herself to the marriage just as I've done. But she has to break with OM in a orderly fashion, she knows it will hurt both her and OM, but I think that her self respect would suffer greatly if she just dumped him like used garbage."<P>This is almost exactly how I felt before I slept with the OM. I went over to his apt. to explain how we couldn't be friends anymore and to end contact. We ended up in bed instead. Even though my "intentions" were ostensibly good, the way I went about it was not good at all!! Read my profile for more info.<P>Is there any way you could go with her? If she is willing to end this (and that is her intention for seeing him), is there any way she could write him a letter instead? Believe me, I would hate for her to find out the hard way what a terrible mistake she is making right now. She is currently in this fantasy that the OM is an alright guy who cares about her (I know all about that). It is a contradiction in terms, though, to believe that anyone who cared about you would want your marriage to end. Although she doesn't see it now, it is only a matter of time before he dumps HER like a piece of garbage!! By that time, she may not even have you to return to. I know, you can't tell her these things without LB'ing. My ex tried to warn me about the OM too, and I just thought he was paranoid. <P>Another thing I see is her guilt for having even an internet relationship. I too felt a tremendous guilt for even being ATTRACTED to someone other than my H. This was even *before* my affair became sexual. My self-esteem and all my trust in myself was completely shot. Of course, the OM was perfectly willing to take advantage of this opportunity I had "created" for him. <P>UPDATE!! I went back over all the posts and realized that your wife decided to see him anyway. Sigh. Well, the good part is that she does really see what a jerk he is and you two can focus on your marriage. I'm so very sad for her that she had to find out the hard way!! It is like watching two cars approach an intersection just knowing they are going to crash into each other. You want to scream STOP, STOP, but there is nothing you can do except give them first aid after the fact and hope their injuries are not too severe. I'm glad she wants to end all contact. You both have all the tools here to strengthen your marriage!! I'm praying for both of you!<p>[This message has been edited by TheStudent (edited January 16, 2000).]