I wanted to leave this thought but I wasn't sure if you'd peek back into FHL's thread. <P>Just as you, I did most of the initial work. It doesn't take two to begin the process BUT IT DOES TAKE TWO IN ORDER TO WORK TOWARDS A TRULY FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP that will last forever. <P>One thing I've tried not to lose sight of is this....<P>Yes, he strayed because of XXX and YYY. Yet, I also mentally envisioned myself somewhere else and with someone else for nearly a year before he BEGAN his infidelity. ( I think it's called MENTAL INFIDELITY ) <P> The point -- I do everything possible to meet his needs, he's in the drivers seat and can determine whether or not we have a future. I become, again (just like in the beginning) the person he would choose to spend his life with. He's a way happy camper...and our life has a rosy future again.<P>Wrong ! <P>Here's the but....he has to make some changes too. What about my needs ?? Remember Plan A, not the right time to get those wayward spouses to work on the relationship....but now that they're happier and committed....It's time.... <P>We're just NOW (10 years married) becoming good at solid communication about needs. Yes, we always got along famously but when we hit a bump...it seemed to take forever to get out of it. I'm so proud of him...but ya know....I'm really proud of myself tooo. I'm really proud that I'm learning to communicate in a way that WORKS WITH HIM and for us as a team and family. <P>Problem/conflict resolution for him meant, shutting down (no affection, silent treatment for a few days and get over it...... yet he hadn't even told me what he was annoyed at.<P>Fast forward to now.... Calm down, tell each other why you're angry/upset or whatever, hug each other knowing it's probably not an intentional act and then walk away. <P>Now, the "get over it" period is moments and then laughter, teasing and lots more affection. <P>If someone had told me early on it would take this much effort and time...I would have been hysterical...but somehow, with a plan and a focus to keep track of being connected EVERYDAY, (TXS Harley) it seems to be working.<P>Many good thoughts to all<BR>-Tina

Yup you are right!<P>And although it is so hard to believe in the beginning, it is really true!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13