Please see previous post under emotional needs "withdrawel" for full story. I really need help. I told him last night that we can escape the anxiety of our relationship right now by moving forward together....He teared up when I told him that. I found evidence that he is looking for another place to stay-not w/ person he's having EA with. We had oral sex this morning. He was hesitant and said that it's not right-but we did anyway. How can I prevent the move out?

molly,<P>First off you can't stop him from going... <BR>That's the sad part...<P>The good part... is you can still be there for him in a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<BR>Every chance you get... try and satisfy those <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>...<P>Will he have his cake and eat it too for a while... yes... <BR>But by being as <B>consistant</B> as is humanly possible with NO <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> and meeting what you can of his <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>... you'll give yourself the best chance. <P>It is hard...<BR>No guarantees...<BR>Little in the way of your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> being met...<BR>But... do you want him back? (mentally) and Keep him as much as possible (physically)?<P>Jim

You can't stop your H from leaving. Aside from an honest request on your part not to leave because we want to work on your marriage, there is simply not a lot you can do.<P>Pleading or threatening will not work and will not put you in a favorable light.<P>Sometimes however when a person feels "free" to leave, they feel less trapped and may make a different choice.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Faith, Love, Hope<P>Should I be nice and just help him leave and agree that he needs the space. It will be difficult for him to leave now do to finances unless he asks for help from his parents.

OK...I'm on a limb here because I have no experience with this. Many who have walked in your shoes could give far better advise.<P>If I were you (and I am not, so make your own decision) I would tell him why I wanted him to stay at home and what he could expect from me if he stayed at home (safe haven). Then I would leave it up to him. I wouldn't help him leave and I certainly wouldn't put yourself in a pinch financially. If he wants to leave, let him figure out his own way and let him be the one that leaves on his own.<P>Say what you think without pleading and then put yourself in the neutral zone and let him determine his own course of action and his own means of achieving his course of action...all on his own.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13