I am trying to not LB. And my depression is getting better. It seems like she is not wanting to talk to me if she can get around it. But I guess I can deal with that. She is tired with the flu as well so a little respect and space cant hurt this. I am keeping my new journal and amazed at all the information that's getting put into it.<P>I guess that its gonna take time, and here was me thinking it may just be a couple of weeks. Damn... it hurts<P>Just watched 8MM with N Cage. It had some interesting things in it as well. Watching 8 mm (movie) i saw the obvious signs of problems in the marriage. He had something to do near the end (if you see the movie you will understand) and he did it with the knowledge that he may come home to an empty house. When he got home he went upstairs and there was his baby girl... He cried , his wife came to him... Even though the movie is fiction it still portrays life... At the worst and at the best. Only in hard times can we appreciate the love that is given, or lost....<BR>There is nothing wrong with pain or loss or hurt. Only the circumstances that got you there. Hopefully, eventually you can realize the value with someone you love. Each precious moment you have to love gives your life worth meaning. It's like blood, you can give it away but if you are careful you will always have enough for you and those that really need it.<BR>Guess thats my ramble tonight... I want to start posting my thoughts to you guys. And thanks ahead of time Lostva. I appreciate the help.<P>J

Simply J,<P>My husband Arik loves that movie and has adopted a quote from it as his favorite saying for the time being.<P><BR>"If you dance with the devil the devil don't change the devil changes you"<P><BR>How true it is!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Glad to hear you are picking up a little.<P>Also glad you're here. feel free to ramble james - write us on the amil group and post it here.

I missed this!! Lots of nervous energy, repainting the house and just slipping in for a minute or two here and there.<P>You've learned lesson one - this is NOT a fast process. (That was the hardest one for me!! )<P>She's gonna be distant. You just keep doing the right thing, it sinks in unconsciously, even when it doesn't SHOW, ok? They DO pay attention at some level. Remember, I just got my FIRST acknowledgement of the cards and letters 2 days ago!!! After six months. But I know he has them ALL. (Except for the ones PT destroyed!! :mad <P>And he likes this "new and improved" Lori!! So, he has noticed and that's just seeing him every now and then, not often like you do.<P>Keep it up, ok? Just be strong and patient!!!<P>Lori

Lostva, that was the hardest thing to hear that it is going to take time. I can't say I thank you for the honesty but In my heart I do.<P>Makes me want to cry but she is worth it! I guess time is what I have lots of.<P>J