I need help very badly. I honestly wonder if I am going crazy sometimes. My husband finally told me he was ssing someone 4 weeks ago. We are trying to get things back together, and I thought we were doing better. Then 2 weeks later he admitted he was going back, he didn't mean physically yet, but headed that way. Since then, there have been some terrible times, unbearable times, but those are followed (for a day or so) by wonderful times. It realy seems like when I finally uterly give up inside, he comes back with all his heart, and tells me how much he wants us to work things out. Then it gradually seems he gets farther and farther apart until I give up again. I really don't know how many trips I can take on this roller coaster ride. <BR>I didn't mean to go on and on, my main problem I think is this: I can see them in my mind, so clearly. I can see him holding her, kissing her, telling her he loves her. I can't get it out of my mind. I know that one reason is that we may be in an unusual situation. She works for my husband. I work for the same company. I know that every night at work he sees her, and it can't be avoided. She is getting transfered, but there will still be that tie. Changing jobs just really isn't an option I don't think, and don't think that I could live with thinking I was the reason he had to leave a job he loves. To make matters 300% worse, she calls me almost every night, just to tell me, she could have him any time she wanted. That he still calls her, and sees her ( I know that some of this is impossible, so I am sure that it is all lies) But I can't make him realize that I can't get over anything with this going on. It's like I am stuck in permanent limbo hell, trying to heal, but she keeps the wound wide open, so I can't. She knows I can do nothing about it, without risking my husbands job. All my husband wants to do is forget about it, he is tired of talking about it etc.<BR>I honestly would like to die sometimes. I apologize, I didn't mean to go on, and on. Any advice or encouragement would sure be appreciated.

welcome to the forum.<BR>the OW seems a little unstable and knows how to push your buttons. She sounds a little off to me - <P>all i can urge you to do is to read and post and vent and cry.<BR>We have all been there and will continue to be there for you.<BR>stay and chat.<BR>Our friend Bill or NSR will be here for the official greeting. But you can recover.<P>the feeling of being insane is normal, i felt like i had to be locked up for a while.<BR>If you choose, anti-deps are fantastic- i dont know how i would have survived without them.<BR>good luck and stay.

HI, and welcome. I have a couple of questions if you don't mind being patient. One, Do you have access to a caller ID unit so you can screen your calls coming in? I understand how you feel. My h's OW used to call me and tell me she did not want my H, was just using him, and was just looking for a better offer. It used to eat me up inside. Of course when he was with her, it was a totally different story.<BR>Two,do you have access to an answering machine to record these conversations? Maybe if your H could hear what was being said, He would be more willing to intercede on your behalf? Just a thought.<BR>Take Care! <BR>Lynn

Welcome <B>cryinginside&out</B>, to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>You've come to the right place... <P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OW/OM/OP).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! You need to start on an immediate <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>! It won't eleviate your bad feelings... at least not right away... but it is the course of action to follow!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>, and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6010_give.html" TARGET=_blank>"Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around. There is a post that lists many of these non-Harley book recommendations... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010158.html" TARGET=_blank>Books... books... books... (again)</A>.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>We can give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>About your feelings... covenant is right about the medication... it will help!<P>Could you convince your husband to <B>formally</B> break off the relationship with the OW... <B>in writing</B>... this is one of the things recommended in the book... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A>... also, consider blocking all calls from her to any phone your at... if that's impossible... tape record what she says on the phone... and have file stalking charges against her (talk this over with H first)... H has to know more emphatically that is is unaccpetable to you!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Crying,<P>I am sorry that you have to be here but glad you found this board just the same. <BR>The 'visuals' are tough to deal with and at first they seem like they will never go away. Even though I am not too far along in my recovery they have started to fade. I am sure that others who have been in recovery even longer will tell you that yes, it is time that will heal these wounds. <BR>Take the advice of NSR and read all you can. Research into what causes affairs and what your husband is going through inside his head will help you with your pain. Posing questions to betrayers will also help in this proccess.<BR>Know that we are all here to help, any advice that is given is out of concern and experience. We are all pulling for each other.<BR>God bless in your journey ahead<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Sounds like this OW is insecure but is trying to push your buttons. Don't give her the power to do it. Is it possible to get Caller ID on your phone....or screen your calls on the answering machine before picking up.<P>I think the ex-OW used to call our house all the time. We used to get about 10 hangups a day. I now screen my calls. I noticed that the hang-ups ceased after my H & I wrote her the "No Contact" letter.<P>Is it possible for your H to be transferred to another department at his work? It won't help your marriage if they are working together. All contact has to be cut off or your H will keep going through his withdrawal.<P>One thing to your advantage is that your H is still with you. Keep Plan A-ing him and show him that you are a better person than that stupid OW. Plan A all the way!

I'm new here, but I have been reading along for a while. I can understand what you mean about seeing them together. That was a constant problem for me. I found that once I wasn't allowing myself to be constantly assaulted, and contaminated by the OW it got so much easier.<P>She is trying to cause you and your H to have conflicts. She thinks that she is loosing the battle and is getting desperate, or she wouldn't be calling you.<P>I think the caller ID is a GREAT idea!Recording the calls for your husband to hear is an ever better idea!! Let her do her own LBing. He will be VERY turned off by a woman who would act like that. Until you can do that, stop her when she starts talking and ask her what she wants. If you don't get the answer you want, hang up!<p>[This message has been edited by NotQuiteOverIt (edited January 11, 2000).]