After I found out that my H was having an affair, I was so hurt (and still am). I thought that we could work things out, but like i told you's in my last posting all I can do is think about how they were as a couple, its driving me nuts. I'm starting to think that we can't be happy again. When I try to talk to him about it, he gets upset and says that I'm nagging him to much about it and for me to drop it well I can't. I was thinking of having an affair to get even, but that's not what I really want to do. I think i need to just get over him and start my life over. here's the problem, i can not finacially afford it and he helps me a great deal with my son, so if i make him leave i will be in the hole when it comes to bills and finding someone to take and pick my son up from school. (and this is not an excuse) i thought about it this whole weekend and theres no way that i can do it alone. I thought that i could have him live there and help me, but we wouldn't be together, but i know that would not work because every time he'd come home late, i would wonder if he was with her. He acts like he has not done anything wrong and he expects me to just forget about everything. I need some advice PLEASE

Rosario,<P>When we welcomed you... back on 12/30/1999 we gave you a lot of suggested reading... see <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011342.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity</A>.<P>Did you get a chance to read any of it?<BR>You really should... lots of good stuff there.<P>The decisions you have to make... are going to have to be your own.<P>Divorce?... We hope not... that's why we're call "Marriage Builders".<BR>Separation?... an alternative if you need protection (financial, physical abuse)...<P>If you love your H... and see any chance of reconciliation...<BR>then (at least for a short time) start with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... in time (3,4,6,12 maybe 18 months after that)... go into <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>!<P>After you read some more... as questions about the plans...<P>Your emotions are raw...<BR>Take some time... read the pages from here... <P>Once you have an idea of what to do... post and ask!<P>Jim

In the beginning, you mind can be your worst enemy! What truly helped me get beyond the consumptions was to pray for the ow everytime I thought of her. Trust me, that is not how I want to spend my time and eventually I have come to think of her less and less. When you do think of the relationship your h had with her, do your best not to attack him. This is a major lovebuster! Right now your h is meeting 2 major needs of yours: That of financial help and domestic support. Now you need to look at what his needs are and start meeting them. Once you are more willing to meet his needs, you will become the person he wants to be around and eventually, he will look at meeting more of your needs. You will most likely have to do the majority of the work at the beginning. Not fair, but a fact. How much are you willing to work to build your marriage into more than your h being only a paycheck? Look at what you need to do for yourself to become the best person you can be (this is for you, your h and your child)! Good luck. Vent on this forum, not to your h. All peaches and cream to him

Be cautious of believing you will ALWAYS or NEVER feel a certain way based on your current set of feelings. Everything changes. There are few ALWAYS and NEVERS in this world.<P>Challenge yourself to grow and learn. Take the high road and work at saving your marriage before you give up on it. Even if your efforts to not work out, YOU will have grown and will take your new strength to anywhere life takes you.<P>Open your heart, just a little for now and believe even though you can't feel it now, there is a life beyond the pain. Your H can not take your pain away. Kind of unfair, but true, so you really need to go on a jouney of healing or let your anger turn to bitterness.<P>I posted on what I have learned in one year which is under my name with the subject something about an acceptance speech. Isn't it awful I can't remember my own subject? Anyway, take a look at it. I swear it is all true and I also swear I would not have believed it was possible one year ago.<P>Take care!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13