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Joined: Jan 2000
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Are men more apt to forgive and put a wife's infidelity behind them or are women, my h says that had it been me he would have put it behind us and just concentrate on us getting better.<P>What do you think???
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Joined: Apr 1999
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Ah nita<BR>That's a tough one.<BR>From the men I've seen at this forum I would definitely say they are very adept at going forward.<BR>However my H has admitted dozens of times that he wouldn't have been able to forgive me for one one hundredth of the things he has done.<BR>I think it depends on the person. Maybe men don't dwell on the emotions as much. Maybe they are far more capable of living in the present. I don't think it can be that general though.
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Joined: Dec 1999
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In my case, I want to work things out (h cheated) but he doesn't right now. I'm more forgiving than he is. He has said before that if I ever cheated on him, he would leave and I have to say I believe him.
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 94
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It seems to me that I've read that woman tend to be more forgiving than men. At least I'm counting on that, I'm certain I would be forgiving with my W if she had a repentful heart.<P>------------------<BR>Fear God and you will have nothing else to fear<P>Hosea 3
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Joined: Aug 1999
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It is my opinion and mine only that from my exdperience women might be more likely to forgive-at least more easily. I think men take an affair much more persoanlly if it is the W doing the cheating. As much as it bothers me that my H had an affair I still don't see it as a fault of mine.<P>OK?<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>
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Joined: Aug 1999
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I think it depends on the individuals and their history in the relationship. I was betrayed and while trying to reconcile I asked my EH" what would you have done if i had betrayed you?. He stated without a moments hesitation, "I would have thrown you out immediately and you would never have been able to see the children."<P>I think that those who believe this, especially the betrayers,whether men or women, cannot understand that the betrayed is able to forgive because they cannot forgive themselves in some way. I could and did forgive the affair, but told him that his mean behaviour prior to and especailly after discovery, will now be much harder to forgive. <p>[This message has been edited by willbok99 (edited January 11, 2000).]
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Joined: May 1999
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I think your H has no idea how devasting the affair is to you. He can not understand your pain because he does not feel it. Therefore what he thinks he would compared to what he would do is vastly different.<P>Men can also compartmentalize better, generally speaking.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13
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Joined: Oct 1999
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I don't know if it makes any difference if it's M or W. The thing that I think makes the difference is if there is a commitment towards going forward. <P>The circumstances of the affair, and the sincerity toward rebuilding the relationship carve out who's apt to stick it out and who's gonna flee. The longer they wait for sincerity to appear, the less likely the commitment.<P>I've seen alot of both M and W on this site commited to making it work. <P>--keystone
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Joined: Aug 1999
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I think that in matters outside of infidelity men and women are probably the same when it comes to forgiving, but I think infidelity is much harder for a man to forgive. I think men understand that very few women have affairs just for sex, and that women will tend to become much more emotionally involved, while men can much, much more often have sex with little or no emotional involvement and that makes forgiving very, very difficult. I also believe that a woman having an affair strikes at the very heart of a man's "Manhood", because of our ability to have sex for sexual fullfillment only, we not only have to deal with the lies and deception, we also have to deal with the wondering of sexual performance, size, acts, these are things that most men find very hard to effectively deal with, but that is just my opinion.
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Joined: Jun 1999
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nita,<BR>I personally don't think it is a man/woman issue. IMHO, it boils down to how tight is your relationship with God. The tighter the relationship with God the easier it is to forgive the betrayer. This even applies to the betrayer: had the betrayer had a really tight relationship with God, then the betrayer would have been able to forgive the betrayed for not meeting their needs and thus the betrayer/betrayed issue would never have come into existence.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><P>
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