Well, here is another kick in the face. My husband swears up and down to me that it is over between him and the ow. Well, yesterday he was supposed to take some tests to try and get into college. He suddenly forgets he had to take them and decides he has to go to work instead. Well, I found that quite suspicious. So, when I get home from work, he is already home. He is all happy and says he came home early and spent the day cleaning the garage. Put that flat tire on that seems to not have a problem anymore that he was half an hour late getting home to change the other night. Funny now it doesn't seem to have a problem. Was on the car all night and it didn't go flat again! So, anyway, I told my husband when I got home that I was going to go to where he works and see if the ow's car was there. She was supposed to work yesterday. He said go ahead, it will be there. Well, guess what??? I went and it wasn't there. So, the ow did have the day off. I came home immediately and told my husband what I found. He said she must have drove another car. Well, I was bawling and shaking and sick to my stomach because I knew he had been with her. So, this morning I got productive and started calling motels to see if he had checked into any yesterday and guess what??? He did! The [censored]! What do I do now? I am calling him on it today! I have real proof that he was with her! He has been lying to me all along! Telling me she has a new boyfriend, well I told him I thought he was just saying that to try and make me think it really was over between them. What a jerk! Why do I love him so damned much when he treats me this way! He used to be so good to me! You know what? I took that second job too to try and help out. I told him if I found out he was continuing the affair that I would quit immediately. Well, the jerk, I have only worked one day and he already went out and screwed around! I am supposed to work tonight, just wondering if I should call and quit! I told him I wasn't taking a second job to support his affair! I am trying to be very strong right now as I have to get my kids up and ready for school. I am so pi$$ed off that I don't think it will be a problem. I really want to kick my husband out. BUT, then he will just go be with the ow I guess. He is sitting there telling me she isn't as attached to him as he thought she was. What a LIAR! What an absolute LIAR!!! He kept saying last night he had to find a way to make it all up to me! I knew he was lying. Before he left for work (WELL, YOU KNOW) yesterday, he took a bath and shaved. He didn't put any cologne on at all! Well, when I got home, I knew right away he was wearing cologne. I could smell it right off the bat. He tried to say it was from the night before but I knew better. After all, he had a bath that morning and washed it all off! He wasn't even wearing any the night before! God, help me!!! I HATE THIS MAN!!! What should I do? I can't call him at work because it has to be an emergency! I don't want to wait until tonight to talk to him. Should I go there and just ask him to come outside and talk to me? I think I may call in sick to work. Or at least lie and say one of my kids is sick! I don't know if I can get through the day! I don't want to tell my boss that my husband is an [censored] and that he never ended the affair like he said he did. I have told her about it. She has been very understanding! My husband had offered to have his actual hours printed up. This would show me what he worked daily. I told him not to bother at the time. Well, I got to thinking about it yesterday and asked him to go ahead and do it. Well, he suddenly didn't think they could do that for him. I reminded him that he has done it in the past when he thought they messed up his paycheck. He said the hours are all going to match anyway. Well, I have the feeling he left work an hour early Sunday night and spent it with the ow. Then when he went into work for overtime on Monday, he told me he left at 1:00pm. Well, I don't get home until 2:30pm. So, I think he lied and stayed until 2:00pm to make up that hour that he lost on Sunday night. Therefore, his paycheck would show the same hours. BUT, he wasn't counting on me asking him to print his hours off. So, now he is trying to get out of it. So, this morning, I told him that I really want him to print his hours off for me. He didn't really answer me. Then he said, "Love ya" and got up and left. I don't believe this crap! I need some advice quick today ok? I need to know how to handle this. I can't keep letting him get away with this! <P>HELP!<P>~Woozy

Woozy,<P>This makes me sooo crazy. For crying out loud, do they think we are stupid or what? Never mind don't answer that. First find out if you can get a copy of the motel reciept, to see if the sigs. match. Geez at least people used to say thier names were John Smith or Bob Jones when renting a room.<P>Do not I repeat Do not quit your job, if worse comes to worse you may need it.<P>Second DO NOT go to his job to confront him.<BR>Huge love buster. Don't do it.<P>Try to go to work today, you may not be much use there, but it may help you keep your mind on something else. If you just can't deal once you are there, then explain to your boss that you are ill and go home.<BR>That way she will see you are at least trying.<P>Get some paper and write down everthing, and I mean everything you want to say to h now, get it all out, or post it here but get it out.<P>When you do talk to him you must at least appear to be calm. If you are beside your self he won't take you seriously. I know it's hard. JMO of course<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{woozy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

All I can say is hang in there...you are in my thoughts and prayers. I also just found out that my H had been carrying on his affair even though he was telling me it was over and he loved me. So I know how hard it is.<BR>(((HUGS)))<BR><P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <A HREF="http://journeys.webprovider.com" TARGET=_blank>http://reflect.to/journeys</A> <P> <P>

Hey woozy - I hurt for you. Deb is on the mark, be calm, do not do any love busting. Like all other times, you WILL get through this! Along with motel receipts (if possible), try to push for confirmation of work hours. At the same time, don't put too much emphasis on these since if he cannot produce the hours and you are unable to get hard copy of receipt, you seem to be holding an "empty hand" - you want to appear assertive and certain without them. Focus on them more as his opportunity to DISPROVE what you know to be true, not in support of it (does this make any sense?) I will be thinking about you. Let us know how you are doing.<BR>Lisa

I dont have any advice to offer, but just letting you know, I know how awful you feel and am sending good thoughts your way.<BR> take care<BR> CP

Hi Woozy:<P>I am sorry he keeps hurting you, but your story is somewhat similar to mine. When I found out about their disgusting affair he at first denied it, then admitted it (he said: yeah we had an affair but it ended one year ago...she now has a boyfriend...she is planning to get married to him)...of course this was one big lie. I told him I had enough of these lies, that I know very well that my husband is the only boyfried she has....she was using the other guy as a front by occasionally going out with him....both my husband and the slut are blatant liars.....as of today......5 months after discovery he tells me its over.....but.....I know its not.....I have no proof of this....but I know its not over.....He and I don't have the same day off.....he can meet with her on his day off although I don't think he is meeting her now because he spends his day off with his mother and father who are here visiting from Florida....and they tell me he has driven them here and there....but once they leave...I know he will be beginning with her again....I told him that if he does.....I will be leaving him this time.....I will not be a doormat.....my kids will just have to adjust to a separation and divorce....In my opinion, if our guys want a GF then why not leave us alone ? Let us live our life too? It's completely unfair to us.....its disgusting.....I hate what is happening to me...to us.....I always thought I was immune to this......

All right Woozy, where are you? I am starting to get worried about you.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Well, guess what? My husband called me shortly after I posted that first message. He had forgotten his lunch at home and he called to have me bring it to him. Well, I am sorry people but I don't think anyone had posted to my message yet and I sort of went off on him. I asked him how the rooms were at the ?????? Inn. He played dumb at first. I said I called the motel and they told me that you were registered there yesterday. I then proceeded to say that I thought he better get his a$$ home so we can figure out how we are going to deal with it. I told him I was taking the day off and that he better come home. He asked me how he was supposed to get out of work as it was his scheduled day. I told him he better figure out something. Then, I hung up. I think he was quite stunned. As for the job that I said I was going to quit.... that is a second job I took to try and make life easier for him!!! I told him right from the start that if I found out he was still screwing around that I would quit immediately. Well, the day after my first night on the job he went out and screwed around. So, that is why I was going to quit. I told him that on the phone too. So, I got the kids up and ready for school and my husband didn't come home. When I got back from taking them to school, he was home. He said he thought about not coming home and just staying at work. I asked him how he got out of work and he said he told them he was in big trouble with his wife. Well, everyone he works with has an idea he is seeing this woman. So, now this probably just confirms it. GREAT!!!<P>So, he knew he couldn't deny that he was with her yesterday. He was stunned that I actually found out. He still says he isn't leaving me. I still tell him that he has to stop screwing her. He says he finally felt regret yesterday for doing it. He also knows I still don't buy it. I hate being in this position. Of course he talked me into keeping my second job. So, I will be leaving to go there in about an hour. YIPEE! Now, I have to go with all this wonderful knowledge in my head. Should make for an exciting evening. <P>We talked a lot more and I told him that I really thought we were making headway in getting an understanding between us. I told him that since he went and did this again, it puts me right back to the beginning. He says he is going to do whatever he can to make sure I know where he is at all times. I sometimes think this is almost more trouble than it is worth. He also said he would go get counseling with me. This is something that he has been totally against from the beginning. Well, he thinks he finally figured out he is going to need help to get through this. So, I better get busy and make sure we get in for some counseling SOON! Otherwise he will back out on me for sure. I told him that I have been trying to do what I can to help him get through it but I obviously can't do it on my own. <P>He asked me why I still love him. I told him there were a million reasons why I still love him. I listed off quite a few. I told him that I am not going to stick around if he does it again. I can't keep doing this. He also admitted that the ow quit seeing the other man. Cuz he wasn't as good in bed as my husband. LOVELY! <P>So, basically, I still think most everything he tells me is lies. I asked him if he is using me. He said no. But, how do I know that? I feel pretty used up as it is. I think I aged 10 damned years in the last 2 months. This is really unfair to me. <P>I also told my husband that I think I need to become a private investigator. I am pretty good at figuring out what he is doing. I really have no desire to do that though. I guess I will work on my own case but I am not ready to take on any more work. <P>He knows he really, really hurt me. Now, let's just see how much of a man he can be and see if he can start being faithful to me from now on. HA HA HA HA HA HO HO HO!!! HEE HEE HA HA HO HO HA HA HEE HEE!!! Excuse me, I don't know if he remembers how to be faithful anymore. That isn't funny, I know it. That is just the thinking of a woman whose life has just been shattered. DESTROYED! <P>I guess we talked a lot more, had sex, and that is it. I am tired out from all of it. I told him last week I needed him to be faithful to me and he said he was. I need him to be faithful because I can't take the stress that it causes me when he is not. I can't deal with anything. What a jerk!<P>He said he doesn't want to have a future with this woman. He says he only wants a future with me. We will see. If he keeps messing around with her, I am going to force him to go live with her. I am beginning to think they deserve each other.<P>I better go and get ready for work!<P>Thanks to all of you for the advice.<P>~Woozy<P>

Hi Woozy:<BR>Why do you put up with it, especially if you have solid proof he is cheating again? I informed my husband that I do not trust him and that PI's are a dime a dozen.....if I ever get concrete evidence (PI or not) there will not be anymore compromises....It's a definate move out for me....and the second job I will get will be to support myself and the kids in an apartment, by ourselves where I no longer have to worry about or care about where he is, if he is doing it or when he is doing it....and yes.....they should be forced to live with the other person.....to realize that they are not as great as they originally thought....my husband put the slut on a pedestal....when I found out about the cheating I called her every name in the book....he defended her by saying that she was not all those things....I reminded him that there are no other words to describe a woman who KNOWINGLY (she knew me and the kids too) sleeps with a married man...no other words except "slut and whore".....so whoever is out there doing this with a married man is a "slut and whore".....sorry....but I feel very strongly about this..