I guess the basic question is: can I trust my husband alone one evening a week while I take a night class? When I told him I would be away from 8pm to 10:30pm I thought I saw a glimpse of mischieveness in his eyes....he can now see his GF on MOndays (his normal day off when they would meet) and on Tuesday nights too....what a deal....I mistrust him completely and think (no proof) that he talks to her, still cuts her hair (secretly, don't know how, really), and he might still be having sex with her (no proof)....but all the time is professing love to me....unfortunately, I don't bellieve he can give up his GF so easily.....but then again....I have to go on with my life.....and want to get a college degree and I can't do that if I have to worry about what he is up to.....in many ways.....maybe I need to separate my life from his......does anyone out there have trouble getting back into the things they were once interested in? I had to withdraw from two college courses this past semester because of lack of concentration....and being on the verge of a major depression....but I am feeling better and thinking that he and his slut, loser GF can go to hell.....I need to live...

Wow, it's funny you should post this today. My whole reason for reading the board today is because I've been feeling really low. I took a job offer to start working nights, because we despertly need the money, and I'm falling to pieces thinking about my husband being here alone. A large part of his "relationship" with the OW took place over the internet either while I was sleeping or working. I had switched to a day job because I felt time together to rebuild our relationship was important. I think a large part of the breakdown of our marriage had alot to do with the fact that I was working all the time. I feel as though my entire family started to deteriorate when I started working long hours. I was relieved when I found a job where I was only working during the day, but I wasn't getting enough hours in to keep the bill collectors at bay. I had no choice but to take this evening job and I've been crying my eyes out ever since. I hope to god this isn't the wrong choice! I understand that I must trust my H at some point, and being his keeper doesn't appeal to me, but I feel it's too soon, and I also think we need to be together if we are going to survive this. I guess life must still go on...bills still need to be paid...I wish I could just lock my H and myself up from the rest of the world right now. When does life start to feel normal again?

If it was right after discovery, I'd say wait. But since you ultimately can not control what he does anyway, I would go for it. <P>Anything that empowers you without hurting another should at least be considered.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Sad:<P>You know what? If he wants to see his GF, he's going to -- whether you take a night class or not.<P>I understand fully where you're coming from. I haven't gone up to see my mom in over a year (haven't missed it, but that's another story). For my dad -- almost 2 years. My friends? Almost never. I've been focusing entirely on H.<P>At first it was a control thing...if I'm home all the time and he's home all the time and when we're not home we're together, it means he can't be with Dragon Lady. <P>Recently I've been venturing out a bit...and I don't always have to go to work with him on the weekend...unless he wants me to.<P>It's a horrible way to live, being frightened all the time. But it's not giving you any control, it's only giving the ILLUSION of control.<P>Are you in counseling? If not, I recommend it, to help you build the strength and courage to "let go" and trust and be good to YOURSELF.<P>Do you know for sure that he's seeing her? Your profile doesn't say. Are you just dealing with residual mistrust?<P>Either way, you HAVE to live your life. If you want a degree, then GET IT. Don't neglect your Plan A, but don't neglect yourself either.

sadforever,<P>I think one of the biggest crimes caused by an affair is the prison it puts the spouse in. Self-imposed maybe but steel bars none the less.<P>Out of fear and no trust in my H, I gave up my career, my home of 20 years, sold most of our recreational possessions and placed myself in limbo!<P>There were nights with temps of 10 degrees that I slept in the car in the parking lot while my H worked a night shift. I had him on a leash which in reality was my ball and chain!<P>As soon as you can free yourself from any paranoia it will be healthier by far. I share this because I wouldn't want any other soul to give up what I did for all the wrong reasons. <P>Nothing is accomplished when fear is the motivator.<P>Go for it! Get signed up for those classes.<P>God Bless! Taj

I'm with them. Go for it!! Time to start living. Ultimately you don't control him anyway and there's no need to give up on you.<P>Sign up right away.<P>Lori

Thanks to all for the kind replies.....I am just beginning to accept the fact that I cannot control what he does....putting restrictions on him puts restrictions on me....I am also not free to pursue my interests, to live my life. I want to live my life. I have pointed out to him (at the time I found out...the end of August) that his GF is not as wonderful as he thinks she is when she KNOWINGLY (she knows me and the kids very well)started an affair with him, a married man....everyone has a very low opinion of any man or woman who starts an affair with another MARRIED man or woman....I tried to make him see how wrong this is....but then again....they don't care about that....they have no integrity and no morals....I, on the other hand have VERY HIGH standards, and morals....I am just sorry I am stuck with someone who thinks differently....AGAIN....THANKS TO ALL FOR THE REPLIES....I AM TAKING MY CLASSES....AM GOING TO MEET NEW PEOPLE....AND I AM GOING TO ENJOY MYSELF....AND WILL BE REWARDED IN THE END....

Sad,<BR>What does your h think about you taking your class? Is he threatened that you will not need him when you are finished with school? No doubt taking the class sounds good for you but is it a lovebuster for your h? One thing that I struggle with constantly is telling my h instead of discussing with him. Tough as this is, and as much as you need to do for yourself, what you do for yourself cannot destroy your relationship with your h. One thing my counselor asked me when I went to visit him was "What are you having an affair with that allows your h the time to do what he has been doing?" Could your college classes be your affair? Just some different ideas than what you have been getting. Good luck with your decision.